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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

240 replies

Eminencegreige · 18/05/2025 21:26

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 18/05/2025 21:30

They weren't complaing, sounds like they were saying how much they enjoyed your food.

DuckCootLoon · 18/05/2025 21:33

No, your friends are weird. If someone baked a cake and offered me some, I'd feel obliged to say yes to a slice. But if I was not hungry, I'd make sure it was a small slice, and not go for seconds.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/05/2025 21:35

They enjoyed your hospitality and have said nice things about it, that’s not a bad thing. Generally hosts who keep baking extra food and repeatedly offer more food enjoy feeding people. If you don’t want to bake 3 cakes then don’t, if you don’t want to make scrambled eggs and nobody has asked for it then don’t.

doodleschnoodle · 18/05/2025 21:38

I think maybe tone got lost somewhere between them and your other friend? I would assume they meant it in a ‘We were looked after so well, I’ll need to go on a diet after all that lovely food!’ lighthearted way. Not in a ‘She forced us to eat food we didn’t want to’ way.

But honestly your most recent friend sounds a bit odd anyway, what does she mean ‘went wrong’? You were very generous host, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/05/2025 21:39

They have the same lack of willpower I have. If food is not in front of me, I'm fine, but put me in the vicinity of food and it's a different story. I've heard it described as the seafood diet - see food and eat it.

Hankunamatata · 18/05/2025 21:41

Sounds like your food was amazing. They weren't being mean.

Octavia64 · 18/05/2025 21:42

I’m not really sure what to make of this.

i don’t know if you have currently or have had in the past but many young adult males can literally eat you out of house and home.

my son is now 24 and past the peak growing stage but I still remember the days when he could eat a dominos large all to himself in about 5 mi utes and then go to the fridge and get more food out.

it doesn’t sound like your guests were actually complaining so I’m not really sure what the problem is?

if you chose to bake cakes and buy food for them then that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I don’t bake for guests but I do make sure there is plenty of food around (largely because I have extensive experience of staying with PIL and being offered one lettuce leaf and half a tomato for lunch).

mathanxiety · 18/05/2025 21:43

I can't understand why you kept on making food for them and baking extra cakes.

They had breakfast so you then made scrambled eggs - why?
They ate dessert so you baked - was it three extra cakes over the weekend? Why?

I mean, they enjoyed it, and they were complimentary about it (and it sounds delicious), but there was no need to keep on cooking the way you did. Why did you think you needed to do that?

Maddy70 · 18/05/2025 21:44

Tbh it's you who seems weird. They seen to have appreciated what you offered them you are overthinking this massively

PrettyPuss · 18/05/2025 21:45

Wow that sounds amazing, when can I visit you?

I also think the messages they sent were complementary.

TinyTempest · 18/05/2025 21:47

What's with all the 'jokingly'?

It makes the whole thing sound a bit weird.

But then it's weird anyway to focus a visit so much on food and then get bent out of shape because they seemed to enjoy it.

FrodoBiggins · 18/05/2025 21:47

Sounds like you were a great host and you cook well! Don't worry about the rest.

Fleur66 · 18/05/2025 21:48

Don’t overthink it and don’t allow your other friend to think you felt forced to cook or criticise them to her, if they hear back that you felt obliged, the whole thing will be ruined and they’ll be mortified.

Next time take it a bit easier and don’t cook as much.

OneFineDay13 · 18/05/2025 21:50

Why did you turn into a personal chef? Just don't have them over again. Do you stay at there house and get waited on hand and foot ?

Londonrach1 · 18/05/2025 21:50

Sounds like you are amazing cook ...your lucky guests ..they sound like they really enjoying your food.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 21:50

said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest.

how flipping rude of her! What business is it for her anyway?

YANBU, you sound like an amazing hostess.
As long as you don't plate the food, and let guests in charge of their portion size, it sounds lovely.

I would like to know HOW the Easter guest commenting, it might have a been a joke and compliment, not anything negative.

I am petty, but if I had the 2nd guest, I would from now offer her a quarter of a piece of sushi and tell her I have taken her comments on board and wouldn't dream of over-feeding her.

legoplaybook · 18/05/2025 21:51

You kept offering and making more lovely food and they enjoyed eating it.
Sounds like they were complimentary to other friends about you providing loads of food!

The only weird thing is you were 'jokingly' offering food, surely you either offer or don't? What's the joke?

Eminencegreige · 18/05/2025 21:53

They weren't complaing, sounds like they were saying how much they enjoyed your food.

I know that they enjoyed the food, but they made it sound in their posts on FB and elsewhere as if I'd been forcing them to eat. I know I'm a decent cook and can make tasty food, but I really don't like the implication that I force-fed them cake all weekend.

I'm a bit sensitive about this, perhaps, but a couple of years ago I catered for a birthday party for a friend. She told me what she wanted and I produced a decent range of quiches and sandwiches and cake and dessert-type treats. I lost count of the number of people who complimented me on my food and then accused me of trying to make them fat or giving them type-2 diabetes or asked why there were no healthier options. (There were carrot and veggie sticks and hummus and a zero-fat Greek yoghurt pot for those who wanted something lighter, but the only thing they could talk about was the cake and brownies, which some of them seemed to regard as dangerous).

Basically, I don't think it's a great compliment to imply that I'm the food-obsessed person when I ate moderately all weekend and they were the ones pigging out.

OP posts:
Love51 · 18/05/2025 21:55

It's normal to over cater for guests, isn't it? I wouldn't want anyone visiting to go hungry or thirsty so I cook ample, then anything left can be had as leftovers. Family members do the same. Also it is nice to be nurtured!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/05/2025 21:55

Sure they meant it complimentary. With regards to the meal out I get that. I will happily pay for a meal and eat the set portion but if I go to an all you can eat place I feel I need to get monies worth and eat bloody loads

Neolara · 18/05/2025 21:56

I would take it as a massive compliment. You're clearly and excellent cook and you're guests loved your food.

parietal · 18/05/2025 21:58

Are they from a different culture? In some countries, it is rude not to eat all the food you are offered.

BrightOrangeDahlias · 18/05/2025 22:00

Can't quite believe some of the responses you're getting, OP. Your guests sound like absolute glutons - I mean who polishes off 3/4 of a cake or dessert, or a 8 portions of lasagne between theee of them? I can see why, as a host, if your guests were eating mountains of food you would feel under pressure to keep providing more. Just because it's there it doesn't mean they have to eat the whole fucking lot!

LadyMinerva · 18/05/2025 22:00

Gently, i think you are being a little over sensitive on this one. They loved the food and the way you looked after them. When people make jokes about having to diet or you trying to make them diabetic or fat its just to ease their own guilt from over indulging. Don't stop feeding people if you love doing it.

MumChp · 18/05/2025 22:06

I wouldn't engage in it tbh.