Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

Not sure why your bank would stop all payments.... I would be very concerned about a marker

My bank freezes my account if they suspect fraud, but they always unfreeze it when i ring them and say it was me who made the transaction

I also run a tutoring business and I do remind clients, but those who need reminders are not good clients. I just see it as a necessary evil.

If a client asked me to remind them in a couple of days due to their financial problems, I would really be quite miffed to be treated like their mummy (but I’d do it anyway because I need the money) – but I can see why a therapist would want to draw firmer boundaries with their clients given the personal nature of therapy.

I also wonder about the payment deadline / conditions. For me I get paid monthly/termly by clients for weekly lessons recurring through the year, so since it’s an ongoing contractual relationship, there is a certain leeway for late payments. If your bookings with the therapist are “ad hoc” packages (even if you are a regular client), generally there’s less leeway for late payment.

Also if she’s charging deposits, the point is to secure your slot and save a whole lot of follow up hassle on her end for non paying clients. So asking her to “hold” the slot for you FOC/free of charge (effectively defeating the purpose of a deposit!! And could also mean if you flake out, she loses business from other clients who can follow thru without financial problems) AND asking her to mother hen you (currently a non client as it stands) is way too much.

The deposit is a PRE booking measure to screen out potential non payers, but you are asking to be treated like a POST booking client now.

Her tone isn't harsh but she's telling you no, remind yourself.

I understand that you get payment reminders, and that you yourself send payment reminders, but shes telling you that she doesn't.

It's really not a big deal for you because it's just 1 thing for you. For her, it could be a much bigger list of things to remember. You don't know her accounting system, you dont know how many clients she sees, you dont know her personal life.

If youd said "if I forget, please don't hesitate to remind me" that's 1 thing, but you basically tried to assign your task (payment) to her. It's your task, remind yourself.

And yes, you are infantalizing yourself when you asked. Why else would another adult ask another adult to remind them of their adult responsibility?

What are ‘cha cows’??

I think the op wrote “chances” which was auto corrected.

She was polite, it’s weird that you would ask her to remind you instead of doing it yourself.

What are you like?? I can’t work you out, but thankfully, I don’t have to! Unhelpful? You? Yes!
Hasn’t anyone ever heard of a good old-fashioned desk diary? I am not tech-shy and I have all the usual stuff stored on my laptop and phone and work from those. However, I also have an A4 week-to-two pages diary open on my kitchen worktop and all my appointments are there. I just check it when I go to bed at night to see what my appts are for the next day. It’s never let me down yet!

The only 'tone' that is wrong here is yours. As a businesswoman, you set boundaries when you ask for payment for services rendered. She is doing the same. YOU owe HER money. Set a reminder and deal with it. If someone didn't pay you, you would be withing your rights to cancel your contract with them. With your attitude, should she do the same to you, you could hardly be surprised. Your debt is YOUR responsibility.

Thanks! I am particularly old today! It happens sometimes!

It took me a little while too so I’ll join Team Old! 😂

Personally if my bank account has frozen I'd be making a note of all my due payments to make sure I didn't forget any when it was unfrozen.
Her tone was fine. I dont see how on earth she can set automated reminders for an issue that was yours. She probably doesn't have an automated system that scans her account for payments related to upcoming appointments. So YABVU.

Well.... I can see why you need a therapist. What you do or don't do in your business is up to you, but this therapist isn't your mum to chase after you. think of it as part of your therapy to set your reminders, which incidentally would have taken less time than to message her to ask her to remind you, then log in here and bother us with your nonesense.

I find your tone rather snarky and unpleasant.

Also just to add on to my previous post – she is rightly sending you a message that she is not fussed if you don’t book the slot because you’re not a reliable / ideal client. Not in any moral way but just a practical sense. That’s what deposits are there for – to screen out who is actually a paying client and who is just a time-waster! (Time wasters also include people who require reminders, follow ups, etc to pay)

If you’d paid the deposit you’d have secured the slot and would then actually BE a client of hers, so she would probably follow up with you for remaining payments (the actual fee). Again as it stands, you are currently a non client with no current business relationship with her, so she’s rightly not willing to go the extra mile.

If she really needed every drop of business she would of course, but good for her that her business is doing okay enough that she can set her own reasonable terms.

So you can remind your clients but are apparently incapable of reminding yourself??

I don't see anything wrong with her tone at all. But if I was her I would quite irritated by you asking her to remind you about payment. The responsibility is wholly on you to pay her and it would take seconds for you to put a reminder on your phone. Plus what you are asking makes no logical sense - you are the one with the banking issue so you are in a position to check when that is resolved. She could send you a reminder in say 3 days but then what? Would you expect her to keep sending you reminders until your issue is sorted out? That would be ridiculous!

So she sends you a reminder in 3 days asking for payment....and your bank is still frozen, so you ask her to remind you again a few days after that....etc etc.

You'll know when your bank is unfrozen, she won't. How about when it's unfrozen you think to yourself "Now what payments did I miss making? 🤔" and catch up with them there and then? It's not her job to mother you.

I call that auto-incorrect!

Cha cows don't actually exist (to the best of my knowledge), so I think it's an issue with that bottom row of letters being so close to the space bar and not looking at what ends up on the screen.

Anyway, I digress.

@ThePerkyCoralPoet I hope you are deep in contemplation. It's tough to learn that we're thoroughly in the wrong. It requires emotional intelligence. If you've managed to take it on board, give yourself a pat on the back.

If not, keep contemplating.

Reminding a client who’s overdue is basically calling them out for being a dick. Not the same.

Ok fyi it wasn’t me who made the payment r

Of all the things on this thread to reply to

Weird, right??

Do you think she's been held hostage and this is some sort of attempt to communicate with the outside world?

@ThePerkyCoralPoet Blink ONCE for YES and TWICE for NO.

Are you okay?
Do you need us to send help?

I have to go to work. Sorry I don’t have 24 hours to browse Mumsnet and reply to 12 plus pages of absolute codswallop!