Don't want to do any favours for school mom

[Jammiesdodger]

Our mutual kids are in year 6, going off to secondary school in September. They are still pretty friendly as.part of a larger group but definitely not as friendly as they once was. Unfortunately I'm social media friends with some parents and seen that this one child recently had a day out for its birthday with several friends.from school. I was abit annoyed as there were quite afew of them so it was noticeable my child wasnt there. Last year the same kid had 3 friends do a particular activity for his birthday so I couldn't get annoyed about that as it was a smaller group but this year I did think wow how come my kid was left out. I admit it hurt. I used to spend time with this mother back in the day but I've changed jobs and gone full time so I'm not as available as I used to be. I guess there's alot of changes new school mom's.coming on the scene and I somewhat feel out of the loop a little bit. Anyways cut a long story short her kid is dipping its toes in the water of the sport my kid has been doing for afew years. This mom now expects us to ferry her kid to the sessions. I feel like telling her to piss off. And her kid is showing promise so is likely to compete with my child for game time. I am really aware this all sounds so petty. But I feel so sad for my should when they found out nearly everyone in his peer group was invited to the party and not them. Felt like a kick in the teeth and when I suggested it cost alot of money for the party event my kid said they wouldn't have minded paying for it themselves. I had no answer to that. Just feel so low and upset for my child. And not in the mood for giving favours. I know mumsnet vipers will tell me to grow up but hate seeing my kid hurting

I would say this, nothing else, just this 👆

You could be honest and say "To be honest it’s a bit tricky because DC was very upset not to have been invited to Friend's party."
But why would she sign her child up for an activity she knew she couldn’t get him to?

@Joyunlimited she's probably a cf and presumed op would take him?

Honestly, I think everyone should be free to hang out with whoever they like — adults do it all the time, so why shouldn’t kids? Parents really ought to let their children be, and maybe give social media a bit of a break too. It’s honestly such a waste of time. Take your child to the park, teach them how to ride a skateboard, or go on a little weekend trip or a nice hike. It’s those real moments that truly matter.

Could be!

Not your problem she doesn't drive. Say no and forget her.

Did you read OP's update about never having invited the other boy to a party, or any other kids either for that matter (last party OP's son had was when he was 4)?

Absolutley would be irritated and not give lifts, the children are not close friends and it is going to become a chore
Would add that never doing a birthday activity for school mates may well influence invites to others when planning events

So how was she planning on him getting to the activity?

(Answers on a postcard please, the judges decision is final.)

Lots of issues here.

1. Figure out ways to support your son in moving on. Invite sport friends round? Join a new club?
2. Unfollow those people. Really isn’t helping you
3. Don’t agree to drive at all otherwise you’ll have a hell if a time extracting yourself later.

You work full-time so this is precious time with your son that you want to protect. Just say it doesn’t work.

Just don't take her child. It's not your problem. You don't have to explain why. Let your friendship with this woman naturally drift.

OP - how can you complain about your son not being invited when you never put a party on for him?!

You could easily have done a party before Christmas or in the new year but you chose not to.

You don’t have to give someone a lift, just come up with an excuse and move on.

@Jammiesdodger two separate issues. One you’re hurt your child was not invited but I would try and get over this, you work full time so your relationship with school mams will change and school friendships are flakey, friends one minute falling out the next plus there isn’t long left until the kids finish primary school so don’t give it energy, I would encourage your child to have fun during the last few weeks of school.

You don’t have to give a reason as to why you don’t want to take her kid to classes. Just say no. No is an answer. Also the kids might not be friends when they go to secondary school? Are they even going to the same school? They might not be in the same class. Plus the kids will make new friends and told friendships usually the a seat.

YANBU for wanting to do a 50/50 carshare, rather than a 100/0 one.

YABU for getting upset over Instagram photos of a birthday that your son wasn’t invited to, when you haven’t thrown a party for the entirety of your son’s primary school career.

Quick text to say you're unable to help, hope all goes well & wish her dc a happy birthday as you saw the birthday outing pictures.
That'll tell her all she needs to know.

Christmas birthday kids round here do a half year celebration in June

lifts to the hobby are a separate issue. Just say no

ooh @ZepherinDrouhin response is masterful. Polite and effective

I agree with you totally OP dont start any favours for cf! If you start with lifts it never stops and its a burden you dont need.Be firm say NO from the get go.

Friendships are fickle in Y6.
Could it be that your son was mean to the child? but you don't know why. Or your child was mean but didn't know he had hurt the other kids feelings ?

My child just came back from a birthday party. 25 boys invited. 3 weren't.
I asked why? He said he knew two of the boys were mean to the birthday boy, and the last boy always argued with him.

Anyway, you don't need to drive anyone anywhere. Just say, " It doesn't work for us ."

How did it even come about she wanted lifts for her child? Not petty at all OP just say unfortunately you can’t commit to that.

Has she actually asked you or has it got back to you on the grapevine?

So what? If he had had parties recently and not invited the other boy, that would be different, but he hasn’t. Do you only invite children to parties out of duty because they’ve invited yours?

But OP says they are not even as friendly as they once were and perhaps this boy wants to spend his birthday with other friends. Why would he invite him?

You don’t need to give a reason- just say it doesn’t work for you. Regardless of anything else which has gone on taking someone’s kid every week to a sports club is a big commitment which I wouldn’t do- what if your DC is ill one week or you have something else on. The odd lift here and there is fine but the mum needs to find a way to get her kid there herself