AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

[Eminencegreige]

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

I think YABU, because YOU made what you were happy with and clearly weren't happy to keep making more, yet YOU still offered to bake and cook when you didn't really want to and they had already eaten ample food. YOU are also largely judging them on the amount that they ate, which is quite rude given that they wouldn't have if you hadn't made it.

I see no problem with your cooking or your intentions but the pressure you put yourself under and your judgement of them for happily receiving all your makes and cakes is unreasonable.

Let's hope they don't see this feed as you are basically calling them greedy pigs and I'm sure that would be friendship over.

I think it's quite common for people to eat more when they are away and don't have to cook themselves and your judgement about them eating your very first meal of lasagne and garlic bread sounded down right rude to me. I'd of been happy to not have it left over and they all enjoyed it so much.

As for all the cakes AND PUDDINGS!!! Frankly all five of you should have known that is far to much to be eating in sweets over a weekend.

There is no way that jug contained anything like 400ml of cream, but even if that were the case, you're still being very weird to keep feeding them while obsessing endlessly about the precise amount that they ate while you and your DH nibbled on your teeny tiny portions of one sliver of lemon tart between you.

We only have OP’s word on the size of the lasagne, cakes, etc and how many portions they should make. And given her commentary on wolfing, scoffing, pigging, stress, greed, I can well imagine she’s a “Mumsnet chicken” person who can stretch a roast to six meals. For all we know, her 10-serving lasagne is a Charlie Bigham-size single and the cake only serves 12 if you slice it like a wedding cake.

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable.

You didn't 'jokingly' offer. You offered and they accepted. They complimented you on your hospitality and you've decided to take it as a personal attack. You sound like a complete nutter.

This is a really hard one for me OP - on the one hand, i think you sound like a lovely host - who certainly went well above and beyond. On the other, who on planet earth makes THREE cakes in a weekend, and 'jokes' about offering food to guests - you KNOW how much you ate - but yet you still offered more? Thats a bit shitty of you, what were you trying to do there - see i they offered or turned it down?

This is all very bizarre!
They came to stay, you fed them, you were in no way obliged to do anything than serve the meals you'd planned, provide toast and cereals for breakfast and maybe have a selection of biscuits in! Why did you keep baking if you don't normally? If it had been me, once the original cake/s had gone, that would have been it! But there would have been other things available. And it wouldn't have been a free for all to help themselves! Would you like a slice of cake? Hand them a slice on a plate! Job done!
And if you really wanted to control portion sizes, you should have dished the meals out, instead of letting them serve themselves!
I always make plenty and I'd rather be a host who makes sure that my friends have plenty to eat, rather than them go hungry. If there are any leftovers, they're welcome to them.
(I wouldn't have been "jokingly" offering them a second breakfast or "jokingly" offering them anything else! What the hell is the "jokingly" about?! It sounds like you were running a weird social experiment, so that you could be horrified about how much your friends eat!)
I don't understand why you were doing that and baking extra cakes! There should still have been plenty without all that!
I think you are a people pleaser, who bends over backwards and who's found friends that will take anything that's offered! In which case, it was your issue for keeping on offering, not theirs for accepting it!
Some people are just greedy, some people are CFs, some people just love food and if you offer it will take it, all day long! If they're your friends, you should know what category they fall into surely?!
I think you're also the sort to be offended if they were complaining to other friends about not having enough to eat!
As a host, I'd just be happy that they'd had a good stay and enjoyed good company! I certainly wouldn't be picking through what they'd eaten!

On my way! 😁

No it's a great expression.

There really needs to be an eye roll emoji for this type of thread and some of the comments! Plain weird! 🙄

I actually get what you mean OP. I think some people are so out of control when it comes to food that they feel regret about their overeating and then look to put it on someone else. Like OMG Becky is such a feeder, she kept offering us food I'd have to go on a diet now hahaha.

she's already confirmed that the dessert the first evening said it served 6 people (and tbh those guidance servings are usually pretty small). So by eating the remainder between them after she and her DH had had theirs, they each ate approximately 1/18th of a (small) tart more than they 'should' have.
Absolute gluttons 😁

They came to stay, you fed them, you were in no way obliged to do anything than serve the meals you'd planned, provide toast and cereals for breakfast and maybe have a selection of biscuits in! Why did you keep baking if you don't normally? If it had been me, once the original cake/s had gone, that would have been it! But there would have been other things available. And it wouldn't have been a free for all to help themselves! Would you like a slice of cake? Hand them a slice on a plate! Job done!
And if you really wanted to control portion sizes, you should have dished the meals out, instead of letting them serve themselves!

I agree. If the cake was meant to last longer cut slices for everyone and serve on individual plates. You could have dished up the lasagna too and if people wanted more you could have offered more afterwards.

Also don't understand why you "jokingly" offered more food at breakfast.

There was no need for you to keep offering up all these food and baking more cakes. Serve up a normal sized meal with a dessert. Breakfast can be a range of things, people can help themselves or you can offer eggs. Lunch - soup, sandwiches etc.
And then you can say feel free to help yourselves to fruit, toast, yoghurt, whatever if people are still hungry or need/want a snack during the day.

This. Totally pointless post. I'd have stuffed myself too if you made all that for me and said a polite 'thank you very much'.

You've created your own stress OP.

Are you Irish ?

All of my Irish relatives do hospitality like this and I love it 😂😂😂 not sure if it's cultural nuance ( but appears to be in my family anyway)

Nothing more than a biscuit offered by my other family . Sounds fabulous .

Pouring a whole jug of cream onto your dessert before anyone else has a chance to have some is both really greedy and really cheeky. Normal people would pour a small amount, let everyone else serve themselves and add some more if there is any left.

That isn't normal behaviour at home, never mind in someone else's house. They behaved like gluttons and then tried to blame you for over-feeding them. Just ignore them and never invite them again.