Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

[OverTheRainbow22]

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

Where has OP or anyone on this thread said any of that? If exaggerating to the point of extremes is the only way you can put across your argument then you need to go back to GCSE English and have a lesson in persuasive writing.

I don't have too much of a problem with this as it sounds like you are doing OK. But age with PPs suggesting you make sure there is a time and date for YOU to get some time off with your friends too.

Making assumptions again.

No gcses in Scotland!

Give it a rest, you're making my stomach sore from laughing at your replies!

How about no?

Well, it's who he is OP, isn't it? A laddish bloke, with a bunch of 'boys' who are drinkers. There'll be stags, boys weekends, other babies heads to wet, Christmas, Bank Holidays, the football and the impromptu for no reason 'couple' that turns into a session. You will either have to accept this, learn to expect him when you see him, in whatever state he's in, and useless the next day, or try to get him to at least reduce the number of times he goes out so its a rare nuisance rather than a regular one. Obviously you could LTB, but its unlikely you're in a place where you'll consider that. Hopefully he may grow out of it before you reach the point you need to.

Save your pity for someone that needs it sweetheart.

It isn’t me dramatising a man going out for a day. Annoyed about what? Being on her own for a whole day being able to potter about? She could have had family round or friends. But no instead she’s ‘annoyed’. That’s being dramatic.

Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s an amazing dad who is supportive of his dd in every way.
And all this happened 20 years ago, before the puke had a chance to be cleared up the health visitor knocked on the door first thing, and I’d totally forgot she was coming.
Somehow we managed to muddle through our disastrous life, what with my low bar and everything, and my daughter is now thriving at a top university.
(The health visitor is still alive I presume, despite her trauma)

It’s not friends and family’s responsibility to support a newly PP mother, it’s the baby’s father. It’s a bonus if they can and do. Newsflash - most newly PP mothers would prefer to receive that support from their partner as well.

What a woman two weeks out from birth of her first baby requires in support from that partner will, in 99% of cases, be completely reasonable and understandable. Not going on a 12hr piss up to get wankered happens to be one of them. He can hold off while she still feel vulnerable and not top of the world.

Unbelievably out of order for going out with mates?

I need help with this. Have you not been out with your friends since you had kids? Your spouse?

What does ‘since you’ve had kids’ got to do with anything? OP’s baby is a couple of weeks old. Yeah, actually, a marathon piss up can take a back seat for now.

Surely 'wetting the baby's head' is about a congratulatory drink with the parents, not an excuse for the father to go on an all day bender.?

At what point is it ok to go out? Likely honestly I am not following this? What is going to happen when he’s at work all day? It’s fed back as a one off not every weekend situation. It’s a bloke who’s going out with mates. When is he (and her) able to go out without it being “bang of order” and what are the criteria for when it is ok? It’s one day. So what?

It’s been 2 weeks. It can wait.

I think you and everyone else are totally over reacting! I agree with @Riaanna and as long as he looks after baby when you want some time with friends too.
Mumsnet is sooo bloody uptight and man hating sometimes (most of the time).
Newborns are generally easy anyway. How do you think single parents manage?
Sounds like jealousy/spite/controlling to me

I do.

A man who enjoys going for a few drinks with his mates?
Oh the horror!

I know, it makes me laugh. I’m probably out more than dh is.

So screw what the brand new mother feels like she needs for support? Got it.

Single parents struggle so she must too. Got it.

Maybe she doesn’t want time out with friends. Maybe she’s sore and bleeding and sleep deprived and overwhelmed and wants her life partner and father of her child to forego all day piss ups right now. But that’s ‘spiteful’. Got it.

While this dad of the year over here actually lies to OP about where he’s going and how long he’ll be. Awesome.

You must be quite young. It used to be standard practice that a new dad would go out and 'wet the baby's head', which just means having a few (too many?) drinks to mark the birth. People drink less now and dads are more expected to be present and hands-on.

A woman who needs added support from her partner two weeks post partum! The injustice!

That didn’t actually answer my questions.

Finally, some common sense!!

This!

My husband went to Chicago when I was 3 weeks post partum with a 3 year and an infant. And I had a c section. No big deal as far as I was concerned. Sure if it was a pattern of disengaged parenting but that isn’t what is being described here. Few weeks old is the easy bit!

So then book a spa day and let him have the baby?

This type of thing is only a problem if its one sided. If he's perfectly happy for you to be able to go out and let your hair down too - then that's actually quite healthy. What isn't healthy is point scoring and becoming resentful of one another having time outside the home with friends.

I realise that this is a stretch to imply you are not healthy, because you're pissed off he's gone out all day/night when you have a very young baby at home... but in general don't let the world of Mumsnet convince you that your new DP is going to be an awful parent and partner to you because he's gone on one night out.