Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

[OverTheRainbow22]

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

Some of the replies are brilliant. I'm surprised at how many haven't heard the term before.

I wouldn't have a problem with it OP. I think a night off for a generally supportive and decent parent is a good thing. Book your spa day soon!

It’s dead normal in a lot of social circles where I am in North East Scotland.

And equally totally unheard of in others.

There’s a bit of accepting each others norms, even if they’re not your first choice, it theyre harmless and occasional.

I feel the same. What is the problem?

I am taken aback at the collective damning of this man for...what? Going out with his mates for the day?

Does he forfeit a day out because he has become a father? Lots of you seem to think so. When did that become a thing?

Will the OP and baby wither and die without his presence? What's the risk? What are you all on about??

Genuinely baffled at the strength of feeling here.

OP, I would imagine he was so unfazed about how your lives would change with a baby because he was expecting you to do all the adapting & take all the responsibility while he carried on as usual.

He’s unbelievably out of order. It would be interesting to know why he broke up with his ex…

It’s up to you to decide how much crap you’re willing to put up with from him.

I think you should, at a minimum, tell him not to come home until he’s sober and no longer hungover. You don’t need to deal with that on top of a newborn.

Getting slaughtered isn't great. And isn't great that the big man has this big celebration for all the hard work he put into the creation of the baby!

Make sure you have a day out with your friends to celebrate!! while he watches the baby.

Going out and getting absolutely s**tfaced is daft behaviour anyway. He didn't just go out and have a celebratory beer with his friends, he appears to have gone out and gotten utterly smashed - which is juvenile and dangerous behaviour.

I suppose the question to ask here is whether he would have happily looked after the baby and be totally chill with baby's mum heading out for the day to get utterly wasted with her friends after having first given the impression she was only popping out for a celebratory drink...not a celebratory bender. Most normal people would think that rather reckless behaviour from a mum, so why are you excusing it for a dad?

I completely agree with you re late afternoon to home by 8:00pm!

It’s when it starts at 2:00pm and goes on and on until very late/ gone mid-night. It’s just too, too much alcohol.

lol at it being “Hyacinth” to not want puke on your doorstep 😂

If it had been the mother’s puke the HV would probably have reported it.

Most opinions here seem to be centred around disapproval than actual risk.

I do however think MN is puritanical about alcohol in a way that simply isn’t representative of real life. I wouldn’t have appreciated my husband going on a bender at that stage but a few beers with his mates would have been ok.

What actual harm occurred as a result of this outing?

Pretty sure nobody has unironically used the euphemism 'wetting the baby's head' as an excuse for leaving your wife and new baby at home so you can go out and get intoxicated with your mates since the 1970s. Is your husband in his mid seventies? That's the only explanation I can muster for him thinking this is something most new dads do as a matter of course!

I know what you mean, but on other hand the UK has a massive problem with alcohol abuse. There is a lot of denial.

I’d say it’s fine so long as he never does it again.

as if

So have your spa day, when you are ready. Tbh until coming on here, I'd never experienced the idea that one parent can't cope alone and the other goes out.
As said this was traditionally done when Mum was still laying in and well looked after. It was also a celebration of both surviving the birth. It's a bit if an excuse, but as long as he then throws himself to life being around having a newborn, I don't see it as a big deal. No-one I know in RL would.

Yeah. I’d agree with that.

I’m female, but I also understand that yeah I am a parent as is dh but we are allowed a day/ night out with our friends.i probably go out more than dh does.

there is no reason for someone not to cope with a baby when their oh is out on a day/night out. (As long as it’s not every weekend) What does she do when he’s at work?

this is such a man hating site!

Yes, let it go and bank a day out for yourself.

Or take the disproportionately outraged opinions of strangers who don't know either of you to heart and have an almighty row over something that is fairly commonplace and ultimately harmless.

Up to you. Personally, I'd bank the day off. 😊

If he’s a decent bloke apart from this I’d let it go. But if this is one of many symptoms of cockwombleness, then good luck with things.

Oh dear OP. You've procreated with a loser.

Men as a species are highly problematic. Full stop. That’s not coming from bitterness or experience – I’ve never been cheated on or abused and I have a wonderful DH ( p.s one that thankfully would never have dreamed of going on a 12 hours piss up with a 2 week old at home). That’s coming from having eyes in my head.

Did you go on a 12hr piss up and get wankered and leave your 2 week old and upset partner at home? Thought not. Did you tell them you were going for a couple of hours and then proceed to get ‘slaughtered’ and expect them to suck it up? Thought not.

It’s beyond odd that you’d equate a contracted day’s work at employment and bringing in income for your family to going on a 12 hour piss up.

What has ‘coping’ got to do with anything? I’m sure OP could ‘cope’ with a whole heap of other shitty behaviours too. Should she? Absolutely not.

He wouldn’t be sleeping under my roof. I don’t allow ‘slaughtered’ people around my baby.

You could argue that if a grown woman can’t bare to look after her own child on her own for one day without help from her partner he’s procreated with a bit of a loser too. She hasn’t ‘procreated with a loser’ at all, she’s had a baby with a man whose just gone out for the day.

Which part shows OP not being able ‘to bear’ looking after her baby? Are you equating ‘annoyed’ to not being able ‘to bear’ something?

Dramatic much?