DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

[StripeyBalloon]

Long-ish story… Taking our two children to the park this morning, our oldest has injured his leg and is on crutches-he hasn’t really left the house much since he hurt his leg (possible ligament damage) and is beginning to fester! I said it would be nice if he had a spin in the car and sat on a bench in the sun while his sibling played.

It was a fight to get him off the couch and to leave the house and in the car he said “It’s (insert my first name’s) way again” etc. It’s the sort of thing my husband regularly says when I suggest taking them out for an hour etc. it’s a fight then that’s what he says. In the car I said DS was just parroting what DH says that’s it’s my way again and that I’m pushing my agenda, it’s not really a normal thing for a kid to say? It’s him parroting an adult.

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman and that I’m determined to ruin the day.

We got to the park and he then started joking around and trying to make me laugh. I was still upset and he said he’s been watching a lot of TikTok videos about mothers who ruin family days out and I’m like that! WTF. He then backtracked and said oh they are just comedy skits, don’t be so serious etc.

I’ve basically noticed DS repeating word for word phrases he has heard DH say about me - another is shouting at me saying “Stop talking over me!” when we are having a conversation etc.

AIBU? It’s triggering me now that DS is parroting his Dad 🙄

You put it so much better than I did. Thank you.

I'm no expert but isn't it important to move around if you have an injury so your body doesn't seize up so to speak?

How much moving is he going to do sitting on a park bench?

What a stupid post..

No wonder kids are so fucking feral these days.

Her son might consider wanking himself half to death in the dark every weekend over hard-core porn valuable.

She's his parent. She's the adult. Her opinion is more important, more experienced and of a lot more value of that of a child.

She was absolutely right to get her son out and about for some fresh air and a vitamin D infusion.

She shouldn't be verbally and emotionally abused by her husband for trying to improve her sons quality of life. Whether the little misogynist in training likes it or not.

Did you have this fight with your son there? Did this all happen with your son listening? I think this is the bigger issue. Myself and dh are fighting a lot lately but only when eg not in the house because we once argued because of a child if you know what I mean in front of them and the look of terror on his face.

As for the nasty vile piece of work thing, people say it on here all the time, and not always meaning it as strongly as I take it so it’s not necessary an Andrew tait thing, women look at women talking about men, Id assume men are trying to figure out their place in relationships too but you both definitely need to have an evening out of the house and a big talk

You have to decide what you're prepared to tolerate, OP, and what you're going to do when that line is crossed.

For me, this language from both husband and son is completely unacceptable. Furthermore, both your boys are learning it's fine to speak to the women in their lives with contempt. It doesn't matter if you've done something they don't like - it doesn't give them the right to insult you.

It might be a good idea to sit down and have a calm conversation with DH, if that's possible, expressing how you feel, your concerns about the impact on the family relationships, and also listening to how he feels.

But only you can decide how to address this.

Don't do this op. Do not break up your family over something so small.
He was wrong but work through your issues
He has apologized which is a start.

He’s been off school since he hurt his leg.

How about giving your husband a taste of his own medicine ( call him some rotten names back) to see if that stops it….he is doing it to you because he can, if he thought there would be repercussions that affected him he wouldn’t be doing it….same with all bullies, when you do their behaviour back to them they run scared

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman

I’ve never called dh names during an argument, nor would dh ever speak to me like that, in private, never mind in front of the children.

You are absolutely correct op that this behaviour is affecting the dc. It’s unacceptable, in front of dc.

Every couple will argue about things, challenge each others ideas and behaviours but name calling is disrespectful and contemptuous.

I wouldn’t do this, it tends to escalate matters rather than scare off a bully.

Yeah and validates the behaviour - "you're just as bad".

Of course it's triggering for you. Your husband is emotionally and verbally abusing you.

Your son is going to turn out just like him. Your husband is training him well.

The fact your husband is watching loads of misogynistic content shows just who he is. Does he really believe all that crap he sees online? Does he not realise a lot of it is made up and staged?

That’s right and then the DC watching this seeing both mum and dad doing it think it’s ok.

Very mature. Perfect way to deal with it 🙄

Just chiming in with solidarity over the 'parroting' behaviour. My son does it occasionally and it leaves me speechless when it happens as it's so unnerving. I was once reprimanded by DH for almost losing sons jacket in Ikea and got a slow clap and sarcastic "well done" which I had to relive a few days later when something else upset son too. We had a bit of a heart-to-heart and 6yr old son said he couldn't think what else he could have said...

Sitting in a fetid room gaming is definitely not valuable. To anyone.

It's worrying that your son is growing up to be verbally abusive to women, learned behaviour from his verbally abusive father.

The lack of respect and verbal abuse you regularly receive from your DH would make me rethink being married to him. Your son will turn out just like him if things don't change very soon.

If the room is fetid, then that isn’t the child’s fault as he is on crutches. You can game in a clean, bright, fresh room. Many games are also educational and develop critical thinking skills through problem solving. Other games require creativity and eye/hand coordination. Gaming can be more valuable than sitting on a park bench observing pigeons poo-ing everywhere.

Sometimes you have to play people at their own silly little games

It certainly could increase the risk of complications if he's sitting on the sofa for hours at a time on the weekend. One of the risks is also depression. He lives in a household that seems very on edge.

Riding in a car or on the train are not restricted post injury. I don't know where you're getting your info from but it sure isn't ortho.

Reading some of these responses, OP is literally torturing him 🙄

Because it's a change of scenery for someome who has been stuck in the same place for ages.