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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our new Neighbours and my loud children

484 replies

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 17:53

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 15/05/2025 18:21

WomenInSTEM · 15/05/2025 18:02

Nice of you to shoehorn in the fact that she doesn't have children.

FFS.

And to go from there to "She isn't keen on children" Burn the witch!

I have a friend who adores her own children, but really dislikes pretty much any other child she comes across. So go figure. Your DC sound annoying.

Whaleandsnail6 · 15/05/2025 18:23

Honestly? If you were in her shoes, and lived with a neighbour who admittedly already had loud kids themselves, with paper thin walls, would you really want her setting up a business as a childminder?

I don't know how it works, but does she have the chance to object to this with the council?

It just sounds like the whole situation could become very unpleasant and sour neighbour relations even more

Think hard about your decision... living next to neighbours who you dont get on with can make life very miserable and neighbour disputes can be hideous and costly

Seeline · 15/05/2025 18:24

It is possible that childminders may require planning permission - it will depend on the number of children, staff etc. She can report to the Council who will come and investigate. If PP is required, she can certainly object to the application.
You might want to check with your local council for their rules on childminding.

And stop your children screaming in the garden. Yes kids having fun aren't going to be silent. But there is a difference between laughing and chatting, and screaming. They should be taken indoors as soon as that starts until they learn it's not acceptable.

Wolfpa · 15/05/2025 18:24

You have described your children as characters which is normally a euphemism for unusual/ nightmares.

you don’t sound like the best neighbours but I don’t think there is anything they can do about the business.

if you want to ruin your relationship don’t tell her but if you want to keep the relationship you should talk to her and explain the plan and what you will be doing to minimise the noise.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:26

Ok to the people who think it was a dig about her not having children. That was 100% not a dig. I was trying to give some background, as she hasn’t had small children in her house , the noise is a shock to her and she told me when I met her she doesn’t like children but likes dogs.

no dig people choosing to not have children is no business of mine. So first to clear that up.

some people on here seem more annoyed by my children than me and I live with them 😂

I do teach my children to be quiet. They do not scream in an angry way or malicious. It is purely when they get over excited and I should explain to many on here not mentioning my part that my child has additional needs , explaining to him about being calm is a lot harder than it sounds but we work on it every day.

I do not find my children too loud. But I am used to being around children in jobs and now my own 2.

I will continue to teach the 6 year old to not shout around the home but a 2 year old is much harder .

thank you to the person who said the 4.30 am raidio blaring is pathetic as yes your the only one who mentioned this part.

I am not doing anything to intently upset her. Other than live quite a normal life of 2 young children.

My real question was with her tolerance of any noise from children , should I run my business by her.

I don’t want to clip my children’s wings due to her, or stop my dreams of setting up a business

But of course I want to respect her and her home also.

thank you for taking the time to answer . Very mixed bag of replies .

OP posts:
faerietales · 15/05/2025 18:26

Nobody should be allowing their kids to scream in the garden.

Do you have permission to run a childminding business from home?

Moveoverdarlin · 15/05/2025 18:26

So…the house is a big project, you have two loud kids and you’re setting up a childminding business. I don’t think you’re gonna be bezzy mates that’s for sure.

Soitis83 · 15/05/2025 18:26

I'm with you. Nothing she can do. Good luck ! ❤️

ThejoyofNC · 15/05/2025 18:26

Say what you're saying is that you make no attempt to keep your own children quiet and you're delighted that you'll soon be able to make even more noise?

babasaclover · 15/05/2025 18:26

You are completely unreasonable to set up as a childminder if you are semi detached. She’d be within her right to complain over noise through thin walls - what a complete nightmare.

Also if you can’t keep 2 quiet how are you going to keep more quiet on top of these?!?

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:28

Oh and the previous neighbours who lived here. Told me, this same neighbour didn’t talk to their mum for ten years due to her kids being ‘ too loud ‘ so this isn’t the first time she has done this.

again just some background that my children are not behaving like zoo animals but that she doesn’t enjoy any noise in the garden from young Children .

I am entitled to set up a business here which will all be across the board and Ofsted approved. It was more morally if I should tell her after her reaction to my own children

thanks again for answers

OP posts:
ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 18:29

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:26

Ok to the people who think it was a dig about her not having children. That was 100% not a dig. I was trying to give some background, as she hasn’t had small children in her house , the noise is a shock to her and she told me when I met her she doesn’t like children but likes dogs.

no dig people choosing to not have children is no business of mine. So first to clear that up.

some people on here seem more annoyed by my children than me and I live with them 😂

I do teach my children to be quiet. They do not scream in an angry way or malicious. It is purely when they get over excited and I should explain to many on here not mentioning my part that my child has additional needs , explaining to him about being calm is a lot harder than it sounds but we work on it every day.

I do not find my children too loud. But I am used to being around children in jobs and now my own 2.

I will continue to teach the 6 year old to not shout around the home but a 2 year old is much harder .

thank you to the person who said the 4.30 am raidio blaring is pathetic as yes your the only one who mentioned this part.

I am not doing anything to intently upset her. Other than live quite a normal life of 2 young children.

My real question was with her tolerance of any noise from children , should I run my business by her.

I don’t want to clip my children’s wings due to her, or stop my dreams of setting up a business

But of course I want to respect her and her home also.

thank you for taking the time to answer . Very mixed bag of replies .

🙄 talk about change the narrative. You specifically called out in the OP that your kids are particularly loud, and that one has three meltdowns a day.

The fact is you don’t think it’s “normal” in your OP you accepted and made a point your kids are unusually loud. Posters are merely responding to the fact that that is on you.

”but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible .”

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:31

@ThejoyofNC sorry I must of missed me saying any of that ?! I wrote I do attempt. Children make noises.

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 15/05/2025 18:31

Living next door to ‘loud character’ kids whose parents think they are just being kids, is my ideal of actual hell.

hattie43 · 15/05/2025 18:31

I’d hate to have you as neighbours, you don’t seem to grasp how awful excess noise is . People deserve peace at home .

Allthegoodhorses · 15/05/2025 18:31

ThejoyofNC · 15/05/2025 18:26

Say what you're saying is that you make no attempt to keep your own children quiet and you're delighted that you'll soon be able to make even more noise?

Yes this is exactly the subtext of the Op's posts.

faerietales · 15/05/2025 18:32

It’s nothing to do with her whether you run a business or not - but you still need to make sure you don’t let the children scream and run riot all day.

Karmakamelion · 15/05/2025 18:32

WomenInSTEM · 15/05/2025 18:02

Nice of you to shoehorn in the fact that she doesn't have children.

FFS.

It seems relevant to me

TooGoodToGoto · 15/05/2025 18:32

babasaclover · 15/05/2025 18:26

You are completely unreasonable to set up as a childminder if you are semi detached. She’d be within her right to complain over noise through thin walls - what a complete nightmare.

Also if you can’t keep 2 quiet how are you going to keep more quiet on top of these?!?

So child minders have to have detached houses…. Don’t be ridiculous!

Caerulea · 15/05/2025 18:33

Your getting a very peculiar response here imo.

Your kids sound perfectly ordinary & no reason at all why they should be tip-toeing around the garden which is YOUR garden. They aren't out there late at night or likely first thing.

She sounds like an arse & blaring a radio through the wall in the middle of the night is a pathetic & unnecessary response to ordinary family noise. It's also not normal to ignore someone for TEN YEARS just cos they have kids. If she loathes them that much she should be in a detached, not a semi.

I've no suggestions as to the business, you can let her know but you know full well how she's going to react.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:33

@ForRealThisTime i made a joke that he has 3 melt downs a day as I didnt butter his toast right ? Have you met two year olds they do this ? It was a little joke. But yes terrible twos is a real thing. I can’t stop meltdowns it is part of development

but he is a very good boy

I also didn’t say unusually loud. I said they have Loud voices . .

nope no change of narrative just bit more explanation.

OP posts:
HenDoNot · 15/05/2025 18:33

A childminder living in a “huge project” of a house, who allows her children to scream and make that much noise that it has pissed the neighbour off to the point of blasting a radio through the walls at 4.30am to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Yeah, you haven’t thought this move, or your business through really, have you?

I hope you’ve got plenty of parking space, and are planning full soundproofing during your “huge project”.

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 18:34

Did she message you that the music at 4am was to teach you something?

if she did, keep the message. It will be helpful if she intentionally tries to intimidate it harass you.

crimsonlake · 15/05/2025 18:35

You may not have to tell her you are going to start a childminder business. However if you are attached I don't think it's going to go well.
My children are grown now but if ever they got a bit loud, well in they came.

BrightBrickSnail · 15/05/2025 18:35

The other day my youngest screamed a couple of times outside. I said if they kept screaming we’d have to go in. They screamed again, we went in.

Sorry OP, but it sounds like YABU.

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