Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

[OverTheRainbow22]

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

Back in the day when it was mainly men who went regularly to pubs, wetting a baby's head would have been a lunchtime pint with a few mates - not an all day bender!

But he hasn't just "gone out for the day" - he's gone out and got absolutely wasted. Then presumably come home, totally smashed, to a house that has a new baby in it. That's reckless behaviour! It's what students do, or single people going out with their mates for a jolly when they are young and daft. It's not what responsible adults do - particularly given the fact that he could well have to deal with the baby if his partner needs some sleep etc. No one who is drunk should be anywhere near a baby!

It is an outdated thing nowadays but it’s basically just a reason to go out and get drunk with his mates isn’t it?

I assume the baby is a few weeks old at least from your post, so what’s wrong with him going out with his friends and getting drunk for the day? You are allowed to go out with your family/friends too OP.

Obviously if he’s getting drunk every weekend and not stepping up then you’ve got an issue. But once in a while? Doesn’t everyone do that?

So basically an excuse for a piss up while you’re at home with the baby. How unattractive.

Its really important for new fathers to do this after the stress of the birth, poor wee thing

And what new mum of a two week old, likely sore, bleeding and sleep deprived, and feeding round the clock wants to deal with a steaming adult in the house.

Bank a trip out for yourself, say you will be wetting the baby’s head and that it’s a tradition amongst your friends to go for long spa days.

He has a full day out with his mates. Comes home whenever. Then u get exactly the same, anytime u want. I don’t see the prob.

You are making a hell of a lot of assumptions there for someone who doesn’t know me!

Men can be problematic, however that’s why women should rush relationships and should get to know a new partner before procreating. Thankfully dh and I have an amazing relationship.

dh did have a night out when ds was born, he was 3 weeks old and I ushered him out the door and welcomed a drunken dh back in at 2 am, no problem there,

as for me my first day/night out was about 4 weeks after ds was born and dih ushered me out the door mid afternoon and welcomed me back in after midnight.

and bizarrelly our relationship didn’t flounder and we both accept each other having nights out with friends. Just because I’m a parent doesn’t mean I can’t have a social drink or meet up with friends.

in the past I have said I’m going out for a few hours and get home 5 hours later, that’s life sometimes you do get distracted.

relationships are all about give and taken, compromise,

‘…he’s been there and done it before’

My DH had 2 teenage children when I met him and I knew he was a good dad because he was bringing them up as a working single parent after their mum died so did absolutely everything that involves. There were no grandparents or siblings to help him out either. He was on his own and doing a great job. I didn’t move in until the youngest had gone to college as he always put them first.

I’m taking a wild punt here and wondering if your DP is capable of looking after either of his two children on his own for at least one full day without any extra input from the womenfolk?

You can do whatever you like in your marriage. What’s that got to do with another women who thinks it’s piss poor behaviour? OP isn’t ‘gently ushering’ him in and out - if she was she wouldn’t be posting here upset about it. He’s not gently ushering her anywhere either. Why are you minimising that a woman two weeks post partum doesn’t really want her partner out on a huge bender?

So no. You didn’t go out on a 12hr piss up with a two week old and an upset partner at home. Thought so.

Same here. And I made sure I went out for drinks with my friends also after abstaining from alcohol during pregnancy.

It would be an issue if a regular occurrence but as a one off.....

See I’m with you! It IS a tradition and whilst I accept that new mums are not in usually hospital anymore after baby is born, I think it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to do, especially as his friendship group have always done it. He is part of a very special club now. He’s a Dad. He is celebrating in a Dad way.
As long as he steps up everywhere else, I think it’s fine.

This thread so depressingly shows how a bar for man is on the floor and a bar for a woman is high sky.

A woman two weeks out out from giving birth to her first baby is in the wrong for expressing what she needs at this point in time to feel supported. She ‘should be able to cope’, ‘why can’t she bear to look after her child for a day’. It’s pretty vile.

I dont understand the issue?

A man isnt allowed to go out for the day and get pissed and come home drunk?

Why?

He was already a dad. He’s been in ‘the club’ for quite some time.

It’s great how ‘celebrating in a dad way’ means getting pissed for 12hrs and ignoring what your newly post partum partner says she needs to feel supported. Way to go celebrate.

If only he’d actually celebrate the two people who are supposed to matter most to him right now. Clearly not.

His partner doesn’t feel supported in him choosing to at this point in her experience as a new mum. That’s the issue.

So he's not allowed 1 day out? He's gotta be by her side 24/7?

What does he do that’s ‘amazing?’

Unfortunately some people think that when you become a new parent then you aren't allowed out the house. Your focus for the next 18years is solely on your child.

No days out , no nights out because you are a mum and a dad now
You are a parent, stay home!

🤣

What a loser.
God help you.
A likely precursor of things to come.
Keep any support you have like friends and family close.

Well that would be difficult as most Dads are working by this stage. Thinking back there wasn't any paternity leave. Dad would often be at work day after the birth. ,or not be there at all if like my ex ( not this fault , he was deployed in the ME) and not even meet child until 4 months old.

So mother's have always been able to cope. Not sure why people seems to be unable to do so these days ( not everyone obviously)

This is minimising it for what I can only assume is the intent to make the OP appear somehow draconian and controlling. How about she’s two weeks PP and simply telling her partner what she needs at this point in time? Eg, hold off on 12hr piss ups just for now.

It’s almost as if workplaces, governments and society has decided new mothers need more support than ‘being able to cope’. Funny that.

I'd be unimpressed at being misled but honestly if it's a one-off and you're happy otherwise just get over it.