Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

[OverTheRainbow22]

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

Sorry for the lack of replies today. He didn’t return until just gone midnight and I’ve since learn the group he was with went to a strip club. He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in and it was just for drinks and nothing more….

Ah yes of course, I'm sure the cool wives will say thats fine

I wonder why the relationship with the mum of his other kid failed

🤷‍♀️ Shocker.

The sort of man that goes out to wet the babies is also the sort to go on an all day bender and is the sort to go to a strip club.

Of course your concerns are met with "you'll adapt" and it's "nothing to worry about" because he has (predictably) "done it all before". Out of interest, what aftual parenting has he done before?

Strip club? Yep. No issue with that either.

I'm assuming you didn't breastfeed? Simply because my husband was hugely necessary the first few weeks, my babies fed the clock round, only slept while feeding, at least for the first 6 weeks or so. If I was alone who would be cleaning, doing laundry, cooking? And hats off to women who will now come along and say they did it all but if my husband had left me in the position where that was on me while recovering from a c section and breastfeeding I'd no longer have a husband because what would be the point of him?

Awe honey, did you get picked ..

No. I did. Both children. With various significant complications relating to child birth and a broken leg. I’m not a hero. I just got on with it. He was back at work 10 days post partum anyway. And I recognised that he was also finding it hard so needed time. If I could have I would have but I believe in lifting people up.

Been to one since I had kids too. Not sure what the big deal is. But that’s us. I don’t feel the need to make people suffer - particularly my husband - just for the sake of it. If I actually needed him of course. But talk of banking the day isn’t talk of someone needing it.

This is a straw man argument, because this isn’t about parents having the ‘odd day off’. It’s about a woman who’s two weeks PP with her first baby and her partner getting bladdered for 12hrs after 1) misleading her about where he was going and 2) misleading her about how long he was going for.

Which is pretty typical of most people when they go out drinking. If it’s not a pattern and a one off so what?

What’s any of that got to do with how the OP feels?

Well your bar or your (presumably child free) 21yr old daughter’s bar isn’t high enough for OP, who is perfectly reasonable in expecting and asking for more support at 2 weeks PP.

I hope you offer your daughter more support if she ever gets upset that the father of her 2 week old misleads her as to where is is going and how long for to get wankered for 12 hours.

The same as all those ignoring her comment about “banking the day” and telling her he’s the most awful person ever? Suppose she’s a balanced individual thinking “ooooh he had a day, I’m booking the spa” only to be met with endless posts about awful it is to leave someone alone with a baby at only 2 weeks even though (presumably) he’s back to work soon and she will be alone?

Again, it’s a baby. You can be a parent alone. You can parent together. It’s fine and healthy to want to go out. It’s fine and healthy to need your partner. There are too many people projecting their own negative experiences - standard mumsnet - rather than reading the actual post. There’s no mention of not coping. Of struggling. There’s mention of banking the day.

She’s asking to bank the day. Read the post.

Now we're learning why he's onto his second 'baby mama'.

No. I’m very happily married for 15yrs with a DH who didn’t prioritise getting wankered for 12hrs while I was at home with our two 2-week old newborns.

I’m so sorry, OP. I really hope you have some other solid support around you. Are you able to go stay with a family member for a couple of days so you can get some support and get your head round this?

It’s of precisely zero relevance what you are or are not OK with in your relationship.

Honestly OP I'd be raging with this, it's just totally scummy and very disrespectful to you. Its certainly not normal new dad behaviour, my husband wouldnt have even wanted to go out drinking that soon after bringing a baby home. I would be having a serious word.

You consider it suffering to expect a father to be with his child while he can when they're a newborn? Why is that suffering?

I'm not at all surprised you're so cool you go to strip clubs. I don't know that you think very deeply do you? Probably makes life easier.

No, it’s not typical to go out getting wankered for 12 hours. Check your standards (and perhaps your alcohol levels).

She’s still upset and find it unacceptable. Read the post.

' He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in '

and why would that be ?

were they so drunk it was the only place that allowed them in ?

at that time it's not as if everywhere else was closed / closing

So tell that to the person who made the dig in the first place.