Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

286 replies

OverTheRainbow22 · 17/05/2025 22:03

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

OP posts:
5128gap · 18/05/2025 20:16

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 20:08

Speak for yourself.

Show quote history

I don't need to speak for myself. I'm not in this situation. I'm speaking about the circumstances on the thread.

Everintroverte · 18/05/2025 20:28

thepariscrimefiles · 18/05/2025 17:54

What a lovely tradition and way to celebrate the birth of his baby by looking at other women's tits. It's quite heartwarming.

Show quote history

Exactly this. I feel for you OP. How disappointing that this was his idea of an acceptable 'wetting the babies head'.
Personally, I don't think I would be able to come back from this.

Take some time to think about you and the future you want for yourself and your child.

memoriesofamiga · 18/05/2025 20:30

My ex husband did this OP, despite me begging him not to. Note ex husband, although this was the thin end of the wedge when it came to his behaviour. I hope you're ok.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 20:46

5128gap · 18/05/2025 20:16

I don't need to speak for myself. I'm not in this situation. I'm speaking about the circumstances on the thread.

Show quote history

Those aren’t the circumstances on the thread.

Bababear987 · 18/05/2025 20:52

OP please ignore people saying this is ok or trying to justify it as having his own time or relaxing with mates..... nope not when the baby is 2weeks old, he should be at home doing what any decent man would be doing.

There is a massive difference between a drink with friends and getting wasted and going to a strip club, lying about it and then I'm assuming being unable to parent the next day. Although I personally wouldnt be loving a drink with friends 2 weeks post partum this is time for getting to know your baby and support each other, getting on top of feeding and sleeping and it's a massive adjustment. Does he have much to do with his other child? I feel like he was equally as useless with his last partner

UseNailOil · 18/05/2025 21:01

OverTheRainbow22 · 18/05/2025 16:25

Sorry for the lack of replies today. He didn’t return until just gone midnight and I’ve since learn the group he was with went to a strip club. He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in and it was just for drinks and nothing more….

I was ok with him ‘wetting the baby’s head’ until I saw this. NOWHERE is it tradition, necessary or the right thing to do to go out on a bender and a strip club ‘to wet the baby’s head’.

You poor thing. I would be so sad, disappointed and disgusted if I was sitting there in breast pads and maternity pads with a tiny newborn and he was in a strip club for God’s sake. I would find this SO disrespectful and hurtful.

I’m so sorry OP. If you are as upset as I would be in your shoes I hope you let him know.

And as appalling as HIS behaviour is I’d question the company he’s keeping too.

BlueTitShark · 18/05/2025 21:22

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 16:56

No. I did. Both children. With various significant complications relating to child birth and a broken leg. I’m not a hero. I just got on with it. He was back at work 10 days post partum anyway. And I recognised that he was also finding it hard so needed time. If I could have I would have but I believe in lifting people up.

Show quote history

All good to lift people up, as long as it’s not at your own detriment.

No point in heroic ‘lifting up’.
Esp, as I learnt the hard way, it’s rarely returned when I actually needed it….

BlueTitShark · 18/05/2025 21:24

@OverTheRainbow22 im sorry.

He is showing you his true colours usnt he? No wonder he wasn’t anxious about the arrival of a new chikd. He clearly doesn’t plan to be that involved. But rather to carry on his life as if he was still single. Whilst trying to gaslight you into thinking his actions are all above board.

What’s your plan now?

Dramatic · 18/05/2025 21:27

OverTheRainbow22 · 18/05/2025 16:25

Sorry for the lack of replies today. He didn’t return until just gone midnight and I’ve since learn the group he was with went to a strip club. He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in and it was just for drinks and nothing more….

I was going to say that if it's not a regular pattern of behaviour it wouldn't bother me too much but this tips it over the edge. I would be very very unhappy with this and it would take a lot to make it up to me

whynotmereally · 18/05/2025 21:50

So my dh friends do this (common in our area) but dh went to local for a hour n half. And the wives came to mine for a catch up.

USaYwHatNow · 18/05/2025 22:09

I was born in the early 90s and my dad went out to 'wet the baby's head'. He came home absolutely plastered apparently and was later awoken by his gran giving him a firm slap and shoving her best smelling salts under his nose.

My husband has also traditionally wet our babies' heads... with his mates at the local Toby Carvery for an all you can eat breakfast and a coffee, baby in tow so I can have a sleep 🤣

TossedSaladandScramblyEggs · 18/05/2025 22:16

OrangeCrushes · 17/05/2025 22:05

This sounds weird and dangerous. All is probably fine, but it's really irresponsible behaviour. I have literally never heard of it.

You've never heard of wetting the babies head? 😂

Have you heard of christenings when the baby literally gets water poured on their heads?

cramptramp · 18/05/2025 22:37

He’s gone out with his friends to drink alcohol and get drunk. So what? It doesn’t matter about the reason, both he and you are entitled to go out with friends and do what you want. A lot of very controlling women on here.

HeathHealing · 18/05/2025 23:04

Didimum · 18/05/2025 12:52

This thread so depressingly shows how a bar for man is on the floor and a bar for a woman is high sky.

A woman two weeks out out from giving birth to her first baby is in the wrong for expressing what she needs at this point in time to feel supported. She ‘should be able to cope’, ‘why can’t she bear to look after her child for a day’. It’s pretty vile.

Yes. The ‘pick me’ women are out and about on this thread.

HeathHealing · 18/05/2025 23:14

thepariscrimefiles · 18/05/2025 17:57

It's like the Four Yorkshire Men round here.

Show quote history

I thought that as well!

HeathHealing · 18/05/2025 23:17

OP I am sorry that your husband did this. It’s pretty disgusting behaviour. But no doubt the low of bar ‘cool mums’ here will say it’s just fine and get yourself down to watch the Chippendales.

GoodCharl · 19/05/2025 00:26

12 hour bender and a strip club? Wow, just wow. I bet also shirking responsibilities today too as hungover? Fucking hell

Codlingmoths · 19/05/2025 00:39

cramptramp · 18/05/2025 22:37

He’s gone out with his friends to drink alcohol and get drunk. So what? It doesn’t matter about the reason, both he and you are entitled to go out with friends and do what you want. A lot of very controlling women on here.

it is not controlling to expect the man who chose to have a baby with you to make that baby his focus in its first few weeks of life, and his overall priority for the next 18 years. Nor is it controlling to have normal healthy boundaries. I don’t want my partner going to strip clubs. I’d be very upset and he knows it. If he went to one a few weeks after I’d used my body to birth our baby, our marriage would immediately be on the rocks as doing that shows no respect for me and the role I’ve played in our family.

crumblingschools · 19/05/2025 00:44

Anyone who thinks this is fine after reading OP’s update must have a bar so low it can’t be off the ground, and god hope they aren’t bringing up DC to think this is the right way to behave after a baby is born, either for a son to think he is okay to do this as a new father and for a daughter to accept such behaviour

Fantailsflitting · 19/05/2025 01:31

The idea that women with partners and newborn babies should feel proud about how they coped singlehandedly while their partners were out drinking or at strip clubs is just sad. I mean why would you be proud of doing this? Why aren't you a bit embarassed or regretful that your partner is so thoughtless? It is like those women who have c-sections and boasting that they were hanging out the washing three days later. Women can do these things - it doesn't mean they should have to do those things if they have a partner or husband. And the explanation that the only place they could get a drink was a strip club - bearing in mind that they actually travelled to another town - is just insulting. He'll be telling you next he kept his eyes shut tight while getting drunk there.

Trallers · 19/05/2025 02:25

The extended lash session would seriously irritate me but not a deal breaker. I tend to avoid relationships with people who like to drink in that way though. The strip club on the other hand...

If the only place serving drinks is a strip club and you are a decent man, then out of respect for your partner and just because, you go home at that point. Even more ridiculous that celebrating the birth of a new baby requires a strip club. I would be beyond outraged and ask him.for space to think while I decide what the next steps are going to be. Sorry Op.

Anditsherewegoagain · 19/05/2025 02:31

I didn't think " wetting the babies head" was still a thing.

And even when it was a norm it was about having a drink with friends and family to actually celebrate the birth of the child. It certainly wasn't about going on all day benders and going to strip clubs.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour by your partner OP. He's shown you totally no respect. And actually no respect for your wee baby because getting drunk and ogling naked women and goodness what else he got up to was obviously more important to.him than his new child.

I agree with the pp who suggested you take the baby and stay with friends or family while you think about what has happened.

This won't be the first time or the last your partner goes on benders and goes to strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs. And you really need to think about your relationship going forward.

SapporoBaby · 19/05/2025 02:48

Wetting the babies head was an excuse to get dad out of the room and the way of the mother giving birth. It’s no longer useful or necessary.

DorothyStorm · 19/05/2025 06:26

HeathHealing · 18/05/2025 23:04

Yes. The ‘pick me’ women are out and about on this thread.

Show quote history

They have to be to justified staying with their shitty men

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 06:39

HeathHealing · 18/05/2025 23:04

Yes. The ‘pick me’ women are out and about on this thread.

Show quote history

That isn’t what this is.

Not everyone has the same experience of child birth or parenting or marriage. There isn’t sufficient information within this thread to reach someone of the assumptions. If he does this all the time and contributes nothing parenting wise - not ok - if actually he is a parent who turns up and delivers who went out and got carried away as an isolated incident so what? What is the big deal? That makes someone a pick me? Give over.