Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

You were already failing your responsibility by not paying the deposit on time, as agreed.

She graciously agreed to keep your appointment despite your payment delay.

Why should she also have to remind you to make (an already delayed) payment?

I'd be mortified

She's busy and doesn't want to waste time chasing up your payment. I can't see any more to it than that.

Pretty rich to ask her to remind you! Her tone to you was fine, perhaps too nice if anything.

You sound disorganised and dependent. Surely you must have a schedule or list of things to do and money to pay up.. If not, sort it out - don't expect others to manage your life.

Put a note in your online calendar to remind you to pay her in a few days.

She shouldn’t have to remind you again, that’s making work for her.

You are in the wrong and won't accept it.

Anyone who makes their living through getting paid by individuals has dozens of tales of people's creative ways of not paying, dragging out payment so they hope the provider forgets, etc.

After a few experiences like that, you start to take defensive measures. Yes, perhaps this person has just had their bank account frozen, but that happens a lot less than just having no money in it.

And, as kindly as I can put this, people who are in therapy do not always, overall-and-on-average-and-this-doesn't-say-anything-about-you-individually, have their fingers firmly on the pulse of their finances. Your therapist will have a list of people who owe her money as long as her arm.

I think the tone of the message is perfectly placed, given the relationship. She is your therapist. She puts up with whatever you might throw at her in the therapy session, but she doesn't have to put up with you not paying. Her job is to help you to change something in your life, and there's something about breaking eggs to make an omelette about that sort of relationship.

So she is probably aware that you can sense that her teeth were very slightly gritted as she wrote that message, and that's OK. It's not the same as if you're booking a hotel or some other lovely discretionary consumer purchase.

Youve asked for opinions, 98% of people think you are wrong, and you keep arguing the toss! Just accept you are wrong to be offended ffs

I would say your message was being more difficult, asking to be reminded. That is your responsibility not hers. She could simply cancel your appointment if not paid in appropriate timescale.

You really need to discuss this with her.

She's maintaining the professional framework of the therapy agreement, continuing to expect you to uphold your part of it by being responsible for payment, and you are getting upset by that.

Why is it so hurtful to you that she refused to take ownership of your problem for you? It seems you don't like that you asked her to do you a favour (send a reminder) and she refused and instead provided a solution for you to be self sufficient. Do you have other people in your life who you think rely on you to be too self sufficient or do too many favours for them without them paying you back?

This is a you problem. She is not your mother and if every client of hers asked for additional reminders it would take up so much time. If you do it for clients that’s on you and I think she is entitled to use which ever system she chooses, if you have an issue with the process then I suggest you find a different therapist?

You can change your vote. Just click on the other option.

Sorry op i also think you are in the wrong.

You are late with a deposit, thats your issue.

Her tone not only sounds fine, its very friendly

OP: am I misreading her tone
Whole of mn: YES yabu, set your own reminder
OP: angry at everyone, don’t be ridiculous, I’m doing nothing wrong
🤨🤨🙄🙄

I bet your therapist has no chance of misreading YOUR tone OP. I’m surprised she still sees you tbh.
Grow up and sort yourself out.

It's fine she's setting a boundary, set a reminder/alarm on your phone it's not difficult

Would you still want her to remind you if she charged up you for her additional time in doing so?

If i missed a deposit for a service i would get a stern reminder to pay.

She wrote "hope nothing serious is wrong" and put a kiss.

And you think her tone is too harsh?

YABVVU - the therapy is not working!!

I think you should discuss this whole issue with your therapist if you remember to pay .
When you owe someone money it's up to you to pay it. Receiving a reminder should be embarrassment enough. Believing that the onus to send a reminder is on them is completely arse over tit.
Saying the chance of you remembering is slim to none is YOUR problem to fix, not your therapists.

You have one therapist that you have to pay. She will have lots of clients - if she had to remind a percentage of them to pay she would be creating unnecessary work for herself. She is just placing the responsibility to remember rightly back with you.

Your problem is with the bank.
She has reminded you, you asked her to remind you again! This isn’t her job. Set a reminder on your phone.

OP you seem to be getting quite angry with everyone who disagrees with you, even though you explicitly asked for our opinion. It’s all good material to take to therapy!

At this rate, she'll never come back out.

Therapist is gonna be rich, rich, RICH (if OP can remember to pay her).

you're the one being overly dramatic.

you asked therapist to remind you to pay.
they said no, set yourself a reminder and they will reply in receipt of that.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with therapist saying this.

Paying is your responsibility. It’s your bank. Your money.

if you don’t pay, you don’t get the service.
the length of time you’ve been going or that you are a business person yourself is of absolutely no consequence.

edit: so yes. You’re misreading the tone. Therapist has been quite professional. Sorry you don’t agree with that

It’s a very over dramatic response.

No it isn't. Your request was OTT.

You asked if you are misreading tone - the unanimous answers on here is 'Yes' to your Q - but you are doubling down.

Why ask the Q if you dont want the answer.

I suspect this will be fertile ground to explore in your next session.

I am guessing that you had/have a jarring / difficult relationship with one of your parents and this interaction has disproportionately triggered you and you are unconsciously looking to your therapist to be the a better 'parent' to you by sorting this for you. Its called transference.

You really really need to talk to her in the next session about the feelings her response about the reminder sparked in you. The solution to this problem is figuring out what’s behind your reaction, not getting validation or rejection of your reaction from Mumsnet.