DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

[StripeyBalloon]

Long-ish story… Taking our two children to the park this morning, our oldest has injured his leg and is on crutches-he hasn’t really left the house much since he hurt his leg (possible ligament damage) and is beginning to fester! I said it would be nice if he had a spin in the car and sat on a bench in the sun while his sibling played.

It was a fight to get him off the couch and to leave the house and in the car he said “It’s (insert my first name’s) way again” etc. It’s the sort of thing my husband regularly says when I suggest taking them out for an hour etc. it’s a fight then that’s what he says. In the car I said DS was just parroting what DH says that’s it’s my way again and that I’m pushing my agenda, it’s not really a normal thing for a kid to say? It’s him parroting an adult.

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman and that I’m determined to ruin the day.

We got to the park and he then started joking around and trying to make me laugh. I was still upset and he said he’s been watching a lot of TikTok videos about mothers who ruin family days out and I’m like that! WTF. He then backtracked and said oh they are just comedy skits, don’t be so serious etc.

I’ve basically noticed DS repeating word for word phrases he has heard DH say about me - another is shouting at me saying “Stop talking over me!” when we are having a conversation etc.

AIBU? It’s triggering me now that DS is parroting his Dad 🙄

As mentioned upthread, if the intention had been for him not to move around, they would have supplied a wheelchair, not crutches.

My advice to OP is to listen to her DS who is nothing like her DH.

I haven’t focussed on the ‘irrelevant point as to whether it was healthy or not to get him outside” I have responded to the earlier posters who focussed on this irrelevant point stating unequivocally that it was essential to his health to go to the park by expressing the counter point that this is not necessarily true given a ligament injury.

Threads don’t always stick to just what the OP asks. Here the OP says it is “triggering” to hear her DS say things similar to her DH, the two examples were “stop talking over me” and “it’s your way again”. Both of these are common expressions and not a worrying way to speak to someone when having a disagreement.

the “vile piece of work” is horrendous, but the DS has never said anything like this, the DH did. Name calling is never ok. And OP should not be conflating her DS to her DH or accusing her DS of acting like her DH.

I think the key issue is being overlooked: your husband obviously doesn't like you very much if at all.

I don't think that I would want to stay in a relationship with someone who said what your husband has said to you.

I don't even know you'd deal with your son if this is the way your husband speaks to you.

It all depends on the movements prescribed for physio. You can do too much or too little movement.

Ffs. You make it sound like his mother was waterboarding him. The vibrations, think of the vibrations! Look, she took her two kids to the local park on a beautiful sunny Sunday in May. They were there for maybe an hour and everyone got some nice vitamin D and even a fucking slushie - whoopee! On a different thread in an alternate universe, she would be called the bitch from hell for not encouraging healthy family activities. I'll bet £50 quid that no children were harmed or irreparably traumatised during this little outing. Now please get a grip.

Isn't speaking over each other, as in over lapping, just a normal part of human interaction?

Yes, and physios will also tell you that if you try to do too much movement you will re-injure yourself. That is common sense too but you seem to not understand that more isn’t always better.

The thing is DS has called me a vile woman, horrible woman and multiple other names that’s repeated from what he’s heard DH call me in arguments. Not just the “your way again or don’t talk over me” but many other names which is why I used the term “triggering”

We are still awaiting the results of his x-ray - we don’t know for sure that it’s his ligaments - nothings broken but he will need to go back for another x ray or maybe an MRI

I completely disagree, if the kid has started copying any negative phrases, that's not ok

This reads like prequel to some nacracistic parent thread on here where the op describes how their mother constantly talked over their father, and demanded that the whole house hold follow her ideas and activity for the day no matter what, even when nobody wanted to, and one was on crutches. For no reason other than it's what she decided she wanted to happen. 😂

If he is watching anti-woman stuff on Tiktok then 100% guaranteed there will be worse showing up and he will eventually get worse towards you also, and therefore so will your son. Your son is mimicking but it's you husband that is the problem.

You were just being a responsible parent trying to get your kid outside and that isn't the, or any, issue.

Are you the parent of the boy here? No. The OP is and that is her decision. You make your own parenting decisions and if that involves letting your teenage son do whatever he wants then that’s up to you. That said, the OP making her son go out really isn’t the issue- it’s the husband’s treatment of her and the impact that’s having. Interesting you’re not bothered about that but just want to have a go at the OP

Then focus on what matters- teaching DS not to name call. Teach him what is ok to say and what is not, if everything he says is wrong he won’t learn how to respectfully disagree.

Your DH shouldn’t be doing it either, not much you can do about that other than try and get him to stop or leave him.

He's the child you're the adult discipline him. Don't take no rubbish from a 13 year old. You carried him for 9 months and went through hell pushing him out and then the trauma of bringing him up don't put up with it.

What is wrong with
“stop talking over me” and “it’s your way again” when that is what is happening?

You are being talked over, you are being forced to do something someone else’s way.

How do you object to it? Or should it be shut up and put up?

Wrong. My youngest just had a torn ACL last fall and was on crutches. The orthopods who treated her gave her three days off work and then she was able to go back to work. They did expect her to move around in those three days. She works on her feet in the lab. No driving restrictions or not riding in a car. Yes, it's painful but it's better than clots or pneumonia.

Look up complications of bedrest. It's why they get people who have had surgery up and moving within hours. He had a leg injury and you want to support blood return to the heart with activity. OP has said he's refusing to get up and even go in their garden. He requires activity every so often.

There is not much she can do about her DH winding her up. There is something she can do about ds attitude.

@LoremIpsumCici

"Or should it be shut up and put up?"

Yep, because sometimes children including (some might say especially) teenagers need to. Autonomy isn't a given right in every and all circumstances. Same goes for adults and society as whole actually.

What kind of consequences are you willing to enforce over this? You know it's unacceptable, and you know you can't control what other people do; you can only control your response. It's happening repeatedly and will happen again. This must make decision making with your partner very stressful and difficult. Personally? I would end the relationship, or at least put DH on notice that speaking to me in that way will end the relationship. But don't say that unless you mean it. You can't possibly get traction with your son about this being unacceptable if he sees that it's actually frequently accepted from his dad.

He goes to school 5 days a week. Staying home on a Sunday is hardly going to give him a blood clot.🤣

All the “festering” at home was hyperbole.

Presumably he goes to school? If so, I’d imagine he’s moving around then.

I had an MPFL reconstruction on my knee, and was on crutches for months. Keeping mobile is important, but I still wouldn’t force my son to go to the park if he didn’t want to.

Wow, so you think it is acceptable to talk over children, not listen to them, and dictate enforced “fun” that makes them miserable?

I sense your children will be on the “but we took you to stately homes with play parks” thread.

Your DS may well be repeating things he's heard your DH say but perhaps you all need to take a look at what's going on in your family. It's not acceptable for him to be rude to you. But you really do sound quite controlling as well and you're not helping the situation.
A 13 year old should be capable of a reasonable discussion as to why he can't sit in a dark room gaming all day. But that doesn't mean he should be forced to go to a park he can't play in to watch his siblings having a good time. That's really a rather mean thing to do.
He's using his dad's language to stand up for himself. He's got a shit role model but that's not his fault. You and your DH need to provide a better image of how people should behave when they don't agree with each other.
And, no, people don't talk over each other. They listen and talk in turn. Nothing worse than trying to put your point of view across to someone who never lets you finish a sentence or get your say. it's hugely disrespectul whether to another adult or a child.

Resting 2 days after 5 days moving about at school is probably best for any injury.