AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

[Opalskies]

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

My DH is very athletic, and enjoys a wide range of sports, which is a hobby that he shares with our son. My daughter on the other hand, only enjoys playing tennis, but would much rather be reading or drawing.

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

I don't want to force my daughter into playing additional sports she doesn't want to do, and so I put my foot down, saying no, but my DH keeps insisting.

Am I being unreasonable though?

yes, because chauffeuring your kids around and staying on the side of various sport pitches/ fields/ halls, indoors or outside in the rain for hours is the best break a parent could ever dream of, after spending a fortune on whatever kit they kids have decided they need😂

How selfish of these parents when they could be slobbing in front of the tv all day when they kids potter around doing puzzles nicely somewhere and not bothering them by sticking them in pjs all day to save on laundry. Brilliant.

This is why I love MN 😂😂

I've said this several times now - Daughter was not forced into playing tennis, she chose Tennis. She likes Tennis, she enjoys playing and watching tennis.

It's have been clearer, not 'of' been clearer.

Does she of 😉to do a sport, or can it just be a physical activity? I ask because I hated all sports as a child and would've been utterly miserable if forced to do one. Not all children are 'sporty' although obviously physical fitness is very important!

Your DH isn't being kind. I agree with other posters, yes, encourage good decisions for health but dismissing a child's (mind-healthy!) activities because of your own preferences isn't good parenting.

@Opalskies what if she wants to spend all her free time with a drama or art/mysuc club? What if she gets absolutely besotted with the arts or preforming? He’s going to force her to stop?

as long as your child isn’t unhealthy then I don’t think she should need enforced sports activities.

I was a bookish child. Loved arts and crafts and reading. Loved creating and decorating. did family walks and walked the dog happily. But if you’d forced me to do less of my actual interests and engage in a sport or activity I disliked - I’d put in zero effort. I’d be out of trying such things in the future. And it would create a lot of tension in familiar relationships.

not all kids are build the same. Not all humans have the same interests.

She likes tennis, she plays 6 hours a week that's plenty, she will also do PE at school and I'm sure she isn't sedentary the rest of the week, a walk, cycle, occasional trip swimming is all great, it doesn't have to be regimented organised sport. Reading is fantastic for her wellbeing and she's exercising her brain. Tell him to sod off.

Ah ok, starting to see why theres this "family rule" 😬

Separately it would be worth considering if she genuinely enjoys tennis op, and not almost a learned forced enjoyment to keep up with the Sportingtons just because she's had to go along with your (rather odd IMO) family rule.

But you're right to stop your DH from pestering her. She already does a lot.

Then why isn’t that enough?

it isn’t about disliking or hating her it is about not seeing her as someone who likes different things from him and doesn’t want to do more

as she moves into being a teenage that will become even more clear that she is someone who has likes and dislikes and may not be as sporty as the rest

she does enough he needs to back off

He should accept your DD for who she is. She has a sport, so he needs to let her read/draw and pursue the hobbies she likes.

Tell your DH you can't force anyone to enjoy something they don't want to do.

Change the rule to one outside school activity that she has to do and let her choose. We have this, one DC does multiple spots while the other is having music lessons.

English isn't my first language, so thank you for the correction. 😊
It can be any physical activity. Just something to keep her active. She loves dancing but didn't want to join any group or club because she feels self-conscious about it.

I should hope not! Some people just do not take to sport, it should not be forced. I'm not competitive/dextrous etc. and hated PE at school.
DH is an all around talented sportsman, but he never pushed it on DSs - they play chess and that's fine by him

She's not exactly a sloth! Different/extra sport should be her choice. As previously agreed.

Sorry I wasn’t clear.

I wasn’t talking about tennis :)
But about any other activity that your dh tries to force upon her despite the fact she doesn’t like it!

The fact she is playing tennis 4x a week and enjoys it is fantastic.
I found my dcs kept their sport from childhood into teenage years and then adulthood. And that’s because they enjoyed it, just like your dd is. Fantastic.

Forcing her to do SOMETHING ELSE she doesn’t want to do won’t help.

Why is anyone forcing a child to do sports?!

I've never done any - always been active, healthy and very successful work wise & academically.

Your DH likes sports, that doesn't mean he should get to force his interests on your family. Imo she shouldn't even be made to do tennis if she doesn't want to

I understand, that's not a bad 'rule' although it is a shame she feels self conscious about dancing.

If English isn't your first language you're doing so much better with it than a lot of people who DO have it as a first language. A lot of people write 'of' for 'have' for some reason so I can totally understand why you'd assume it were correct. 🙂

She said she would hate it. Who is being abusive and neglectful? Such a weird post.

Your DD plays tennis 6 hours a week and your DH wants her to be more active? News flash different people like different things. Adults who can't grasp there is not only one way to live tend to be controlling bores. You wait until your DD is old enough for you to have to listen to her opinion - I don't think you are going to like what she has to say about your rigid approach to her childhood.

I'd like to introduce you to a couple of my nephews and one of my DGC.

Why is it worrying? They have plenty of interests and they hate sport.

Perhaps a team sport to complement tennis? Reading is quite solitary.

Seems like she has a sufficient amount of sport though.

So is the rule a rule or not?

Why does your husband think he’s the boss?

Your daughter participates in an organised sport which she enjoys 4 times per week. That’s plenty, and it follows your family agreement.

Your husband needs to stop insisting that he has the right to force your daughter into activities that she doesn’t want to do - reading/ drawing/creative activities absolutely should be valued and encouraged.

Why do kids need to go to an organised activity to be active. Can't they play out with their mates, go to the park, walk or cycle to school? I am all for kids being active but I don't see why it has to be organised sport.

Perfect. He can’t object to this if DD has to yet another physical activity.

my response was to someone who said kids of that age need supervision and can't go off on their own as an argument for making them do supervised activities. If its going to be a pain in the butt for the parent anyway and the child doesn't want to do it then what is the point?

OP, ignoring the goady posters on here, I am with your husband.

I think that's it's fantastic she likes tennis and is playing several times a week. I still believing encouraging her to not do tennis exclusively is not a bad thing, especially for a 10 years old.

Evenings can be quiet activities in their room, playing or reading. Even a couple of hours of another some sport/ activities on Saturdays is really not that much.

It's sad if she's feeling too self-conscious to dance. Has she tried martial arts? (goady posters will laugh that I am being sarcastic, but the ones who do practice one martial arts will get my point). That's good for them.

Clearly it touches a nerve with some, but I believe that we all need to do a few hours of physical activity every single day, the same way we all need sleep.