DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

[StripeyBalloon]

Long-ish story… Taking our two children to the park this morning, our oldest has injured his leg and is on crutches-he hasn’t really left the house much since he hurt his leg (possible ligament damage) and is beginning to fester! I said it would be nice if he had a spin in the car and sat on a bench in the sun while his sibling played.

It was a fight to get him off the couch and to leave the house and in the car he said “It’s (insert my first name’s) way again” etc. It’s the sort of thing my husband regularly says when I suggest taking them out for an hour etc. it’s a fight then that’s what he says. In the car I said DS was just parroting what DH says that’s it’s my way again and that I’m pushing my agenda, it’s not really a normal thing for a kid to say? It’s him parroting an adult.

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman and that I’m determined to ruin the day.

We got to the park and he then started joking around and trying to make me laugh. I was still upset and he said he’s been watching a lot of TikTok videos about mothers who ruin family days out and I’m like that! WTF. He then backtracked and said oh they are just comedy skits, don’t be so serious etc.

I’ve basically noticed DS repeating word for word phrases he has heard DH say about me - another is shouting at me saying “Stop talking over me!” when we are having a conversation etc.

AIBU? It’s triggering me now that DS is parroting his Dad 🙄

I disagree. OP comes out of this fine. It’s ok to take your child to the park if he hasn’t been out for ages.

@LoremIpsumCici You absolutely did call the OP controlling when you wholeheartedly agreed with the post by IsItSnowing at 16:38 wherein that poster said to OP "you really do sound quite controlling as well" and your response to that poster "You put it so much better than I did. Thank you".

In my opinion, OP doesn't need you to "critique" her parenting. Many posters on here agree with her parenting decision regarding getting the teenager out of the house. As regards the much more important issue of the verbal abuse and disrespect, I can't see anywhere that the OP admits to "punishing" the child or "holding him responsible" for his father's behaviour - I'm not sure where you got that idea from. The child is just as much a victim of his father's verbally abusive behaviour as the OP is, and my impression is that the OP is concerned about her son, NOT blaming him. The OP can try to modify her son's attitude to her but he's at an age where it's going to be an uphill struggle unless the husband's behaviour is dealt with first.

Your husband is the vile one. I'm sure you are not perfect and do make mistakes but you sound very reasonable about everything you have mentioned. You have accepted this treatment from your husband and now your son is copying him it's hit you how wrong is is. I have no idea if the relationship is worth saving from what you have said but at an absolute minimum your husband needs to stop treating you this way. He's not going to do this spontaneously so you will have to challenge him. Schedule a time for a talk when you are both calm. Personally, I couldn't stand this at all and do want to say LTB but I know that may not be appropriate, depending on your circumstances.

This. I’m suffering the after effects of not moving properly after a significant injury and wishing I could turn back time 😢

jesus christ woman get called vile by husband and son and somehow shes in the wrong

ffs

My OH has ADHD and he interrupts me but we just have a gentle giggle about it and carry on. It’s no biggie for us. I love him how he is.

I have some experience in this department, ie kids mirroring ExH words.
Nasty snarly comments clearly from a grown up, sulky one sided knee jerk comments!
This man has no respect for you, easy for me me to say but I’d think about your position and if you want to have this on repeat. This man can casually call you a vile, nasty horrible piece of work…. Then screw him…
Ditch this man and be happier going forwards, no one should have to accept this.
Not a sackable offence getting your your kids out doors at all, keep it up, kids needs chivvying up and a bit of resilience instilled.
Good luck!

This reminds me of my toxic ex-BIL. He is such a belittling misogynist. My sister gets this narrative day in day out from her teenage son.

Honestly by now I'd have chucked him out, or at least I feel I would.

Normally I don’t say ltb…but in this case it would be ultimatum time. Either he treats you with respect or he fucks off. You don’t need your child learning how to be an arse who treats other people poorly

No this is unacceptable, you need to have this out with you DH straight away. Does he have no opinions of his own? If he is so weak minded he can't resist just thinking what he was td last you need to ditch him ASAP before he infects all your children with this infantile attitude. Do not accept it's just a bit of a laugh it is DH who is being vile. Someone as impressionable as your DH will show you no respect unless you demand it, if he is convinced you always get your own way maybe he should move out for a while so you can have some breathing space and he can think about what he wants-his Tik Tok chums are not going to come around and cook his dinner for him. On the other hand it does look as if you have a very rigid idea of what is best for everyone ane insisting on your solution to the "problem". Your DH reaction to it is outrageous though.

My DH has always been a not very closeted misogynist, at home anyway. Outside the house he presents himself in a very different way. I always presumed that this wouldn't have much effect on our children, as they never seemed to chime with that sort of negative rhetoric. Unfortunately I was naive. One of our sons has bought into it big time in the last few years, and thinks the sun shines out of his father's behind, and views pretty much everything I say or do as beneath him. I'm sure this is what led him to dive into the Andrew Tate rabbit hole.

Everyone is saying the park , it’s the beach 🏖️
Now continue ..__

StripeyBalloon, I really don’t know what why people are giving you such a hard time on this thread! You do not deserve this treatment from either of them, no one should be spoken to like that, especially not by their loved ones. If you want this marriage to work in a loving and kind way, you and your husband will need counseling I think. Someone to help you both communicate with each other in a way that is respectful and works, and also a good example for your children. But personally, I’d leave.

OP you are correct on both counts, a 13 year old should have some fresh air not stuck inside crutches or not. Also put him straight he talks to you like that remove his phone. You husband is supposed to be a role model so he needs to curb what he says in front of the kids, not a pleasant man from what you have said, he needs to grow up..