DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

[StripeyBalloon]

Long-ish story… Taking our two children to the park this morning, our oldest has injured his leg and is on crutches-he hasn’t really left the house much since he hurt his leg (possible ligament damage) and is beginning to fester! I said it would be nice if he had a spin in the car and sat on a bench in the sun while his sibling played.

It was a fight to get him off the couch and to leave the house and in the car he said “It’s (insert my first name’s) way again” etc. It’s the sort of thing my husband regularly says when I suggest taking them out for an hour etc. it’s a fight then that’s what he says. In the car I said DS was just parroting what DH says that’s it’s my way again and that I’m pushing my agenda, it’s not really a normal thing for a kid to say? It’s him parroting an adult.

DH got very angry, said I was a nasty piece of work, vile, a horrible woman and that I’m determined to ruin the day.

We got to the park and he then started joking around and trying to make me laugh. I was still upset and he said he’s been watching a lot of TikTok videos about mothers who ruin family days out and I’m like that! WTF. He then backtracked and said oh they are just comedy skits, don’t be so serious etc.

I’ve basically noticed DS repeating word for word phrases he has heard DH say about me - another is shouting at me saying “Stop talking over me!” when we are having a conversation etc.

AIBU? It’s triggering me now that DS is parroting his Dad 🙄

Yanbu. I would seriously be reconsidering my relationship if my husband spoke to me like this, and if his behaviour was constant enough that my teenage son was parroting back this misogynistic bullshit back at me. No chance. This is so disrespectful

This is dangerous to his recovery. You weee right to try to get him out.

I suggested and DH was on board too - we did both insist though that DS leave the house with us as he was festering in his chair!

YANBU - your husband is emotionally abusive and is also encouraging the kids to turn against you which isn’t acceptable.

That depends if they actually want to surely? There’s nothing stopping you going yourself or with the youngest. There’s your balance, two stay at home doing what they want to do and you two go out and do what you want to do.

I really don't think it's overbearing or whatever to insist a teen gets out of the house for an hour.

Teenagers are children and still need you to parent them and make decisions that are in their best interest.

If your ds was a young child I would agree he must have heard it from your dh. As he's a teen, however, I wouldn't automatically assume that

If this thread was about a DH and teen DS gaming all weekend the replies would mostly be “get them outside, it’s unhealthy” “the DH is opting out of family life” etc
rather than these replies

your son is learning how to treat women from his dad & it isn’t a good example

I hope there isn’t a drip feed that he’s actually 19 😂

Bizarre that people can't see that a teen sitting in house on crutches should go out , be in a different environment, get fresh air, walk around a bit, rather than sitting on a phone, gaming all week. You and your dh were absolutely right to get him out. I dont know if op talks over people, can see she'd be tempted to given the way her dh frequently talks to her. Sounds like a v stressful atmosphere op.

I can’t believe how many people are saying that a teen with an injury who has been sitting around festering should have been allowed to stay home if they wanted to - it’s incredibly difficult for adults, let alone teens, to recognise sometimes the need to stretch and get some fresh air and ensure they get blood moving post recovery. I don’t know if there’s more to the story but it sounds to me like a caring mother trying to do right by a teen who stubbornly likes to stay indoors and a man who pretended to agree with her and then flipped it. People love to criticise 😔.

I would never tolerate the way your husband spoke to you, game over for me.

You find it unbelievable that a child would copy their dad's language and attitude?

You have no issue with your husband sitting all weekend in the dark gaming?!?……I would loose all respect for an adult male who did this, pathetic

lol no he’s 13 😆

He’s been parroting phrases from his Dad for years, it’s not a new thing-says horrible woman etc when angry at me which is picked up from his Dad. That’s why it was triggering, I should have just let it slide.

I would do everything I could to get a 19 yo that hadn't left the sofa in days out of the house for an hour.

Or any aged family member tbh.

When he started why did you not say OK well you two go back inside I will go to the park? Because I would in fact I have my ex used to turn the tables on me like this quite regularly I would take the opportunity to go out leave him with his child and stay a little longer than he was comfortable with usually ended with him having a breakdown and telling everyone how bad I was for leaving him

He didn't want to stay home and be miserable he wanted ME to stay home and be miserable

That's really your take from all of this?

Yes I promise it was meant with good intentions as he really does need to move around a lot more, it’s not healthy otherwise, I wasn’t forcing my agenda or getting my own way - it’s not good for him to just stay in bed or on the couch all day every day etc.

My first issue is with him first naming you. The level of disrespect.

I would have very quickly been reminded that “it’s mum to you.”

You’re his mother, and are entitled to demand that he doesn’t sit festering in his room all weekend. It’s within his best interests to get out, and he wasn’t going to do it without encouragement.

Your husband sounds like an idiot. If he thinks you’re so vile, he should go and find someone he doesn’t feel that way about. I’d imagine he’d struggle to find a rational grown up woman who is accepting of his desire to game all weekend like a teenage boy.

OP has explained this. As a parent she was trying to get him out and moving for his mental health. She can’t just let a teen do whatever he wants aged 13, imagine what that would end up looking like!

I can’t believe so many people are implying it’s your fault that he speaks to you like that. Please don’t listen to them. He sounds awful and by staying with him you are indicating to your kids that this is a reasonable way to speak to a woman (or anyone!).

This.

Hmm.

i’ve had nasty foot injuries including broken bones.

I’ll be honest, if I’m in pain and can’t move very well then going to the park is not high on my list of things to do. Crutches are a bugger to use and really hurt your hands.

garden, yes. Gentle mobilisation, yes.

your dh does sound unpleasant but it does sound a bit like you ride a bit roughshod over your family.

if you do talk over other people then they are reasonable to ask you to stop. It is rude.

Your husband sounds really nasty and you are his target. Now your son is copying his dad and you will never get your husband to back you up - he will always side with his son.

If you did separate and your son lived with his dad for half of the week, then your son would get to game non-stop and you'd be seen as the bad guy, trying to enforce a healthier lifestyle and a better attitude towards women.