To not tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD money?

[GrandparentsPocketMoney]

My parents have told me I have to tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD (aged 10 almost 11) pocket money each week because they already feel sidelined and now they know Ex-PIL give her money as well they can’t and DD will always now choose Ex-PILs over them.

ExH lives with his parents, so DD spends 40% of her time with them (5 nights a fortnight). They give all their grandchildren (ExHs siblings have DC) half their age as pocket money or if they’re under 7 as sweets or magazines. So DD gets £5 a week off them (going up to £5.50 when she turns 11) they give this to DD in cash and she then brings it home she insists my house is home and ExHs/Ex-PILs house is dads/grandparents but that's a whole other thread and I put it onto her debit card (she has an account similar to GoHenry included with my bank account). I also top this money up by £5 a week so she gets £10 a week total.

My parents think I should ask Ex-PILs to not give DD money and let them give it instead. They feel she gets too much pocket money already so can’t give her more on top. I’ve offered to cut mine so they can give it instead but they still think Ex-PIL need to “back off” as they have other GC and they don’t (my siblings don’t want DC and I don’t want anymore) so they have other opportunities to be Grandparents whereas they don’t. They also think Ex-PILs already have a better deal with being grandparents than them (my parents) because they live in DDs other home so she’s more likely to choose them over my parents because they think she has a better relationship with them.

I told them to tell Ex-PILs themselves but apparently it’ll sound better coming from me as they have only met them a couple of times.

For added context DD doesn’t spend more than £4 a week unless she really wants something which annoys my parents even more because they think if that’s the case then I can save what I give her for her future and Ex-PILs can just use their money on their other GC. I personally don’t think we can tell Ex-PILs how/when to spend their own money – ExH pays me CM so that’s as far as my relationship with him/his family and money goes. I also already save for her future but this is just her money for now to do as she wishes. Last time I checked her account she had over £100 sitting there (she sometimes asks me to take the money off and save it in my bank and send it back to her when she wants it which I do she normally only ever asks for a few £)

AIBU to not to speak as Ex-PILs to stop giving DD money?

Your parents need to mind their own business and cop on with the jealousy.

Your parents are being ridiculous. It’s none of their business. It’s v kind of exPILs (and lovely that they treat all GCs equally.

They are being totally ridiculous.

How would your parents feel if the ex’s parents dictated how they should spend their money and how much they should give their granddaughter?
I imagine they would feel it was none of their business, just as what the ils do is none of theirs.

I think that your parents are out of order. Your DD has another set of GPs and a father active in her life and this is how they do things. It’s ridiculous of them to think they need to compete and your DD will suffer if they continue that line of thinking. It’s none of their business and their own relationship with their GD is theirs to manage!

Tell me you aren’t entertaining this?

They can give your DD what they want.

their jealousy is insane and the only person losing out is your daughter

YANBU. Your parents are being absolutely ridiculous!

Sorry I voted the wrong way around, meant to say YANBU.

Your parents need to focus on building a genuine connection and not treat life as a competition.

If they want to give her money but feel she gets too much/enough already, they could put it in a savings account for her to get when she turns 18 ,or 21. It'll seem a much bigger deal getting a lump sum then.

Shut it right down - they have no say over what happens at her dad’s house and in his time.

Tell them to put it in a bank account for the kids then give to to them in a lump sum for something like a car etc when kids older.

I think it would be unreasonable to ask ex pil to stop giving money.

suggest quality time instead. My dd loves her grandmother who spends the least on her because they do arts and crafts together and walk the dog

Doesn’t read like they’ve thought how it would affect your DD being the only grandchild to be singled out and not given pocket money like the rest of her cousins?
Also, kudos for having a kid that doesn’t instantly spend their pocket money on sweets - mine is awful for it 😂

Its nothing to do with your parents

Your parents are incredibly unreasonable.
They have no right interfering in the relationship between your DD and her other GP's, it's probably pure jealousy, which is never good, and your DD won't thank you as the messenger if you say anything either.

There's absolutely no reason that your DP's can't open an account and put in money for your DD and then hand it over when she's 16 or 18.

My ds has no grandparents to give him pocket money, do your dps want a boy grandchild?

they are being so ridiculous it is untrue, dd will value them for reasons other than cash!

tell them to knock itvout and to either give dd cash/put in acct for future or buy subscription to a magazine or such if they want to gift to dd, but a bit of cash when they visit is quite usual, does dd visit ur dps? It’s just she visits ex pils weekly for now (that may change as she ages)

So they think their grandchild is going to be really impressed when her grandparents stop giving her money because the others said she gets too much. What a loving way to treat someone.

as others have said, they need to either save for her in an account which is then gifted later or let you stop your money and give instead of you. They also need to work on their own connection with her. It’s not a competition, the more people someone has in their life to love them and treat them the better.

Same here!

@Ilovethewild ExH lives with Ex-PILs so she sees them 5 times a fortnight when she's seeing ExH, there's always at least one of them around but usually both turn up at some point during her time with ExH.

We visit my parents once a fortnight usually, I know it's not the same as 5 times a fortnight Ex-PILs see her but I can't live with my parents again just to make it "fair".

Your parents are being weird…none of their business what the other GP’s give.

It is absolutely none of your parents business what the other set of grandparents do. They need to get over themselves, it sounds very childish. They sound like primary school children ‘do you like them better than me.’

You know your dps are being ridiculous. Tell them to get over themselves. Your ex pils are allowed to treat your dd.

Honestly, it's none of your mum's business how much pocket money you ex-PILs give to your daughter. Your mum can give your daughter pocket money if she wants, but she can't control or expect you to control what your PILs are doing.

She sounds quite bitter. Has she alwayts been like this?

My youngest DGD other grandparents are way wealthier than me. It has never affected my relationship with her. She’s not that shallow! Are they suggesting that your DD is?

Your parents are bonkers, remind them you have absolutely no right to dictate what happens when she is with her other parent and they need to stop being so ridiculous.