WWYD? My best friend has posted pictures of my kids AGAIN without my consent

[Chaibaby]

Help me process this please.....
My best friend has her own business and does a lot of promotion and marketing on social media platforms.

A few months ago she used an image of my child on these (without my consent), promoting her business with the usual #hashtags, and trying to attract new customers, actively asking people to come and check out her page.
Her security settings are not private, so this goes EVERYWHERE and to EVERYONE, on multiple social media platforms.
I didn't know she was planning this, and when I saw it, immediately asked her to take it down, explaining I wasn't comfortable with it, and concerned that any Tom Dick or Harry will be looking at my child. I felt it wasn't appropriate and completely unrelated to her work. It was unashamedily self promotion. I also explained tht I didn't like the idea of her using my children and 'marketing fodder' for her to promote herself and get more likes, dangling images of a cute child to get attention doesn't sit right. She apologised, and removed the image. We moved on.

Now it has happened again, only now there are more tags (including high profile celebrities). With the purpose I assume to gain more traction out there, and increase footfall to her FB, Insta etc. She introduced my child in the post by name and shared and other details (favourite toys etc)
Again, once I saw this, I immediately asked for her to remove this.
She apologised and said she didn't mean to offend me. Again I have had to be quite graphic about the safeguarding issue here, and what can happen to these images when the wrong person gets them, the dangers of posting childrens details online.

I'm so upset this has happened again, and feel utterly horrible at having to call this out. I've been in floods of tears about it.
AIBU expecting someone to know this basic online ettiquete?
She has now cancelled a trip we had planned together later in the year, being cold add distant. I've asked to if we can talk about this, and been shut down. And I'm left feeling like the world's worst person, and looks like I've lost my best friend. Actually crying as I write this...
I've been left feeling so angry about this, bloodly social media - I feel like her ego is more important than my child's protection. But she just doens't get it.
What do I do? Any advise is greatly recieved.

This x

Again I have had to be quite graphic about the safeguarding issue here, and what can happen to these images when the wrong person gets them, the dangers of posting childrens details online.

Well there are lots of people who don't really think it's that big a risk, but "safeguarding" is a red herring here.

The fact is that you specifically asked her not to use an image of your child to promote her business after doing it the first time. And she has gone ahead and done exactly that, after your request not to. That is totally out of order and it would have been out of order if you had asked her not to post pictures of your car/house/dog or anything else.

As an aside, she really needs to go on a social media marketing or SEO course if she thinks that posting pictures and tagging / hashtagging random celebs is the way to go about things. What sort of business is it?

Why would you want to stay friends & go away with her? I'd be glad she's cancelled because it'd saved me the job.

Contrary to popular belief I absolutely can see how this could be a safeguarding issue. I think many people don't realise just how messed up some people in the world can be. Your children should not be used in any marketing etc stunt. You are all entitled to privacy and once they are out there on a public platform you can no longer control them. You have no control over who sees them or what they choose to do with the information/images.

As PP says check your rights and formally request removal and state how they have been used without consent.

While the loss of your friend feels tough now in the long run you can put your mind at ease knowing you are doing what you can to keep your child safe. You don't know maybe she will see reason, apologise and there won't be issues in the future.

Ultimately, this is one of those moments in life where you’ve had to prioritise your children’s safety and security over anything else. Unfortunately, this ‘friend’ has no respect for you. Once is a mistake. Twice?
She’s certainly not showing up as a friend, put it that way.

Wtf

so this good friend you knew to be a sexist prick before he repeatedly disrespected and then was aggressive to you

this just gets odder and odder

I’d bollock her. At the end of the day, even if you think someone else’s rules are silly you follow the rules they set for their kids. My SIL has some rules I think are silly, but you best believe when I take care of her kids I follow them to the letter. I’m militant about pics of my kids online, and unfortunately I’ve had to be a bit of a ball buster with people over it. Not having pics of your kids online is such a small insignificant thing, even if the risks are negligible (which I don’t actually think they are with AI) it doesn’t matter.

She really has over-stepped. She’s using your child’s image for free to advertise her product. People often have the attitude that just because it’s on social media it’s ok, but if their face appeared for free advertising a company on a giant billboard they wouldn’t like it.

People are desensitised with sharing their photo’s and other people’s photo’s with the world online.

I really wouldn’t be sad at losing this friend, OP. They don’t respect you and they also don’t respect your child. It’s obvious they should ask permission to do something like this. They also should be paying your child. They are exploiting your child for their own gain, that isn’t a friend.

I would feel the same way you do (although more furious than upset, I think). It's not okay to use other people's images (and even names!) to promote your business without their permission. I think you could sue her if you wanted to. I'd suggest that if you continue this friendship, you don't allow her to take any more photos of your kid(s) and you don't share them with her.

And photos of identifiable people count as 'data' for the data protection act.

Anyone who says you’re over-reacting hasn’t researched what people are doing with child image scraping and AI on the dark web.

The IWF has been clear about it. https://www.iwf.org.uk/media/q4zll2ya/iwf-ai-csam-report_public-oct23v1.pdf

Friendship isn’t supposed to be a tug of wills.

For anyone laughing at the idea of this being a safeguarding issue, it is. I have sat through training were police have explained incidences of abusive fathers tracking down their ex's and children through photos on social media. It was shocking how many clues to a childs location can be given away in a simple photo.

I have also seen photos of what some very sick people have done with a photo once it has been posted. I will absolutely not have my child on social media and I would encourage other parents to be as cautious.

she's obvs not your best friend or any kind of friend for that matter....but floods of tears? come on, GET MAD!!

Wow, this is awful of your “best friend” (I agree with others this person is not acting as someone I would even call a friend let alone a best friend unfortunately).

I’m confused by some of the responses suggesting you’re overreacting, I’d be furious and it definitely is a potential safeguarding issue especially if the photo is posted with the child’s name, though I agree hopefully no actual harm is likely to happen because of it especially if she takes it down pronto.

As someone else said, a friend would ask first (actually in my opinion a friend would probably understand it was inappropriate to ask - maybe unless your child works as a child model and would have been employed as such or if you’d expressed interest in that role for them before or offered your child’s images up for her business - which I guess some people might if you’re close friends and it’s eg a toy business etc). And they 100 percent would not ignore this clear boundary you have set a second time, this is a massive red flag.

I’m sorry this has happened but I really hope you can find some better friends. If I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt it’s possible this person has got really caught up in some MLM cult-type brainwashing about promotion of the business at all costs without any loyalty to friends etc. But if it’s really her “own” business then even that doesn’t fly. And it’s still not an excuse but in my eyes a slight mitigating factor/explanation for this behaviour if she has otherwise genuinely been a good friend in the past.

Anyone who cares so little about safeguarding your children is not your friend.
Maybe you should put something online yourself: "Clueless influencer exploits children for likes."

You are totally within your right to have that as a boundary and she’s not a good friend if she chose to ignore it.
Im sorry your going through this it must be very upsetting and hurtful

You are entitled to set boundaries for the use of your minor children's images.

But your anxiety over it is OTT. There are more than 5 billion humans worldwide on social media. The odds of your children's images being misused are extremely slim. Unless there is a backstory about a stalker or something, this is nothing to get worked up about.

As to your "friend," I think that friendship has reached its end point.

You’re not being unreasonable, less is
more when it comes to social media and I would be so pissed off

Not picking an argument, but genuinely asking why is it a safeguarding issue. Unless the ops kids are subjected previously to abuse and the sickos are actively seeking them out, how does it become a safeguarding issue?

I'm amazed that so many people think you are overreacting about having her image and information available to AI. Your friend doesn't understand the issues but that's not your problem. I can see why you're upset.

Apart from anything else you are protecting your child's privacy. The images belong to her.

Of course it's a safeguarding issue if she's shared the child's picture plus a load of personal details. What are people not getting here? Additionally, with the advanced in AI people can use images of children to create all sorts of foul material so it's really best not to make that possible.

I would also cry if my trusted friend treated me this way. Sorry OP. At least you know now.

You're not unreasonable, but your ex friend has clearly decided that this is a make or break matter as far as your relationship goes.

So the best thing to do now is stop crying and think about something else. It can't be salvaged, she isn't trustworthy, she doesn't respect you ... let her go.

This.

huge over reaction op

This is bang out of order OP.
If she was really a best friend she would have asked you, you would have said no and she'd respect that. Once might be a bit naive and yeah she might have thought you might be OK with it. Different parents have drastically different views on kids photos on social media. But it sounds like you handled that first one amicably. But to do it AGAIN!

She's stopping out of embarrassment.

What sort of a friend doesn't give a flying fuck about your boundaries with regards to your children's online safety? She is no real friend.