Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

[OverTheRainbow22]

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

Again shitty assumption. Why assume all men are rubbish? Does it make you feel better about your life?

I didnt assume all men are rubbish. Just the ones married to ones who think it is normal for theirs to go to a strip club when you have a newborn at home.

Well that’s bollocks.

Seems he and his group of mates will use any excuse for a piss up. I guess if this is a once or twice a year thing it is bearable. Timing awful though & I would be furious. Watch out for it going the way of some I know - disappearing off for days with no warning. That rarely gets better ime. Also does display a lack of understanding of responsibility towards family (above mates). I hope it was a one off.

I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about
what youve found out is he has no concerns as he doesnt expect his life to change at all.

Got to love it when people consider wider context and contributions.

The strip club is completely unacceptable.

However, wetting the babies head used to be a big thing when my DCs were born (24 years ago). DH did it whilst I was still in hospital after a C section (twins), to minimise any disruption to us but I wouldn't have minded if he'd gone out when we were home. We've both always had our own separate social lives as well as doing things together.

He went to a strip club while ‘wetting the baby’s bead’? He’s scum.

I'd rather be called controlling by a random on MN than have a partner who told me he was going for a couple of drinks then ended up out all day and at a strip club. Imo, life is far nicer for women who can trust their partner to be where he says he's going to be, to support them with a new born baby, and to avoid exploiting other women than it is for those putting up with all that and calling other women names to cheer themselves up.

Agree.
I really wouldn’t want @cramptramp ’s life, it sounds utterly dismal.

It’s not controlling to want to know when your partner will be back.
Its not controlling to be annoyed at your partner to not keep to his word
Its not controlling to not be happy to see your partner going to a strip club
Its not controlling to see your partner coming back totally wasted, which means they’ll be a write off the next day when they were suppose to support you.

Going out is ok.
Getting drunk is ok.
But that’s not what happened there.

If he wanted to go out forvtye whole evening and have a ‘good time’, he should have agreed with the OP first. Not say one thing, knowing she’ll say yes agd then do the other, because he knew it was more problematic. That's call manipulation.

As for the strip club, ….

Let's see..
Scenario 1 - partner says he's going for a couple of drinks. He goes, comes home after a couple and picks up his share of the childcare. You know you've had a baby with a reliable man who can be trusted to do as he says.
Scenario 2 - partner says he's going for a couple of drinks. He goes, then doesn't come home until he's drunk senseless and has visited a strip club. He's useless for the baby, so you're on your own there. But! You have the compensation of knowing you can look after your child on your own and are not controlling. Yay.
I'm really torn between which of the two is most appealing....