Our new Neighbours and my loud children

[Marley11]

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

You knew your children were loud and had meltdowns, you knew you wanted to start a childminding business, and yet you went ahead and bought a house with shared walls. What a totally dick move.

I suppose the "large garden" is so that your wards can run around and shriek and make even more noise?

Does the six-year-old scream and shout at school or nursery? If not then he CAN be quiet.

I'm sure my neighbours think they are nice people but actually having listened to their f . . . . . g dog barking again since 5 pm I'm sick of it. You sound entitled and totally oblivious to the stress your noise is causing.

When we moved into our house we had two small children who would play in the garden but they never screamed or shouted and if they were loud I would shush them and tell them to consider the neighbours. Fast forward 10 years and a new family moved in next door with two kids who would apparently try to murder each other every day in the garden, the screams were blood curdling and protracted. I grinned and bared it, knowing that eventually they would get to an age when all they wanted to do was stare at their phones doomscrolling in their spare time. Sadly at that point their parents decided to buy them the loudest barkiest dog they could find. Now I have to console myself with the fact that dogs don’t live forever….

We used to take our son to a childminder who had fallen out with the neighbours (over parking issues, not noise) and it definitely will impact upon the business and the clients.

You need to put a stop to the screaming and shrieking of your own children in the garden. Warning and then inside to calm down if it continues until they get the message. If you are going to child mind then you do need to keep on top of the noise.

In terms of the childminding, whilst there might not be a lot the neighbour can do, if you need planning she could object. If things are noisy then expect complaints to council/ ofsted. There is more to childminding than just shoving kids out into the garden. She could make pick ups and drop offs hard work. If there isn't great parking or parents are parking selfishly (blocking drives/ up on footpaths/ double parking)) then she could photograph and make complaints.

Also as a parent, I'm not sure I would want my child minded in a "project house" - are you planning building work/ internal reshuffle/ redecorating/ new kitchen ect. If so I wouldn't be happy about lots of workmen/ people coming and going in a childminding setting. They are not always the best at not leaving tools lying around.

Also think of your Asd child, will they be ok with other children in their home? For some children home is their safe space to unwind and regulate from the day. Will they be able to do this with other minded children in their home? Especially as many child minded children are with the child minder from 7.30-8am until 5 or even 6pm depending on hours offered.

I'm sure it makes her very sad to have the quiet enjoyment of her home ruined.

Kids don't have "naturally loud voices." You are tolerating and normalizing that. As others have posted, they can be trained to modulate and to speak quietly and softly.

Where this freaking notion arose in the last 20 years that kids can't play without screaming and screeching is beyond me. Every generation before that was told "if you are screaming there had better be a very good reason!" and disciplined.

🤣🤣 you've just added arms and legs on to this

@RealEagle haha no many people have said this also just not this thread .

You should speak to her.
It’s best to try and keep the peace with your neighbours.

Apologise for the noise and do your very best to manage it.

maybe the suggestions others have made of soundproofing is worth looking into…. especially if you plan on childminding to. It’s better to be civil then have a frosty relationship with your neighbour :)

Because some people are competent at managing children without allowing them to make everyone else's lives miserable.

She could make pick ups and drop offs hard work

She’s going to compile a playlist to play with her windows wide open, as parents are walking up and down the drive…

Fuck You by Lily Allen
Fuck You by CeeLo Green
Fuck Time by Green Day
“Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” 🤘🏼RATM

Jesus Christ, some perfect parents on here I see. 🙄Easier said than done to tell a kid with add and asd to simply be quiet. Also not exactly sure how you expect OP to stop a 2 year old from having a tantrum?

If she pulls any more stunts of blasting the radio in the middle of the night then bang on the wall. She can go and move into a detached house in the middle of nowhere if she doesn’t want to hear any children. You're well within your right to have a childminding business in your home if you have all the correct regulations and qualifications.

Kids playing outside is normal, but screaming children is not.

You seem to be implying that your kids being 'naturally loud' is just something your neighbour needs to put up with when you need to teach them to be quieter.

I also don't think that someone who can't control her own kids should set themselves up as a childminder...

I’ve never known a childminder who didn’t live in a house without “shared walls”! Counting the two I went to as a child and the three we looked round for my own child. All terraced or semi-detached.

@Annascaul @Sockersandbox Anna
how have you just made a narrative my children are rowdier than most 😂 i said loud . Loud deep voices. Screaming all day is insane too. It is not all day . They are at school and nursery . It is excitable laughing screaming playing in the garden after school maybe an hour or so .

I feel for you OP! I have kids and they are loud, we bought a house specifically for the garden but our neighbours are near silent. It literally stresses me out constantly as I know they think we are a pain but equally I cant tell my children to come inside all the time. trying to find the balance is HARD!

you have said that they are in bed by 7ish, do you have a time that they are allowed out? If not try to say not before 9am etc so that you can reduce noise.

Can you tuck children’s play equipment to the side/ furthest point away? Have you a fence or a hedge? We’ve invested major money in a hedge to try and decrease the sound!

Our neighbourly relations are not as good as we would like, it feels uncomfortable. However, when doing work to the house or having a BBQ we do tend to warn them. I don’t want to piss them off. So perhaps the same principle should be used.

Perhaps go to her and say look, I’m sorry my children are a bit loud - is there anything I can do to reduce the noise I.e hedging. I am also thinking of setting up a child minding business- I appreciate that this may be disappointing but I’d really like to know what I can do to make things better?

What times are they allowed out? That is crucial.

I think it sounds like you've bought a family style home. Not a bungalow in a retirement area. So she needs to get over the sound of kids playing or move somewhere else.

Far too few kids play in the garden and as long as you're trying to keep the noise down and discouraging any actual screaming I think it's fine.

What a miserable old toad.

I now inadvertently live next to a childminder (actually a nursery with six children in a domestic setting).
I try to keep calm and have asked them not to do the "Wheels on the Bus" on repeat ALL THE TIME.
Mostly they are okay. Sometimes (like this morning), they scream and cry and it is set for a noisy day. We live in a 30s terrace, not a lot of escape.
I do not have (nor will ever have) children. I find it stressful but try my best to live and let live. I have next door's number and have (only once in 18 months) said it was too much.

@Beeloux yes thank you . Thought I was a good parent until today . 😂. Yes tantrums are very unreasonable he is two.
yes I have the qualifications to set up thanks and experience .

@Pebbles16 i can appreciate that would stressful. Stressful enough to me hearing wheels in the bus too many times a day.

i have a summer house at the bottom of the garden I intend to do all singing story telling music in there as it won’t be on her wall. I won’t as much as I can be in the living room. But I want them to be free happy loud ( not screaming ) in the garden as children should be but I think this could be a problem.

I also would only have 2 or 3 children ( my oldest at school won’t be there )

What was the relevance of the size of the garden and the summer house pls? I’m confused. It was childish of her to do that. A conversation would’ve been better. Hope you find a way to be amicable. It’s not nice having neighbours who you don’t get on with. Good luck!!

You make it clear that (1) you don’t see a probkdm, despite it being a problem for your neighbour (2) you have every intention of adding to this by running a childminding business; and (3) you simply want views on thd best way of handling it with neighbour. I feel a bit sorry for your neighbour, tbh. I have kids and really dislike screaming kids. I don’t think being ND is an excuse for screaming noise all day. Surely you need planning permission for business/daycare use?

@Sugargliderwombat i let them have a water fight yesterday, at 4 pm which made them loud and excited . Iv never really seen any children play with water guns etc without getting a bit loud. But yes it is a family home . 3 bedrooms . And large garden. It was for a family before us with two young boys also

I think your neighbour is bat crazy and antisocial. Tell her if she wants to play games with disturbing you she's going to lose. You are trying your best to keep the noise down but you will stop and let hell brake loose if she doesn't stop being such a cow.

Christ! I hope you and your "lovely" neighbours are looking out for those kids or trying to be supportive in some way rather than all quietly judging them for their volume.