AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

[Eminencegreige]

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

This is all some convoluted stealth boast about OP’s sought-after culinary talents AND her decorous restraint and moderation compared with the gluttonous beasts she is called upon to feed.

Hell, yes. Spot on. Because being able to make a lasagne or follow a recipe for a cake or crumble, or make a few quiches and cakes and brownies as a favour for a friend's birthday is practically Masterchef, isn't it? I get the feeling quite a lot of people responding here don't cook much...🙄

"if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it"
exactly!

Some people don't have much willpower or think it's rude to refuse something a host has offered (particularly if they'd cooked it from scratch specifically for us), or hate the idea of food waste, or are very hungry (teenage boys, for example!), or just like their food and if they were away for a weekend with friends thought they'd make it a cheat weekend.

If someone had gone to the effort of baking a cake for me, I'd feel pretty rude if I didn't eat it. If I then found out my friend was actually judging me for being some sort of glutton I'd be really upset. It's ridiculous to act like they somehow MADE you cook multiple cakes and buy several puddings. If you hadn't baked/bought them, they wouldn't have eaten them, because you did they assumed you wanted them to eat them. The only thing weirder than begrudging your friends food would be to cook food hoping it wouldn't be eaten.

The person who said about you being a feeder was nothing to do with this family so why are you bringing them into it? Sounds like this family were only complimentary about you so no idea why you're unhappy about it.

Really? The OPs posts are littered with judgemental phrases like 'stuffing thier faces', 'when I ate moderately all weekend and they were the ones pigging out.'

If someone had gone to the effort of baking a cake for me, I'd feel pretty rude if I didn't eat it. If I then found out my friend was actually judging me for being some sort of glutton I'd be really upset. It's ridiculous to act like they somehow MADE you cook multiple cakes and buy several puddings. If you hadn't baked/bought them, they wouldn't have eaten them, because you did they assumed you wanted them to eat them. The only thing weirder than begrudging your friends food would be to cook food hoping it wouldn't be eaten.

Wow. So if you'd visited here on your own, and I'd made a cake with 12 slices and offered you a piece, you'd have eaten the whole cake to be polite? Seriously?

All of this.

I'm not an especially big fan of cake, but if I were staying with someone and they'd baked a home made cake and then offered it me, I'd eat it as it would seem (to me at least) rude and unappreciative to refuse it. Just as an example.

Then same with puddings after every meal. We don't eat puddings at home very often at all, but if I were at someone's house and they whipped out a lovely looking crumble after the meal, I'd be saying thank you very much, and digging in.

I really don't understand why you are so upset that various people have really appreciated your cooking but clearly you have made up your mind that you don't think YABU so not sure why you asked.

It’s weird to bake 3 cakes over a Thu-Sunday. Why did you do that?

What? How on earth is that the same? From what you've said the cakes were eaten between 5 of you, albeit they had large portions. That is completely different from one person eating a whole cake!

What would you have done if you'd made the first 2 cakes, they'd eaten all of it, so you made the third cake and they then decided they were too full (or realised that you were silently judging them and getting ready to bitch about them on social media) and all said "Oh no thanks, sorry, we shouldn't have eaten so much we don't want anymore." I bet you'd have been on here moaning that they MADE you make a third cake and then didn't eat any of it and it got wasted.

You sound incredibly hard to please and eager to take offence. I really hope they don't come across this post because I'd hate to hear a "friend" talking about me like this.

I'm with you op; a lot of people are weird about food. Of course they didn't have to eat it all. Of course you would think they had big appetites by the consumption during the weekend. Normal adult people don't gut down all the food on offer. Normal people realise it's a back handed compliment to suggest you are a feeder and responsible for them eating and needing to diet. They're adults and can refuse another slice or portion.

Agree, I’m not sure the OP is cut out for hosting. It’s a shame as it sounds like she’s making huge quantities of basic home style foods, where you’re expected to eat to satisfy the host, but she seems aggrieved by it. Maybe she should try a more fine dining approach with plated food?

Ah. So this thread is all a stealth boast about how much you cook is it?

Oh, Cordelia, if you really think it's a stealth boast to mention that I can cook a lasagne and make a cake or three, your bar for stealth boasting is really low.

If someone had gone to the effort of baking a cake for me, I'd feel pretty rude if I didn't eat it

what, the entire cake? 😂

More like the three cakes for the three days they were there. That’s just odd. No wonder they commented on it

Why did you bake the other two cakes and offer scramble eggs.

it is the other two cakes that I think is weird and does a little pit pressure on them to eat it

My Nan was a feeder, food was her love language and if you said you liked something she would make it for you and it would be hard to say no to homemade food. We appreciated it but you did need to be prepared

OP, I don’t know what you want from this.

If you think these people are horribly rude - and if in fact you think most people you ‘cater’ for are being beastly and ungrateful and accusing you of making them fat - just don’t cook for people anymore. It’s clearly too upsetting.

Unfortunately you can’t control how much people eat (particularly if you offer them a never-ending smorgasbord), or how people choose to compliment your cooking.

This thread is gold. 😂

Do peple also finish the entire pack of cornflakes - family size - and everything else on the table offered at breakfast? Just because "it would be rude not to"?

OP, sounds as though you’re a great cook, and I’d take it as a huge compliment that your guests polished off everything put in front of them. As far as lasagne is concerned, I have made huge lasagnes that I had thought might do two days, that are promptly demolished down to the last crumb on the first outing, together with copious quantities of garlic bread and an enormous salad - I think it’s just the nature of the beast. I understand why you’re piqued at being accused of overfeeding people, but in my experience men, particularly young men, have hollow legs as was clearly the case with your friends. I’d just be happy that they clearly enjoyed your cooking!

It’s still not clear why you kept offering them gargantuan amounts of food, including making three cakes over three days, and desserts after every dinner, and ‘jokingly’ offered them eggs and toast after they’d already had breakfast and again ‘jokingly’ offered them cheese and biscuits after their first dinner?

The op loves to ‘joke’!

Thank you. My mind is blown by the number of people who seem to think that if they stay with a friend for a day or two, and that friend offers them cake, or lays out a few breakfast items for them to help themselves from, it's a requirement of being a good guest to eat the lot.

It makes me want to experiment. I mean, at what point would my Easter guests have said no, they'd had enough? If I'd made a lasagne to feed 20, would they have managed five portions each? Would they have thought they'd failed as good guests if they'd only managed four portions each and there were two left in the dish?

Sounds like they have no self-control. They’re the kind of people who just say yes to everything and scoff whatever’s in front of them without stopping to think about whether they actually want it.
Then, when their stomach aches from being so distended, they can barely walk for feeling sick and can hardly fit into any of their clothes, it’s easier to make out they’ve been force fed than to admit they’ve been greedy bastards!

Don’t worry OP, it’s definitely them, not you!

It just makes no sense at all that you thought they were eating too much and were clearly resentful about it but kept offering them more and more food!

no need to twist the OP's word.

She says that she offered lots of food, but then got annoyed when she got negative comments about it. She never said the food was not too be eaten!

Over Easter, it's actually traditional to 'feast', it's the religious and cultural equivalent of Christmas. If someone said that they'd baked etc over Christmas, no-one would necessarily think it strange (personally I leave it to M&S).
OP, as said I think that you are taking it the wrong way. You've been a marvellous host. Just don't do as much, if it bothers you, going forward.

If course they ate what they did because they loved your food. Nobody would eat that much and go for seconds if they didn't like it or were a small eater.

If you found it stressful then just don't bake cakes and make puddings. Either don't serve any and tell them they're welcome to buy something for the next meal, or just make one cake and one pudding for the duration of the trip. Or literally just do jacket potatoes, salads or omelettes a couple nights and the rest eat out.