I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

This is just the strangest thing I have ever read. It’s hard to judge on the basis of ‘reasonable’ or ‘unreasonable’ because frankly, it’s just so ‘out there’ as a subject. I am speechless. This is a spoof, come on? You can’t be serious?!

Do not put on music. Their neighbours don't want to hear it and it sounds like they are being quiet so why would you be so selfish as to inflict that?
It's like people on the bus who think everyone wants to hear their little Jonny watching cartoons at full volume.

"we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours"

Can you tolerate ANYONE?

The only thing which would worry me is if there was the sound of the neighbours next door digging up the patio 😱🫤

" there was an unspoken code that if you hear your neighbours are out in their garden eating lunch or whatever you respect their privacy and don’t go out at the same time. "

You what!? So, if you think you might want to go outside at some point during the day, you needed to get out there first and bagsy it!?

Seriously, I'm sorry you are finding this difficult, but you are unhinged. This is crazy behaviour!

Unfortunately, you’re the nightmare neighbour. They have a right to use their garden anytime they want to and you are completely ridiculous to expect them not to.

Go out and enjoy your garden. Stop being paranoid that people are “listening” to you - because they probably couldn’t give a rats tail what you’re talking about or doing.

And none of those things stop you being friends with your neighbours.

we moved to a village where we knew no one 11 years ago. We became very good friends with our neighbours, and although they moved out a few years ago, we’re still very good friends. The replacement neighbours only ever wanted to be “friendly” and polite, and that’s fine too.

I’m not saying that you have to be friends with your neighbours but it’s still perfectly possible despite all the things you have listed.

unspoken code?/ that is crazy - it does not exist. Get a taller fence. weve got a 6ft one. stop overthinking.

I can understand that in close confined spaces it could feel awkward. I’m wondering how it works in practice. What happens on a nice summer’s afternoon when you and your neighbour invite people over? Is it that whoever goes out first has effectively laid claim to the outside and the others stay indoors?

Blimey. You are bang out or order.

you seem to live in a sad unkind place but here in south london we have none of that. all your 'facts' are not backed up with evidence. You experience only what you already believe - but you cant see that.

Who are the 3% thinking this is reasonable ????
jeez this is a weird thing to get annoyed about. They don’t sound like horrible neighbours smoking weed and playing loud music constantly so what’s the bother in them using their own garden???

Nailed it

Not at all - no sadness here, so please don’t project.

It’s better when everyone knows where they stand. Keep neighbourly relations friendly, but at arms length.

I suspect many on MN would agree with me.

You sound utterly insufferable
I suspect the neighbours might be glad not to interact or be your kind of people
maybe they are telling their friends about their ghastly neighbours

Yes, I agree with you, although I suggest its the exception rather than the rule.

I guess the ones who refuse to answer their doors probably will.

Hi Blossom, all well with you?

Seriously. Have you not interacted with your new neighbours in 3 months?

Not based on the people I know. More are friends with their neighbours than not.

And quite the contrary where I live.

We’re the neighbours who are always in the garden whenever we can. We live in a terraced row, and I wouldn’t care if all 5 families were out in their gardens, it wouldn’t stop me using my garden. No unspoken rule here. Wierd.

You sounds nuts op!

Somehow that doesn’t surprise me

How very indeed!