I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

I actually do understand what you mean, OP. My neighbours are always in their garden and they're very quiet and lovely, but it makes me feel uncomfortable when I'm out in mine. I am very self conscious, and I don't want anyone to hear me or see me. We have high fences which is great.

However, I'm very aware that this is a me problem. I'm slowly recovering from severe PTSD and I also have panic disorder and GAD. I know that my issues with feeling uncomfortable having people so close by are my issues and no one else's.

I wouldn't dream, ever, of saying or doing anything when my neighbours are using their garden, because my problems are not their fault, and they're doing absolutely nothing wrong.

I tell myself I just have to get over it. I've arranged a corner of the garden where my seating is up against the fence with a parasol over the top so if anyone ever did look over (they wouldn't), I couldn't be seen. I've started sitting out there in small stints, with a book or a magazine. If I have to talk to DH or the DC while out there, again, I just have to try and get on with it. I do talk quietly, but that annoys everyone so I try to tell myself that literally no one is interested in my boring life, and my neighbours have better things to do than listen to my garden conversations.

I'm not fully comfortable out there yet, but I'm getting there. I think you need to acknowledge that these are your issues, not your neighbours, and know they're doing nothing wrong.

Errrrr what 😅

Honestly I think some people overestimate how interested other people are in them. Most people have no interest in listening into other peoples conversations or monitoring what their neighbours are doing. They’re enjoying their garden and not purposely trying to be intrusive.

You’re annoyed that your neighbours use their garden?

seriously?

can’t be real……

why does the neighbours using their garden mean you can’t have a fresh start?

Definitely this!

Also when you bought your house OP did you not notice your neighbour had a garden and a garden office and that the garden was well tended ie. Clearly in use

was this hidden from you by a 20 foot fence or on some weird angle ? 🤔

It’s very unreasonable to assign the nightmare title when they’ve not done anything to you yet!

yes put up a fence. But also learn to peacefully ignore not see. They’re clearly not paying any attention to you and enjoying their outdoor space.

try not to over think and do the same.

Hmm, nightmare neighbours you say? 🤣🤣

Eh? They are not going to be listening in to your conversations!
Just enjoy your garden.

DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such

There's no 'as such' about it, they are not being antisocial at all!

Jeez, have I just read this? If true I think you were the nightmare neighbours. You are clearly paranoid and entitled.
Honestly this is not normal.

the irony that you "feel like they’re always just right there, lurking" and yet there you are creeping on the poor woman doing her yoga or working or reading her book, clearly aware of what she's up to every minute of the day!

as pps have said, put something up to block your view so they're out of sight, out of mind. So what if they do overhear your conversations? Hopefully you aren't discussing state secrets in the garden!

Now go and buy a house with no neighbours

job sorted.

“I sort of know IABU”

you’re definitely being unreasonable.

There's definitely a massive problem and it's not your neighbours.

we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours

I’d love to hear their side if the story 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you living next to people who have the audacity to quietly stretch and read books. You’re basically living in a war zone of mindfulness and calm.

I scared to ask how bad the previous "nightmare neighbours" were. Did they drink tea and talk about politics?

Stay strong.

So you can’t use the garden in the way you want because they are using it in that way already.

i can hear conversations going on when I’m next door garden with my windows opens if you want complete privacy you need not to have anyone in gardens around you

just use your garden

Do you not have a fence?

THIS

WTF do you think they should do? Stay inside and look out at their garden so they don’t disturb you?

Such an odd post. They are just doing perfectly normal things in their own garden. They are not being loud or anti social.

We are often in our garden at the same time as our neighbours. I know they sit there talking but I couldn’t tell you what about. I read a book, chat to my husband, play with the dogs etc. Them being in their garden doesn’t spoil my enjoyment of mine.

In what universe does your NDN doing yoga or reading a book constitute 'nightmare' neighbourdom?

Ask for their permission to build a seven foot fence?

I’m not in the UK, but something lile this would probably only happen there. Along with refusing to open the door even if you can see it’s only a delivery.

Well noise is obviously not a problem so if it's just being able to see each other, plant high growing shrubs or put in a higher fence

Sounds like you have great neighbours

NO to music - no matter how low.
It's very anti-social