I sort of know IABU, but would this bother you? Neighbours always in the garden.

[Newhomeandgarden]

DP and I bought and moved into our new house about 3 months ago. The garden was a big feature for us. The problem is that our next door neighbours clearly think so too - they’re always out in theirs and I mean always. The husband works from a home office at the bottom of the garden, the wife often brings her laptop out and works at the garden table, or else doing yoga on the grass or just sits there reading with a drink. It just makes me feel like they’re always just right there, lurking, and I feel really self-conscious when I sit in our garden and especially if DP and I have a conversation out there that they’re listening in on it. DP doesn’t want to rock the boat because they aren’t noisy or antisocial as such and we moved to get away from nightmare neighbours, but I’m just devastated that it looks like we’re going to end up in the same situation in what was meant to be our fresh start.

I know I can’t exactly ask them not to use their garden, but it just feels so unfair that I can’t relax in my own home because it’s like living next to a public park!

If the fence between the 'nuisance' (😂) neighbours is chest height as you state OP. How can you see that the guy is working in his garden office? The lady reading her book with a drink? Doing yoga on the lawn?
You wouldn't be able to see any of that over a chest height fence. You must therefore be watching them from an upstairs window or standing on something looking over the fence. Do you think that's healthy? Spying on your neighbours isn't nice. The fence affords you privacy.
Your behaviour doesn't seem fair on your neighbours.
I'm guessing you'll be moving again soon. Maybe consider a flat... Without a garden 👍

I thought you were going to say that they were using your garden, in which case of course YANBU - but if they are in their OWN garden - I'm afraid YABU. (If they had posted this about you using your own garden, what would your thoughts be?).

I actually know what you mean about the ‘unspoken code’ re using your garden/not using when the neighbours were out there. A few years ago, I lived somewhere that sounds similar to where you are now (low fence, shared access etc) and the same, always felt awkward when our (very nice) neighbours were out in the garden at the same time as us. One day I got chatting to ‘Mandy’ and it turned out they felt the same! So we very cleverly devised a code we could use when one or the other of us wanted to use our gardens. If I wanted to I would open the back door and blast out a quick chorus of ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie on my cd player. When it got to the last line of the chorus (‘and I want to tell you so much… I love you’), she would return with the first couple of lines from verse 2 (‘I long to see the sunlight in your hair (ironic because we didn’t, haha), and tell you time and time again how much I care’). This simple code allowed us to know when the ‘coast was clear’ and we could all enjoy our gardens in peace. Maybe you could try something like this? NOTE: Mandy and her husband moved away a year or so after we’d devised this, which was a real shame because when I suggested the same to our new neighbours, they told me in no uncertain terms to ‘eff off’ 😬 I got my own back though, by posting a dog shit through their letterbox. Hope this helps.

I don’t understand this (or your massive leaps you’ve drawn) - of course you can see what the neighbour is doing if you have a chest height fence in a terraced street? And you don’t know how tall OP is or where the neighbours are seated. I totally get not agreeing with her but you’ve made some huge assumptions here and mean ones as well. Spying! 😆

Agree. Depends where you live too, 30 years in London and I can count on one hand, friends or family who are friends with neighbours.

It works for some, but not everyone.

Don't see how anyone can be surprised that not everyone is friends with their neighbours or wants to.

One ex-neighbour would come out only when I was in the garden and want to chat the whole time.

If any of this is true, it’s hilarious! Batshit insane, but hilarious.

Put up a high bamboo fence

All trampolines are bouncy.

And tall trees aren't things that can just be "popped" in, unfortunately.

🤣

Yes, sort of. We don’t have a special song though 😁
It’s whoever needs the garden more at the time really.

If they had a few friends round for drinks and I just had one round for a good chat I’d go in or take her for a walk ( we have open green space just round the corner from the house).
Its great estate, no one is loud in the evening but I think everyone appreciates how much sound travels here.

It’s good that you are all considerate of one another. It sounds like a nice community 🙂

I think now when the new neighbours come into the garden you should blast out a bit of “I Hate Everything About You” by Ugly Kid Joe.

If they have a bbq in the summer and invite you over would you go OP ? @Newhomeandgarden

I think you're being slightly OTT about nice people using their garden for its intended purpose!

My neighbours have a 12-foot trampoline next to our fence, where their kids bounce all day whilst looking into our house and shouting out to us - we have huge bi folds. We have no privacy. I can just about cope, but I'm sure your nice yoga loving neighbours aren't anywhere near as nosey. I'd gladly swap!

Gosh. I feel sorry for your neighbours. Grow up and simply say to them 'Would you be happy for me to add a little extra height to the fence? That way, we all have our privacy.' There you go, simple. The post and all replies makes you sound insufferable.

I am DYING at this!!!! 😂

Wish I had nice neighbours that read books and worked in potting sheds
I've got noisy, antisocial and criminal and duplicitous neighbours

Exactly my point.

Come live next to me!

Although I have a tendency to sing to myself in the potting shed, so maybe not…

Playing devil's advocate here, I also used to feel a little bit uncomfortable when living next to neighbours who were always in the garden. Then we had a low fence (like 3 ft), small garden, and there was no real corners you could go into so it felt sometimes like we couldn't have a conversation without sharing every aspect with the neighbours.

But my takeaway from this was that I'm not a communal type of person, and I like my own personal and private space to be outside. It's my problem, not my neighbours. Now we're moving to a remote village where we have more private space.

If you are a "l'enfer c'est les autres" type of person, it's probably a good time to figure that out.

Unreasonable? Reaching an astonishing level of entitlement, actually. You've moved into a new neighbourhood and you don't like the fact that your new neighbours use their garden when you might want to use yours? That's just a breathtaking degree of horribleness, hope their neighbours on the other side are slightly less self-absorbed than you are.

@Newhomeandgarden

Thread has run a while now, lots of views posted

How are your feeling now about how you view your relationship with your neighbours?

Has reading others experiences and perspectives helped you at all?

Not getting at you, seriously really interested. Your views and instilled ideas have been challenged, Im wondering how you are doing

Maybe consider something like this, do they don’t have to see you… And whether you're hosting a family BBQ, or just want some quality 'me time', making sure your garden is a private oasis is a must.
If you're keen to keep your garden safe from prying eyes, but can't afford the cost of building a new fence, a budget privacy screen is a great solution.
B&M's Peeled Reed Screening is priced at just £10, making it ideal for those trying to pinch the pennies.
The 100 x 300 cm screen can be easily attached to an existing fence, or balcony, transforming your garden into an island of its own.

In the kindest way possible, they are doing absolutely nothing wrong, the unwritten rule thing is crazy, I have never heard of that in my life. I've lived in semi detached homes and apartments with shared gardens and everyone in every situation just used their outdoor space as they wish. I have never not used my garden if a neighbour is already outside. You seem very 'anti neighbour' and I think this is a you problem. I'm not even sure if your last neighbours were nightmare neighbours as you call them, it sounds like they may have just been normal people who socialise in their garden. Personally if I were your current neighbours I'd be very uneasy about being watched through windows or over the fence whilst I was just trying to use my garden. It sounds like they've lived there a while and they absolutely should not have to change the way they live to suit you. And I don't think they've taken ownership over shared areas, it sounds like they lived there a while before you moved in and used their own free will, time and resources to make an area they use regularly look nice and maintained. I'd be grateful tbh.
You also don't need to live in each others pockets to be good neighbours, you are aware that sitcom neighbours are fiction. No one actually spends that much time together. You don't need to be friends but it doesn't hurt to be kind and polite.
You need to see your GP and seek some help/support as feeling and behaving like this is far from normal and will only get worse over time.

How dare your neighbours enjoy their own garden quietly and peacefully?Answer because it upsets you!!!Surely you can see how ridiculous you are being. If you want a private conversation go inside. When I read headlines I assumed it was an extended family with about a dozen noisy kids and several barking dogs living next door!!Then I see a childless couple working quietly in their OWN garden are causing you problems. If this is your only problem in life you are very lucky. Maybe they will have a kids at sometime. You will be in a right state if the baby dares cry or a child plays. I bet your previous neighbours were delightful people.
Why not go and live in a field?