Our new Neighbours and my loud children

[Marley11]

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

I would install soundproofing while you renovate. We have this and have never heard a peep from our neighbours who have a newborn

Also make my kids come in if they won’t stop shouting or being loud. No one else needs to hear them squawking. They soon learn.

Stopping your kids from screaming in the garden is not "clipping their wings". Do you also never say no and allow them to draw on walls?

Same here! I had three pre school children at one stage and they played outside most days, even in the rain sometimes. We were good friends with the boys next door so often there were 6 children playing together in one garden - we even took down a fence panel and replaced it with a gate to make access easier.

But this did not mean that any of them were allowed to shout or scream excessively, yes, they chattered away and sometimes raised their voices but either me or the neighbouring mum would remind them to calm down and stop the loud noise. All the children knew that if they carried on, one or all of them would be taken indoors for some quiet time. When they were young, there tended to be an adult hovering nearby, either in the garden or at least watching from the kitchen, to supervise the play and keep things amicable. They were not allowed to scream, unless injured I guess, even my neighbours youngest who had Downs Syndrome and did get over excited.

Living on an estate of young families, I was always conscious of how sounds travel across the gardens and tried to teach my children to respect others while still enjoying playing outside. The only times it got rather wild was when the dads joined in with a water fight between the two gardens using powerful hosepipes!

I know I would have been annoyed if one of my neighbours allowed her children to scream and shout in the garden for long periods of time, it’s really not acceptable in a built up area and you need to try to come up with ways to moderate the noise - being outside with them to supervise, taking them inside to quieten down, using distraction techniques to defuse rough play or screaming, overtime treats to reward them for playing nicely ( picnic food in the garden) or taking them to a local playground.

I don’t agree however with your neighbour waking you all up like she did but can understand her frustration. Now you know how sounds carry between your houses and how annoying she finds your children at times.

If she's blasting music through the walls at 430am do you really think she is going to make it easy for you to be a childminder at home?

I bet she will make a point of making it very unpleasant at drop off and pick-up and you will quickly lose any clients you get as a result.

Your best bet is to rein your kids in a bit and try to repair your relationship.

@Caerulea thank you for this. Yes, they are very normal. Just have quite loud voices. But they are a normal 2 and 6 year olds. Maybe I didn’t explain that enough.

I think people didn’t like me saying she had no children , hense the response but it was to explain she isn’t used to children in her home.

yes I think it was a very immature move too.

we are currently tip toeing and not in our garden this afternoon. But yes it is our garden so I don’t want to feel this way.

yes I think you are right. I do know how it’s going to go with the business . So I should probably re think things.

thank you for response

This is why I took MN advice and went to live in a field.

My advice is to try and get on with her. If you register as a CM she could make life very difficult for you. Think malicious complaints to Ofsted, Council complaints (once they get involved it can cost hundreds/thousands in planning permission costs and they can limit the number of children you can care for making it a financially unviable business)
Good luck!

The screaming is absolutely an issue. I am all
for kids being kids and making normal kid noise in the garden. It's part of what gardens are for.

However screaming and shrieking crosses a line for me and we were very strict on it from the time my kids were about 18 months. Screaming or shrieking in the garden = one warning, then brought inside.

It isn't easy to teach moderation but tbh important if you're living close to others as we are. My younger kid has a natural volume of 11 and being a younger sibling is also naturally more desperate to be heard. But it's doable.

TBH the shrieking/screaming thing in the garden/anywhere was the easiest - the kids learned pretty quickly and have never been among the kids making the playground unbearable with all the performative shrieks and screams. If I fail at all else as a parent at last I've done this.

The neighbour's radio antics are stupid and keep a record of them as even though your noise is undoubtedly annoying to her it's all happening at usual times, hers is malicious and at unsociable hours and so from a council POV more likely to be taken seriously if repeated.

@EggnogNoggin this is probably true I can imagine her doing that, which makes me really sad as iv worked so hard to set it all up.

thank you for your response

Ignore her, she sounds really unpleasant. Carry on and enjoy your new house and business.

Will someone be watching your asd child whilst you are childminding? Because if your planning to child mind whilst watching that child you will not be able to fully devote to the other children especially if your child has meltdowns.

You're really underestimating how difficult a neighbour can make life for you (and diminishing her experience of your loud DC)

Prepare for war.

I feel sorry for your neighbour.

She's unfortunate to find herself living next door to noisy children, that's just bad luck, but a childminder will be too much for her, I'm sure. Can she object? The polite thing to do is tell her, I think.

I don’t want to clip my children’s wings due to her, or stop my dreams of setting up a business
But of course I want to respect her and her home also.

I'm not sure you can do both op. It is pretty obvious that she is not going to be on board with you setting up as a childminder, so your choice is to deliberately annoy your neighbour, and live with any reaction, or don't set up as a childminder. You can't do both.

When my kids ever started screaming and shouting in the garden I’d scoop them up and bring them inside. Yours will soon learn that excess noise is unacceptable, if you show them there are consequences,

I'm really surprised by the responses on the first page 😄, I was expecting everyone to be firmly in the 'yanbu' camp and offer sympathy

Children make noise! And ASD children make lots of noise 😄

The week my autistic DD discovered the ability to scream was one of the hardest of my life! Thankfully she only screams on occasion now

Seriously though, ignore her, she sounds mad. Especially blasting the radio at 4.30am.

I think you've been unlucky to get her as a neighbour tbh. Just ensure that you're good with the other neighbours, theyve probably had their own run ins with her. And run your childminding business! Children are an occupational hazard of this thing called ✨living✨

Yanbu at all x

Edit - if they're making excessive noise in unsociable hours, I'd bring them in (which you already do), but after like 8am, kid noise is normal. Maybe explain your son's asd to the other neighbours as well.

Working on the assumption that "screaming" is her word, not yours, 100% YANBU.

They are young. They are allowed to enjoy their own garden. If you can't play noisily outside, in your own garden, during the day then when can you? She sounds like an unreasonable and ridiculous witch

Teaching your children not to screech and squawk all day long (especially outdoors) is not clipping their wings, op, get a grip 🙄

This is nuts. How on earth do you think there are any childminders in cities?

Also, your kids are just being kids. Her actions were malicious. She would permanently be saying goodbye to any chance of a weekend lie in if she did that to me.

@JassyRadlett thank you . That is a good idea with the warning and then coming in.

to be honest my 6 year old who has asd doesn’t even know he’s doing it since he was young we have spoken about quiet voices in certain places . He gets very excited . But he does try but I will try the warning.

my experience with asd and adhd children is they spend all day at school confirming they feel more comfortable at home to let it all out and be a little crazy in the garden .

my two year old is just playing , but He wouldn’t understand the warning yet of being too loud or come indoors. Il work on it.

yes thank you I will keep a record.

If you feel the need to say what loud voices they have then you know they aren't making normal levels of noise. Some kids are loud, I know because my youngest is, but I tell him to be quieter, I bring him inside, I don't expect others to just suck it up.

Obviously your neighbour shouldn't have blasted music at you but you are very "I'm right you're wrong" on here so I can imagine that if she had spoken to you it wouldn't have made any difference. She's obviously very frustrated with you and it's in your interests to make relations better.

I think you probably have a high tolerance for noise, and don't realise just how noisy your family is. We have a family like that over the back and they are a bloody nightmare in the summer. I keep hoping they will move away.

I’m going against the grain here,OP let your kids enjoy the garden some people are just born moaners