WWYD? My best friend has posted pictures of my kids AGAIN without my consent

[Chaibaby]

Help me process this please.....
My best friend has her own business and does a lot of promotion and marketing on social media platforms.

A few months ago she used an image of my child on these (without my consent), promoting her business with the usual #hashtags, and trying to attract new customers, actively asking people to come and check out her page.
Her security settings are not private, so this goes EVERYWHERE and to EVERYONE, on multiple social media platforms.
I didn't know she was planning this, and when I saw it, immediately asked her to take it down, explaining I wasn't comfortable with it, and concerned that any Tom Dick or Harry will be looking at my child. I felt it wasn't appropriate and completely unrelated to her work. It was unashamedily self promotion. I also explained tht I didn't like the idea of her using my children and 'marketing fodder' for her to promote herself and get more likes, dangling images of a cute child to get attention doesn't sit right. She apologised, and removed the image. We moved on.

Now it has happened again, only now there are more tags (including high profile celebrities). With the purpose I assume to gain more traction out there, and increase footfall to her FB, Insta etc. She introduced my child in the post by name and shared and other details (favourite toys etc)
Again, once I saw this, I immediately asked for her to remove this.
She apologised and said she didn't mean to offend me. Again I have had to be quite graphic about the safeguarding issue here, and what can happen to these images when the wrong person gets them, the dangers of posting childrens details online.

I'm so upset this has happened again, and feel utterly horrible at having to call this out. I've been in floods of tears about it.
AIBU expecting someone to know this basic online ettiquete?
She has now cancelled a trip we had planned together later in the year, being cold add distant. I've asked to if we can talk about this, and been shut down. And I'm left feeling like the world's worst person, and looks like I've lost my best friend. Actually crying as I write this...
I've been left feeling so angry about this, bloodly social media - I feel like her ego is more important than my child's protection. But she just doens't get it.
What do I do? Any advise is greatly recieved.

Believe me someone who hates you enough to disregard your wish for your children's privacy hates you, she is not your best friend, your vague friend or any sort of friend.

Sorry OP but this person is not a good friend to disregard your wishes when you've been quite clear you don't want images of your children used. It's ok to feel sad that the friendship is over but you didn't do anything wrong.

She is completely out of order to use photos of your children for commercial purposes without parental consent - and worse share private information about them. Unbelievable that she has done this twice. This is not a friendship worth saving however upsetting that may seem.

I run a business and regularly gift some of the things created to children of my friends and family. I would never post of photo on my account, let alone my businesses, of other people children. I am considering asking a few friends if their children will model some items. However, I would never be annoyed by their choice/answer, would still have them okay each post/photo and would be happy to delete if they changed their mind at any time!

Your friend is out of order, OP. I am a photographer, although a bit of a lapsed one as haven't done client work in a while. But when I was doing it as a sideline I did a lot of practice/test shoots with friends and their children. They got the photos as a thank you. If there were shots I loved, I asked if I could use them in my portfolio, making it clear that 'no' was an acceptable answer. Some said no, some said yes. Still have the same relationship with all of them. (Oh and the ones who said yes, I got them to sign a release, so they were clear what I would do with the photos, and knew I wouldn't use them for anything they hadn't already agreed, and that they could ask for them to be taken down at any time)

I stopped allowing my DCs pictures on social media when I found out that paedophiles are using kids faces to make fake child porn and one paedo became obsessed with a child and stalked them due to seeing them on social media.

It’s absolutely a safeguarding issue. Once your child’s phot is out there you can’t stop anyone doing anything with it and paedophiles are doing some horrendous things with our kids pictures and videos.

When you say “every Tom, Dick and Harry” will be looking at your child, you do realise anyone can see their faces every time they go out of the house, don’t you?

OP report the post and say it’s someone you know and you want it removed. It might work.

Great cross post with @NotAnOptimist. From my experience I'd say ask them, and make it clear no is fine. They're unlikely to be upset to be asked.

What are the items? If it's a cardigan for example, maybe photos could be styled so their faces aren't shown too

The first time may have been an error/misunderstanding/oversight on friend's side.

Doing it again was not.

Yet, this person did have to be told again and now isn't speaking to YOU because of it?!

Oh, hell no. Discard!

She's not your friend and you are well rid of that in your life. Once is a mistake twice is deliberate

She's not your friend. You're rid of her, now block her.

Absolutely. Added to which, AI is rapidly advancing but future risks are unknown.

It’s almost impossible to not have pictures posted of you on social media regardless if you want to or not

seriously last week had photos taken, at a charity thing I help at….. then photos at a school thing …. Then photos at pub…. Then photos at a craft club I go to

none Of these were asked for permission
and they are all used to promote things
its basically impossible to escape
no wonder people are so self conscious of how they look ….

but in this case a friend doing this when you’re said you don’t want it
that’s not a friend and sounds ok the trash has taken itself out so allow her to go as she’ll only do it again

If she was really your friend she would respect you and your choices regarding your children and their safety online. She does not and has violated your trust repeatedly. She is not your friend.

It absolutely can be a safeguarding issue. I don’t allow my face or info on any social media and definitely not my children.

She's saved you the trouble of backing out of the friendship.
Move on.

Yeah but unless they’re taking photos they can’t turn them into porn photos to wank over.

It’s not the same thing.

Once should have been enough to say it to her, she was being a completely disrespectful CF to do it twice and putting you in the horrible position of having to say it to her again…. She is completely at fault here

On the upside….your kids must be absolutely gorgeous for her to try and do this twice😁

I'm sorry, OP. This person sounds both ignorant and someone who is not a genuine friend. There are so many high quality, free image sites out there, there is absolutely no excuse for her to use images of your children without your permission.

If she has decided she doesn't want to be friends, there isn't anything you can do other than move on. It's really upsetting when someone you thought was a friend lets you down like this, but this is not something you have caused.

I agree.
There's quite a few posts that are completely dismissive of the risk.

Presumably the OP follows her friend's account as they were close friends.
It's a public account. Open to anyone.
Some people are very skilled at picking up info from social media accounts and identifying people from soc med photos - Google Lens?

A determined person who now knows the child's actual name and other personal details thanks to that friend could look through this public Account to see who follows her and find people with the same name... find OP's insta and go through her account and identify the child and glean quite a lot of information, possibly a location. Easier if OP has liked previous posts to support her friend.

Hopefully this will never ever happen, but if it is a small risk, it worries the OP then its unfair to dismiss that worry. Afterall that's what the friend did. She decided that OP was over the top and she would do what she wanted regardless.

I think the OP is more upset that the friend has dismissed her wishes and having been told to take the photo down AGAIN, is now in a sulk and ignoring the OP.. It's that disappointment in someone she thought of as a best friend which is upsetting the OP, more than the photo.

You are the offended party here… you shouldn’t be asking her to talk things about or be disappointed that she cancelled the trip.

You don’t need “friends” like this.

For all those berating OP for crying, it sounds to me like she's upset over the fallout with her best friend, not that she posted the picture.

OP, you have absolutely every right to protect your child's image from being exploited online. Was the photo taken inside your house? Because if so that's a breach of privacy and your friend needs to understand how serious that can be.

Hashtagging posts with celebrity names is a cringe marketing strategy.

Have you ever accepted anything from her in relation to her business relevant to your child eg free clothes she’s designed? Something where she could have considered that the photo was an exchange? It’s inappropriate to post pictures when asked not to but the flip side is why is a photo of your child being used? Did you accept a freebie?