To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

[colachive]

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

What a parent 'wants' for their adult daughter is entirely irrelevant, because the adult daughter is a grown woman and the only thing that matters is what she wants.

If someone doesn't want their 21 year old dating a man 10 years older than her, that's very much just tough shit. You don't get to vet and control other adults' relationships based on what your preference would be. You can feel however you want to feel, but it doesn't mean it gives you any say over your adult child's choice of partner.

Exactly.

The 'brains aren't fully developed until you're 25' thing is one of Mumsnet's most annoying myths and essentially just used by posters who are intent on infantilising and controlling their grown adult children.

The 'brains aren't fully developed until you're 25' thing is one of Mumsnet's most annoying myths and essentially just used by posters who are intent on infantilising and controlling their grown adult children

It’s not a myth at all. It’s a biological fact. Look at any corresponding medical literature.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3621648/

Here’s a nice layman’s summary of brain maturation and how that works and why into mid-20’s.

No, it isn’t myth. Where are you getting your information from? Plenty of reputable and highly regarded institutions have wrote articles which have been peer reviewed as well an extensive research on this. I suggest you look into them articles to inform yourself.

A bit of an overreaction I think. If he'd said 16+ I could understand your disgust,but it's not that uncommon for a woman of 21 to go out with a bloke in his mid 30s.

Only according to the legal definition which is arbitrary, and based on nothing other than the convenience of creating a divisive line. According to science we aren’t adults until around the age of 30.

People are too hung up on the idea that you magically become an ‘adult’ at 18, and are suddenly way more clued up than you were at 17.

21 is still extremely young. I think it’s gross personally.

I’d be more put off by your partners comments about it to be honest.

Age is just a number, and if it's not hurting you why let it matter.

So 22 for a 30 year old, ok.
37 for a 60 year old though 😅

So how old should women be before they are able to choose a sexual partner?

Probably the age of the haters, to ensure they are not some unfair competition or something 😂

It is, it's an arbitrary point to say that suddenly people are able to make "adult" decisions. The brain continues to develop through most of your life, through expeince largely, and a 50 year old will in many ways make better decisions and have more insights than a 30 year old.

But we aren't telling people of 30 they aren't competent to make serious decisions about marriage, sex, having kids, or career.

And really, are you going to say that 21 year olds aren't of an age to make those kinds of decisions?

I don't really think about that. Although for many it seems to be because they wouldn't find that interesting, or wouldn't have.

No - maybe it's not the same but I'm a woman in my 30s and regularly get early 20s men coming on to me. I'm married so wouldn't go there - but these young women are consenting/swiping match so what's the issue?

I never said people are suddenly able to make “adult decisions”. I was talking about the actual physical brain stops developing at 25, as in that’s the time most brains have fully developed and this is the age that is mostly recognised as being a fully formed human. You’re talking about making decisions based on experience. I was not talking about that. It would be pretty stupid of me to say that our brains never stop developing when we grow neurons throughout our life.

Completely disagree with you saying a 50 year old will make better decisions and have a better insight in life than a 30 year old. Where is this evidence? Surely it would depend on life experience? I know many 50 year olds who live very sheltered lives and have very limited insight to that of a well cultured 30 year old. Many older people still make stupid decisions.

I don’t think you’ve actually read any of my
previous posts but I said originally a 21 year old is an adult. So yes, there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex. So I suggest you read before banging about how a 50 year old can make better choices than a 30 year old and has more insight because you are frankly wrong.

It’s your partner that suggested this…

My dad was 12 years older than my mum and also became her carer.

It’s gross and I would’ve lost my shit at him too. And people saying what is the issue, the issue is 21 and 35 are very very different in terms of naturist and life experience. And also if you’re 35 you shouldn’t be into the same things as a 21 year old, like going out all the time and stuff?

21 and 35 are very very different in terms of naturist

I am not sure what you are actually trying to say here? 😂

also if you’re 35 you shouldn’t be into the same things as a 21 year old, like going out all the time and stuff?

you are absolutely right. As a 35 yo woman, I was into knitting and gardening, with purple rinse in my hair 🙄

😂 😂😂 always women hating other women eh?? to be clear I am annoyed at my DP and his friend for being lecherous middle aged men, and it gives me the ick. I’m not jealous of the younger women, for the privilege of having a man child (who’s just been left by his very successful career focused wife) using them to nurse his ego. If they are attracted to him, great. I suspect they will see him as slightly pathetic.

I was 32 when I met my partner who was 22 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was 22 thirty years ago and my mum was still making my packed lunch.

It’s not a myth at all. It’s a biological fact. Look at any corresponding medical literature.

It's not a biological fact. The only significance of 25 is that was the age cut off of the study subjects.