To tell exH he can’t wfh in my house while daughter is at school

[ZebraPyjamas]

I’ll try to keep this short - some background; exH and I are civil but he is not a good person, he lives with his parents and has never had the children overnight. I had to work to enforce firm boundaries after we split.

Recently our daughter was in hospital so he stayed in my house to look after the other children. I work part time so once she was home he came and wfh in my house the days I worked. Now she’s on phased return to school requiring a drop off in the morning, one visit for medical reasons 2 hours later and collecting 2.5 ish hours later.

He lives about 20 minutes from the school, my house is less than 10 minutes. He has spoken about his flexibility with work, when he signed on to work at 715 he’s been signed off by 3pm, with a lunch break of at least 30
minutes and coffee breaks etc in between. There will be no other children at home. He’s assuming he can use my house as a base during those in between hours so he would be there alone. This came up when I went through the schedule with him last night - he didn’t ask me if he could, but when I said you’ll have plenty of time to go home in between he said something along the lines of “hmmm your place is much closer, I’ll see”

I HATE him being in my space, I actually sage the place after he’s gone. Up to this he had never set foot in this house.

AIBU to say he can’t use my house?

Was it once his house.

No he absolutely would not be willing to do that!

Does it matter? It no longer is, it's OP's!

Thank you. Unfortunately there was no other option for that week other than let him live there. We started out alternating nights in the hospital but our daughter preferred me there so I ended up staying the remaining 4 nights and he was in my house for those nights then. My mum and my older daughter stayed for 2 nights before that but couldn’t do more than that so I was truly stuck

Thank you. You’ve summed up my feelings about this better than I could have!

All of the children are his. He’s not looking after any of the others on these days (or any other days for that matter!), just the daughter with medical needs currently. One of our sons gets the same bus as her so is tagging along for the spin because it means he gets an extra 30 minutes in bed!

No, never.

Thank you so much everyone. All the feedback just helped me to stand my ground. I sent him a message just giving him the timings for everything tomorrow and ended sayin he should have plenty of time to go home between drop offs etc and suggested a nice new local coffee shop he could try if not, kept it light. He replied just agreeing and saying all good. I’ve moved the spare key - told kids it was getting rusty where it was which is true! And I’ll try to make sure son or daughter lock the front door on leaving (rather than him) and throw the key back in.

Fingers crossed there won’t be any drama!

No, normally ex has nothing to do with school runs. He needs to bring one of our daughters to school for 5 ish days over the next 3 weeks The others can continue with their normal arrangement with me.

Didn’t even think of the electricity element! He was ploughing through my coffee pods the week he was here, that annoyed me enough 😂

Just tell him no. Stop dropping hints

I agree with all this, but isn't the problem that he may then say that if he can't work from OP's house, he isn't going to help any more?

This!

As well as telling him he’s not welcome, he needs to go to HIS home etc.
But if he tries to muck around, using the house without your knowledge, make sure he has no WiFi!
And get your house key back.

@ZebraPyjamas I would change the lock so that it can only be opened from the outside with a key, like a yale, and dont give him a key. once he has left to take daughter to school then he cannot get back in. he is a chancer of the highest order. remove back door key from hidey hole and any other entrance keys eg garage with door entry to house. how long is he in the house with your daughter for> an hour? half and hour??

Change the locks snd "let him see " how that works for him. Bloody cf

Get a smart lock, one that you can control remotely with your phone - give him a one time PIN whwn he needs to enter. Put a ring doorbell/canera up inside your hall to be able to check the door is closed and put a ring doorbell up.

You can change the lock in a rental. You just have to either change it back when you leave or provide keys to the landlord or agent.

I tied my DD’s key to her school bag with elastic so she didn’t lose it.

Raging. Had everything sorted. Gave him what he needed for the morning visit to school to take with him when he dropped her off this morning. Told daughter to lock up and throw the front door key back in. So very clear to him this morning that I did not expect him to be coming back toy house until after he collected her. He took the front door key from her and came back to my house. I asked him straight out when I got home a while ago did he go to the coffee shop or home and he said oh I just came back here. Playing dumb. I asked him how he got in he said I took a key. I have now said directly no you can’t do that. He whinged a bit about how this is so much closer and I said so is the library and the coffee shop is even closer. He said okay sorry I just assumed and I just said yeah that’s the problem. I could not have been clearer now this afternoon so he can’t pretend next time that he didn’t realise. Absolute fucker. He knew full well he didn’t have permission to use the house. I even moved the spare key and locked an internal door so he couldn’t gain access via the back door. GAH!!!!!!! Hopefully that’s it actually sorted now!!!!

Why don't you get one of those locks that engaged when you pull the door closed behind you, without the need for a key?

I would! But it’s a rental and we can’t change the locks or door! I’m hoping I’ve been clear enough now, I mean I’ve been direct to his face so surely he won’t try going against that????? How could I have forgotten what an entitled asshole he is!!!!!!!

Did you change the Wi-Fi password?

Hes not doing anything to make her life easier, hes parenting his child. The children aren't just the mothers responsibility.

Change your Wi-Fi password.

As a precaution. I'd still put all your private stuff in your room and lock it on the days when he's due... and I'd have a big notice on the fridge. I've asked you not to come into the house... theres a cafe x mins from school and the Library... so he can't say he didn't see it.

Its a pain and I completely understand how maddening.. but you have the internal locks for the days he's taking her to school... I'd also hide the wifi box in a locked room. And if you can lock internal doors to kitchen..and loos - do that too. It wont be worth his while.

I popped back (haven't been here for a while) and saw your thread.

I've got a suggestion - that your rental agreement doesn't allow for 'strangers' (your landlord won't know him from Adam) to gain access to the property, no matter what the circumstances.
Could you approach your landlord (even for the short time you've got left here - I think I understood that this was a short term rental) and ask for the locks to be changed as you can't be sure that he didn't get a 'spare' cut during the time he had the key and some time to kill or say to the landlord a white lie that you're sorry but your Ex lost the keys during the time he was looking after his daughter and you need to get the locks replaced now. No one else need know what has happened.

Re rentals. You CAN change the lock, as long as you give the agent/landlord a key. You’re supposed to put the original back in, cost us £20 to swap out 2 barrels. Do you think he might have made a copy?