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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell exH he can’t wfh in my house while daughter is at school

185 replies

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:30

I’ll try to keep this short - some background; exH and I are civil but he is not a good person, he lives with his parents and has never had the children overnight. I had to work to enforce firm boundaries after we split.

Recently our daughter was in hospital so he stayed in my house to look after the other children. I work part time so once she was home he came and wfh in my house the days I worked. Now she’s on phased return to school requiring a drop off in the morning, one visit for medical reasons 2 hours later and collecting 2.5 ish hours later.

He lives about 20 minutes from the school, my house is less than 10 minutes. He has spoken about his flexibility with work, when he signed on to work at 715 he’s been signed off by 3pm, with a lunch break of at least 30
minutes and coffee breaks etc in between. There will be no other children at home. He’s assuming he can use my house as a base during those in between hours so he would be there alone. This came up when I went through the schedule with him last night - he didn’t ask me if he could, but when I said you’ll have plenty of time to go home in between he said something along the lines of “hmmm your place is much closer, I’ll see”

I HATE him being in my space, I actually sage the place after he’s gone. Up to this he had never set foot in this house.

AIBU to say he can’t use my house?

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 14/05/2025 08:32

How can "he see"? Does he have a key because if so take it back from him now.

Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:32

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Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:32

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hididdlyho · 14/05/2025 08:32

I think given you say there's been issues with boundaries in the past YANBU to stick to your guns.

FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 08:33

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She's called him XH and said he'd never been in her house before this so let's assume yes

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:34

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Yes

OP posts:
Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:35

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Mulledjuice · 14/05/2025 08:35

Change the WiFi password

Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:35

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ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:36

Spirallingdownwards · 14/05/2025 08:32

How can "he see"? Does he have a key because if so take it back from him now.

No he doesn’t have a key but he knows where the spare key is. I thought about just moving that but he’ll be leaving the house with my daughter and son in the morning after I leave so could just take a front door key with him then (I’ve never let him do this but in theory he could do it)

OP posts:
ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:36

Mulledjuice · 14/05/2025 08:35

Change the WiFi password

That’s a great idea!

OP posts:
SALaw · 14/05/2025 08:37

Did you use words to tell him we won’t see and he’s not doing that?

K0OLA1D · 14/05/2025 08:37

Mulledjuice · 14/05/2025 08:35

Change the WiFi password

That's easily mitigated by hotspotting.

He needs his key removed.

FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 08:37

Why can't you just tell him no?

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:37

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No he doesn’t have a key and never has but he knows where the spare key is and would have access to front door key when he’s leaving the house with daughter in the morning, I’ll be gone to work before they leave.

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 08:38

So tell him no. And get a key safe and keep all spare keys in it when you're not in the house.

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 14/05/2025 08:38

It's not clear from the op, is he the one going to school for the medical visit after 2 hrs and then collecting early? Or is that you? If it's him then I can understand why he wants to work from yours as from his that medical stop would be 40 mins in just travelling plus the time for the check, which is more than the lunch break so affects work. If he then has to do the pick up as well that's more time away from working. I understand how you feel but this is not normal circumstances and maybe require a little flexibility.

BogRollBOGOF · 14/05/2025 08:38

Get a key safe for the spare key?

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:39

SALaw · 14/05/2025 08:37

Did you use words to tell him we won’t see and he’s not doing that?

Other kids were there at the time so I dropped the conversation there. I’ve a message ready to send this morning to confirms arrangements and state that he can’t go to my house, but need to be prepared for the push back. Lots going on at the moment so I’m feeling quite fragile and want to minimise the conflict!

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 14/05/2025 08:40

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:36

No he doesn’t have a key but he knows where the spare key is. I thought about just moving that but he’ll be leaving the house with my daughter and son in the morning after I leave so could just take a front door key with him then (I’ve never let him do this but in theory he could do it)

Remove the spare key and keep all keys with you until he gets the message if he won't accept that this isn't happening!

ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:41

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 14/05/2025 08:38

It's not clear from the op, is he the one going to school for the medical visit after 2 hrs and then collecting early? Or is that you? If it's him then I can understand why he wants to work from yours as from his that medical stop would be 40 mins in just travelling plus the time for the check, which is more than the lunch break so affects work. If he then has to do the pick up as well that's more time away from working. I understand how you feel but this is not normal circumstances and maybe require a little flexibility.

Yes he’ll be doing the drop off, the visit and the collection just for one day.

OP posts:
Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:41

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ZebraPyjamas · 14/05/2025 08:42

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 14/05/2025 08:38

It's not clear from the op, is he the one going to school for the medical visit after 2 hrs and then collecting early? Or is that you? If it's him then I can understand why he wants to work from yours as from his that medical stop would be 40 mins in just travelling plus the time for the check, which is more than the lunch break so affects work. If he then has to do the pick up as well that's more time away from working. I understand how you feel but this is not normal circumstances and maybe require a little flexibility.

He has a lot of flexibility with work. He could work on later to make up for any time lost travelling up and down. He has made a point of telling me how accommodating his boss has been so no issues there.

OP posts:
NameChange202525 · 14/05/2025 08:42

How many times does he have to go the school and back on those days he wants to WFH at your (closer) home? Are there any other public areas he could work from close to the school as a 40 min round trip 4 times a day when trying to work would be a total hassle if there are other options.

Roodleyou · 14/05/2025 08:42

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