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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don't want to do any favours for school mom

271 replies

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 12:54

Our mutual kids are in year 6, going off to secondary school in September. They are still pretty friendly as.part of a larger group but definitely not as friendly as they once was. Unfortunately I'm social media friends with some parents and seen that this one child recently had a day out for its birthday with several friends.from school. I was abit annoyed as there were quite afew of them so it was noticeable my child wasnt there. Last year the same kid had 3 friends do a particular activity for his birthday so I couldn't get annoyed about that as it was a smaller group but this year I did think wow how come my kid was left out. I admit it hurt. I used to spend time with this mother back in the day but I've changed jobs and gone full time so I'm not as available as I used to be. I guess there's alot of changes new school mom's.coming on the scene and I somewhat feel out of the loop a little bit. Anyways cut a long story short her kid is dipping its toes in the water of the sport my kid has been doing for afew years. This mom now expects us to ferry her kid to the sessions. I feel like telling her to piss off. And her kid is showing promise so is likely to compete with my child for game time. I am really aware this all sounds so petty. But I feel so sad for my should when they found out nearly everyone in his peer group was invited to the party and not them. Felt like a kick in the teeth and when I suggested it cost alot of money for the party event my kid said they wouldn't have minded paying for it themselves. I had no answer to that. Just feel so low and upset for my child. And not in the mood for giving favours. I know mumsnet vipers will tell me to grow up but hate seeing my kid hurting

OP posts:
Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 12:54

I did put paragraphs on this. Sorry!

OP posts:
JMSA · 17/05/2025 12:56

It’s fine to say no, but you do need to get over the reason why!
Positivity all the way with your son, as secondary school in September will give him many more friendship opportunities 🙂

Treeleaf11 · 17/05/2025 12:57

Why would she assume you would take her dc to the sports sessions? What did she say to you?

WhamBamThankU · 17/05/2025 12:57

Just say no. You might need to do something before or after the training that you can’t take other kid to.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 17/05/2025 12:57

A simple 'no, that doesn't work for me' will suffice.

JMSA · 17/05/2025 12:58

So weird that I somehow got the feeling that your child was a boy! Anyway, I’m probably wrong 😄

PonyPatter44 · 17/05/2025 13:01

Just let her know that you won't be able to take her kid to football, sorry. Then move on. As someone else pointed out, once the kids start secondary in September, they'll make new friends and the old issues will drift away.

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 13:01

She doesn't drive. I do. Her husband is a useless sod so probably can't be arsed

OP posts:
CatsWhiskerz · 17/05/2025 13:02

I'd do as pp have said, you often go somewhere on the way there /home so wouldn't work

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 13:03

Totally right about new friends in secondary school. He already knows some older kids from out local area etc. I know i sound petty but the party invite thing just so upset me

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 17/05/2025 13:05

Just say No! Simple.

Starlightstarbright4 · 17/05/2025 13:06

It’s easy . If she asks .. we are just going to make our own way there on our own .

no apologies / no excuses .

sometimes friendships move on . The hard part here is your Dc hasn’t figured it but they will.

CountryQueen · 17/05/2025 13:08

“No I won’t be able to take Max to football” if she asks and unfollow on social media. Easy

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/05/2025 13:09

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 13:01

She doesn't drive. I do. Her husband is a useless sod so probably can't be arsed

Not your problem

Telher you aren't doing it. You don't want to do it and don't make excuses, just say no.

It really doesn't matter how she feels about it. She's not important to your life. 🤷‍♀️

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 13:09

If my child had of seen that photo they would have been so upset. Tha fully they aren't interested in having a phone etc so only know what they've heard at school. Not that fact nearly everyone was there bar them!

OP posts:
MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 17/05/2025 13:13

A bit petty yes, but I'd probably feel the same. But you don't need to justify not taking their kid to sports, just say no!

GauntJudy · 17/05/2025 13:15

Giving lifts is something you do for friends, so no I wouldn't bother as you (and the kids) don't appear to be friends.

It's hard being left out, but something we all experience at some time, especially now social media broadcasts all the fun stuff people do without you. It's tough to be a kid these days x

thepariscrimefiles · 17/05/2025 13:16

Jammiesdodger · 17/05/2025 13:01

She doesn't drive. I do. Her husband is a useless sod so probably can't be arsed

Just say that it won't be possible as you have other commitments before and after the sessions.

This is sheer cheeky fuckery on her part. How on earth does she feel comfortable not inviting your child to her child's birthday but still expects you to agree to a long-standing commitment of ferrying her child to and from this hobby.

Sunnywithacoolbreeze · 17/05/2025 13:21

I’d feel the way you do.

As PP have said, activities before and or after.
My child’s going in someone else’s car.
We’re cycling there.

I’ve used any of the above in your situation.

Lindy2 · 17/05/2025 13:24

You have other commitments before and after the sport so unfortunately can't give lifts.

It might be OK to lift share but if they're not going to do half of the driving then it's a no.

I'm sorry your child was upset about the party. My child has SEN and we went through party disappointments over and over again. It's very hard to see them sad. This mum and child don't deserve any favours.

Diarygirlqueen · 17/05/2025 13:26

I don't think you're bring petty at all, it's happened to my child and as a mother it does hurt.
I have learnt the power of no and full stop. I don't have to give any reasons as to why I won't cart your child around.
To nearly only exclude your child and then expect you to do lifts is unbelievable, be as cheeky as her!!

Cookiecrumblepie · 17/05/2025 13:26

Please just say no. No weird excuses just say no.

Bluevelvetsofa · 17/05/2025 13:28

Of course it hurts when your child is left out of a large group gathering. No one wants to feel their child isn’t wanted. Thats not really anything to do with the sport though and you just have to say that you have regular commitments after the sessions, if she asks for a lift.

If her child shows more ability than yours, they may get priority in team places etc. It’s hard to bear, but the most proficient are always going to be chosen.

poetryandwine · 17/05/2025 13:29

The party thing sucks, OP.

But I wouldn’t lie. Just a breezy, ‘I’m sorry but that doesn’t work for us’.

If she persists I might make a very gentle allusion to the party: ‘When I say I can’t do something I expect to be taken at my word but perhaps you’ll have better luck with someone Cuthbert is closer to’ But I probably wouldn’t

ZenNudist · 17/05/2025 13:32

Just say no sorry I can't. If pushed say you have too much on your plate and not looking to add an extra person to your ride to the activity.

Just keep saying no.