To tell exH he can’t wfh in my house while daughter is at school

[ZebraPyjamas]

I’ll try to keep this short - some background; exH and I are civil but he is not a good person, he lives with his parents and has never had the children overnight. I had to work to enforce firm boundaries after we split.

Recently our daughter was in hospital so he stayed in my house to look after the other children. I work part time so once she was home he came and wfh in my house the days I worked. Now she’s on phased return to school requiring a drop off in the morning, one visit for medical reasons 2 hours later and collecting 2.5 ish hours later.

He lives about 20 minutes from the school, my house is less than 10 minutes. He has spoken about his flexibility with work, when he signed on to work at 715 he’s been signed off by 3pm, with a lunch break of at least 30
minutes and coffee breaks etc in between. There will be no other children at home. He’s assuming he can use my house as a base during those in between hours so he would be there alone. This came up when I went through the schedule with him last night - he didn’t ask me if he could, but when I said you’ll have plenty of time to go home in between he said something along the lines of “hmmm your place is much closer, I’ll see”

I HATE him being in my space, I actually sage the place after he’s gone. Up to this he had never set foot in this house.

AIBU to say he can’t use my house?

surely theres a local cafe he can work from!?

absolutely no!!

What does roodleyou keep saying!

Wrong thread

I have read all your posts. Telling your daughter not to give her dad the key wasn't an acceptable solution here - of course he was going to pressure her into handing it over. He's clearly a CF/pushy arsehole and you've said that you yourself have found it difficult to establish firm boundaries, but you still expected your young DD to do so. That is unreasonable. You're right not to want him in your home but you should have found some other way to make sure he couldn't get in.

Now DD is improving, you need to put the firm boundaries back up. No he can’t work from your house. He needs to give back the key. Why would he be there if there are no kids there who need care. Trust me when I say this will become a regular thing if you don’t put your foot down.

No I didn’t tell her not to give her dad the key. I said I told her to lock the door and throw the key back in, rather than let her brother do it as she’s the only one I can trust to actually push the key all the way back in and not leave it stick halfway in the letterbox! Standard practice for us. He also didn’t “pressure” her into giving him the key, he just asked for it and she assumed it was fine and gave it to him. So my children were not put in any stressful or difficult positions.

Foot has been firmly put down now! Thank you :) he also has never been given a key, the children use their key or the spare key to gain access if he’s with them.

He sounds very similar to my ex, does no actual parenting but likes to be involved in situations where he can look good by 'helping' even though he has as much parental responsibility as I do. He's also one if given an inch will take a mile.
I let mine know where the spare key was so that he could collect kids helmets as he was getting their bikes out of my shed. Helmets are kept at the front door in plane sight but my pet camera caught him in my bedroom having a nosey. He also took the key away with him. I called my landlord and they allowed me to change the lock barrel which I managed myself with a YouTube tutorial.
It's amazing the situations they will try and take advantage of. Hope that's your situation sorted but also wondering if there's a new emergency reason next week as to why he needs to go to your house.

I wouldn't want my ex to step one toe over my front door , tell him a straight no.

What a dirty old creep. Hopefully he wasn’t going through your knicker drawer!