DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

[StripeyBalloon]

Long-ish story… Taking our two children to the park this morning, our oldest has injured his leg and is on crutches-he hasn’t really left the house much since he hurt his leg (possible ligament damage) and is beginning to fester! I said it would be nice if he had a spin in the car and sat on a bench in the sun while his sibling played.

It was a fight to get him off the couch and to leave the house and in the car he said “It’s (insert my first name’s) way again” etc. It’s the sort of thing my husband regularly says when I suggest taking them out for an hour etc. it’s a fight then that’s what he says. In the car I said DS was just parroting what DH says that’s it’s my way again and that I’m pushing my agenda, it’s not really a normal thing for a kid to say? It’s him parroting an adult.

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman and that I’m determined to ruin the day.

We got to the park and he then started joking around and trying to make me laugh. I was still upset and he said he’s been watching a lot of TikTok videos about mothers who ruin family days out and I’m like that! WTF. He then backtracked and said oh they are just comedy skits, don’t be so serious etc.

I’ve basically noticed DS repeating word for word phrases he has heard DH say about me - another is shouting at me saying “Stop talking over me!” when we are having a conversation etc.

AIBU? It’s triggering me now that DS is parroting his Dad 🙄

So, basically, you make an adult man and a teenager do things that you enjoy, just because you think the things you enjoy are better?

I’ll be honest, if I’d been chivvied along to sit on a bench in a park when I was a teenager on crutches, when I was perfectly happy chilling on the sofa with a book or a pile of VHS tapes of my favourite horror films, I would have been massively resentful too. He’s not a young child; just leave him at home. I think once they get to teen years they’re always going to be pissed off when you don’t let them relax in their own leisure time.

And if my partner now was telling me, a grown adult, that I had to go for a walk and some fresh air because he’d decided I was spending too much time indoors, I would be telling him very clearly to stop infantilising me and telling me what to do.

From your updates you do sound like hard work.

Hah OP, not to get stuck on this, but I have ADHD and absolutely talk over people, even on meds, and even when really trying not to. Yet it absolutely drives me nuts when other people do it (weirdly with the sole exception of other ADHD friends as we're thinking at the same speed).

You're right to be really pissed off and upset with what was said, but it sounds like you need to sit and talk to your DH about the state of your relationship. You're never going to stop doing some of the things that wind him up - a lot of it is likely part of the ADHD and therefore part of you and not subject to change. That includes things like sometimes not acknowledging that other people don't want to do the things you want to do.

So can he live with that and support and love you? Or is he going to drip poison constantly? And can you acknowledge how annoying some of this stuff is? I know I have to apologise and take responsibility for being insufferable sometimes, even though it's part of the ADHD and I really can't help it, because it does have effects on others and that is my responsibility, regardless.

Exactly!
The thing is I think younger women are pretty good with boundaries so it’s unlikely this young man will ever have a successful relationship with any woman if he speaks to them like that…quite sad really

You are taking the wrong lesson here. The first time a partner said I was a “horrible woman” would have been the last. You are sticking with an absolute shit of a husband and its going to ruin your relationship with your children and turn them into terrible partners in their turn.

So, basically, you make an adult man and a teenager do things that you enjoy, just because you think the things you enjoy are better?

literally called being a parent. You make your kids do what is best for them. Spending a weekend gaming is not healthy and OP would be a lazy parent to let him.

If the OP is married with a lazy slob, of course he's an adult and she can't force him to go out and do something, as unappealing as he might be. She's not wrong to ASK him.

My daughter recently started speaking to me like crap after spending time at her dads. At her request she has stopped sleeping over but still sees him. Guess what? She has now stopped speaking to me like that because she was witnessing her dad speak to his wife like that. I’d tell him to pack his bags.

My Ex has adhd and so does my daughter.

Honestly I do think your DH was out of order but after twenty years living with two Adhders I don’t know how I didn’t commit murder.

i virtually never got a full sentence out without someone interrupting me.

your dh was out of order.

but don’t underestimate how much you talking over people can be really upsetting to them.

So many posters focusing on the wrong thing here as usual - the in's and out's of whether the kid should get some fresh air are NOT really the issue (although I'm with OP on this). OP's husband calling her a "horrible woman" and "vile" and denigrating her for years in front of their children is the issue and it's completely unacceptable. OP your husband sounds like a horrible bullying arsehole. I agree with other posters who 'get it' that this is completely unacceptable way and unfortunately your son is learning that it's ok to speak to you this way too. This is a bigger problem than a tiff over whether to go to the park for half an hour or not.

Even if it’s insist I don’t think the mum is being a bad guy for telling her kids they need to get a change of scene, some exercise and fresh air! I think she’s being a good mum, getting them to do something entirely painless as a family for their mental and physical health instead of taking the easy way out and letting them do whatever they want. Cant believe people are giving a mum a hard time for getting her kids off their screens (mine aren’t at that phase so maybe I’m missing something but my cousin says she massively regrets not doing just this when her son disappeared into his room at a young age for entire days as it’s much harder to put in boundaries later when they’re used to being in control of everything).
and of course, the husband sounds so disrespectful that a serious chat about how his words are impacting you in needed OP.

To be honest, putting aside that your husband speaks to you in a horrible way (unacceptable), if you are the sort of person to force someone out of the house with a leg injury (I was in a cast for months and this would have been terrible), then maybe you are the sort of person to be „my way or the highway“? Maybe you are difficult and demanding. Just possibly two sides to this.

I don’t see why being on crutches stops him from being out and about . He’s only young and shouldn’t be lazing around .
When my youngest broke his leg and had a full plaster cast on , he got told off by the hospital for playing football on his crutches 😂.

I pick my battles it’s so important to get them out. Ive let my daughter chill because she just finished her sats had a really busy week and I could see by her mood she was knackered by Friday.

I think there are a number of issues here:
Adolescents are notoriously moody, rebellious and challenging. And many like nothing more than lying about in stuffy, unpleasant environments. We have to provide them with appropriate, safe boundaries and guidelines for acceptable behaviours, and wait until they mature a bit. I can remember being furious and huffy about being dragged out by parents for a Sunday walk, but I wasn't given a choice. I survived.
If your son was seen by a medical professional and had the crutches provided by them, I expect that he was given advice on rehabilitating that included the correct physio excercises for the injury. Usualy NHS will provide links to videos and printed information with descriptions and pictures of the excercises he should be doing daily. He was given crutches to enable him to be mobile. He is risking long-term damage by not doing this.
I'm not sure why an outing needs to be for the four of you going to the park. Could your son have a short walk round the block with his brother or a friend, or you a couple of times a day and increasing his time off the sofa over the next couple of weeks?
I am sorry that you husbands undermines you and is verbally abusive. Is there someone supportive you can talk to about this? It would be very sad if your son developed into an adult who understood this to be acceptable and behaved in this way towards his future partners.
Best wishes

no need to be so dramatic 😂

And clearly it's never too early to be shown a leg injury shouldn't be enough to be stuck in a house for months.

She wanted her son to go outside and gets called a vile woman and you agree with this? She’s just parenting her child!

Actually I don't think you should let it slide

You don't need another misogynist in the family

It seems like a load of posters are determined to have a go at you for some reason and gloss over what your husband and son said to you. I can’t see what’s remotely unreasonable of you to want your son to go to the park for a bit and even if that was terribly damaging, unfair or whatever, it doesn’t excuse their language. I would also be concerned about the attitudes my son was picking up and there’s no way your husband should be speaking to you like that either in front of the children or when you’re alone. If he disagrees with you on something he needs to speak reasonably with you about it away from the kids. Put that boundary down and insist on it so you can both model healthy, respectful relationships

And even if that's true, how does it justify being called a "vile, horrible woman" in front of their kids?!

I would be absolutely horrified if my DH spoke to me like that. Let's not normalise verbal abuse.

I can't believe that this is what you pick on in this whole post. I have been on crutches twice and it's absolutely important for your mental and physical wellbeing to not just sit on the sofa all day. She wasn't making him hop a marathon or go climbing, OP just wanted him to get outside, sit on a goddamn bench and have an ice cream or something.

So your husband is an abusive shit that mischaracterizes you responding to him as “talking over him.” He also verbally abuses you and then screams at you when you try to stand up for yourself or call him out on the lies he tells about you?

Leave him. Forget not liking you, it sounds like he hates you. You shouldn’t live like that, you deserve better.

Your partner is abusive and your child is learning to be.

Leave the partner and make it clear to your son that you left him because of the way he spoke to you. That women don't stay with abusive men and he shouldn't emulate his father or he'll end up alone too.

Don't miss and hit the wall. You are responsible for how your son grows up. You've seen him changing. Fix it before it's too late.

Incredible you're having to justify this point again and again. Injury or not, it is not healthy to let your teen stuck inside for days and days, even if that's what they want to do. Our job as a parent is to enforce healthy habits and attitudes, even if our kids don't want to. OP isn't pushing her own agenda but doing the right thing for her kids. (Pushing her own agenda would be to force the whole family to go clothes shopping for her in a woman only shop while everyone has to sit there and wait, for example.)
DH was horrible to you (seem like he's been so often in the past) and having your teenage son do the same is a massive wake up call to tell your DH to stop and do better, and to correct your son so he doesn't treat women and girls with such contempt.

The mra sadsacks are out in force I see. It's like catnip to the losers. 😂