WWYD? My best friend has posted pictures of my kids AGAIN without my consent

[Chaibaby]

Help me process this please.....
My best friend has her own business and does a lot of promotion and marketing on social media platforms.

A few months ago she used an image of my child on these (without my consent), promoting her business with the usual #hashtags, and trying to attract new customers, actively asking people to come and check out her page.
Her security settings are not private, so this goes EVERYWHERE and to EVERYONE, on multiple social media platforms.
I didn't know she was planning this, and when I saw it, immediately asked her to take it down, explaining I wasn't comfortable with it, and concerned that any Tom Dick or Harry will be looking at my child. I felt it wasn't appropriate and completely unrelated to her work. It was unashamedily self promotion. I also explained tht I didn't like the idea of her using my children and 'marketing fodder' for her to promote herself and get more likes, dangling images of a cute child to get attention doesn't sit right. She apologised, and removed the image. We moved on.

Now it has happened again, only now there are more tags (including high profile celebrities). With the purpose I assume to gain more traction out there, and increase footfall to her FB, Insta etc. She introduced my child in the post by name and shared and other details (favourite toys etc)
Again, once I saw this, I immediately asked for her to remove this.
She apologised and said she didn't mean to offend me. Again I have had to be quite graphic about the safeguarding issue here, and what can happen to these images when the wrong person gets them, the dangers of posting childrens details online.

I'm so upset this has happened again, and feel utterly horrible at having to call this out. I've been in floods of tears about it.
AIBU expecting someone to know this basic online ettiquete?
She has now cancelled a trip we had planned together later in the year, being cold add distant. I've asked to if we can talk about this, and been shut down. And I'm left feeling like the world's worst person, and looks like I've lost my best friend. Actually crying as I write this...
I've been left feeling so angry about this, bloodly social media - I feel like her ego is more important than my child's protection. But she just doens't get it.
What do I do? Any advise is greatly recieved.

This is really weird. Is your dc playing with a toy she created or something where she wanted to show a child enjoying her product? Or has she just saved a pic randomly of your child. Either way it’s completely out of line. If she’s cancelled the trip that’s on her. Your child comes first. She sounds awful.

She was wrong the first time, but you could argue that she just hadn't thought about it properly. Posting another image after you had made your preferences clear was totally disrespectful. It doesn't actually matter whether other people agree with your assessment of the safeguarding risks or not. You have the right to make decisions about your own dc, and you had made you decision clear.

I understand why you're upset, but it sounds like this woman is not that much of a great friend after all, so perhaps you should try to look at it as a lucky escape. She isn't who you thought she was. I'm sorry.

https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/uk-gdpr-guidance-and-resources/individual-rights/individual-rights/right-to-erasure/#:~:text=individual%20for%20ID?-,What%20is%20the%20right%20to%20erasure?,individual%20objects%20to%20that%20processing;

under Article 17 of the GDPR you (and your children) have the right to be forgotten, and this includes deletion of images. Even if you gave consent once, you have the right to revoke that consent. Write to her, stating this and that she must remove them within one calendar month otherwise you will report her to the ICO.

it will probably end the friendship, but frankly if she has no regard for your feelings on this issue, why are you even still calling her a friend?

I said that any such further incidents would result in me going legal.
He then behaved in an aggressive manner and tried to do various things amongst our friends. My friends tried to keep the peace but accepted why I was so upset and respected that.

bloody. Hell. This was a good friend taking photos of your children? I wouldn’t want someone like this within a 5 mile radius of
my Children

Where is she getting the photos from? Surely you don’t send them to her?

First time I would maybe understand the mistake but she’s done it a second time when she could have easily asked you.

I know you’re upset about losing a friendship but honestly I wouldn’t bother, she isn’t respecting your wishes.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't worry about this from a safeguarding perspective, but I would be fucking furious that she'd used a photo of my child without permission for bloody marketing purposes! She's basically using them as a free model because she's too much of a tight cow to pay for one or purchase a stock image. The fact that your child's name was also in the posts makes it even worse. And the spam-tagging of celebrities is just cringey as fuck.

Your friend sounds absolutely clueless about how marketing works and what is/isn't acceptable in advertising, either on social media or elsewhere. She doesn't have the right to use your child's photo for her financial gain without your permission.

Her 'business' isn't a MLM thing, is it? Because this is the sort of thing MLM types do with their #girlboss hashtags and their complete failure to understand marketing ethics and proper business practices.

YANBU to be annoyed that despite saying you didn't want photos of your child on social media, she forgot you'd said this and did it again. That's not what a friend would do - she clearly thinks and cares more about her business than she does you.

But YABU to pulling the safeguarding card, unless there's something you're not telling us? (e.g. your child is adopted? your child's father is violent and you don't want him finding images of your child? The image of your child was inappropriate - in which case why was this even taken in the first place?!?!). This was rather an over-reaction to what was just a poor decision by someone who is clearly more interested in self promotion than friendships.

I would be livid too OP, its something I feel strongly about. I get that you are upset that your BF pulled away. All hope isn't lost. She will probably talk to others about why you fell out and will hopefully see reason as I think most people would agree she is in the wrong. If you do move on I think you deserve an apology, she knew how you felt about it

Your so called friend is a low life piece of 💩

Call her out on your own social media - shame this 💩 - let everyone know how she does business

She is letting child abusers use an image to create disgusting and illegal content that they couldn't if she hadn't put the image out there - that's what sick people do now with advances in technology - let the police know as well

You should sue her really

@YellowPostIts fine, but OP's issue seems to mainly be the fact that her child's photo is online, not the advertising itself:

Again I have had to be quite graphic about the safeguarding issue here, and what can happen to these images when the wrong person gets them, the dangers of posting childrens details online

Yep.

That's my point.

Once is a mistake. To do it repeatedly after being asked, is really not ok.

Even if you don't see issues with plastering photos all over social media.

OP, if you're reading this can you tell us how she got the images?

I'm quite surprised at how many people don't think there's a safeguarding issue in having posted the photo along with the child's name and other personal details. Given she's a business user and therefore presumably gives out her address, it's definitely an issue.

First response nails it.

She’s not a friend to repeatedly ignore your wishes and now get the hump when you’ve complained about it. You’re better off without her. It’s good she’s cancelled the trip though you should have done it first.

Report her business page if she does it again

That was the attitude I took.

Our mutual friends who gave him the benefit of the doubt have also fallen out.

The one who tried really hard to stay friends with him, surprised me last weekend by calling him an 'absolute dick' to a third party whilst I was there.

I managed to keep a straight face.

Honestly- stop with the hand wringing. She has blatantly overstepped the mark now on numerous occasions. Tell her to stop. Tell her to remove the pictures and block her unless she very sincerely understands what she has done wrong and apologises. She is wrong. You are not. be strong.

FWIW about 7-8 years ago one of my 'friends' posted a picture of my SEN then 7 year old son naked (from behind but with his bum visible) in her hot tub with a 'funny quip'. She has approx 2000 friends on FB, because she has all her various work contacts and social contacts and art contacts etc etc etc. I immediately contacted her to take it down and she apologised and realised she had overstepped. Her response was immediate and apologetic. As far as i was concerned, that was the end of it. if she had done itn again i would have gone batshit crazy all over her arse. Don't cry. Be assertive.

And she might have good reasons to be concerned about that which she hasn’t chosen to share with all of Mumsnet.

But even if not, it’s her child, her choice. It’s absolutely not up to her friend to override that decision.

She's not your best friend

I'd get my story clear for when she goes telling everyone her side of the story

I wonder though, not having a go, but what did you say to her when asking her to take the photo down?
Did you have a go at her?
I wouldn't blame you, its just a weird jump from 'please take down this photo because xyz' to 'holiday cancelled and messages ignored'?

Either way, yanbu x

You might point her at a copy of the sort of photographic consent forms used by many organisations. If she doesn't have children, she may not have realised that this is fairly standard practice. If she thinks it's just you overreacting, then she may do the same with someone else's children in the future.

There's one at
https://thecpsu.org.uk/resource-library/forms/photography-and-video-consent-form-template/

And prior to this he’d been a close good friend

wow!

What an asshole. Sounds like you desperately want their friendship and they thought they could take the piss. I wouldn't want them in my life.

To a large group of us.

Tbh I was already keeping the peace to an extent (sexist prick) and that pushed me over the edge.

But yes.

He had form for falling out with people though.