Evil MIL

[Warmsunnyday1]

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

FIL for me..MIL just follows his lead so i guess she is not better. One time they had a go at me because I didn’t want them to take my son abroad to raise him for a few years so i can go back to work full time and we can get out of financial difficulties faster…abroad meaning the other side of the world to a country i cant visit cause visa was recejected…

MIL put a fake cancer diagnosis on SM because a family member stopped talking to her, then removed it when work colleagues started with the concerned messages. It makes my soul cringe. I agree that it's bad people though, not inherently MILs.

Three sides.

1 party’s. The other party. And the truth.

What a weird point of view about not being able to stand the pile on that you get on these threads as you only get one side of the story. It's not really a pile on if the person in question isn't on this thread so isn't being hurt by it or even aware of it in any way. People giving their own experiences of difficult MILs aren't hurting their MILs by posting on here because their MIL's are completely unaware.

You are determined to disbelieve the OP because you know a DIL who did exaggerate and twist everything.

There are loads of threads started by vulnerable OPs in difficult situations where there is a genuine pile on which the OP doesn't deserve at all and is often driven off her own thread after getting quite distressed. I haven't noticed you objecting to those sorts of pile ons which upset an actual person seeking help and support.

Mine went for me and my child with a complete lack of reality. Blames both of us for being abused by her aggressive, drunken son.

I am in the process of leaving my husband to protect our child, after a horrific campaign of domestic abuse.

My mil is hard work but she's not evil.

She emigrated when ds was 7 days old and was crying all the time while staying with us because dh was not taking her for dinner and making the most of his last week with her. I think that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Her could of taken her dinner I guess but rather than make her expectations know and picking a better time to leave or better place to stay She just cried as that's her go to get her way.

She has zero awareness of others feelings because hers comes first. So if dh wanted to get to know his newborn and look after me and be tired from the newborn? She cried. What about her?

I do think if you highly emotional and prone to lashing out with emotional displays and lots of "why do you love x more than me?" People are too scared to pull that behaviour up and then they expect it. It's not a mil thing. It's a personality thing.

What bugs me so much about these stories is that it is honestly not that difficult to be a decent mother-in-law. Mine was an absolute angel - kind, supportive of me, willing to see both sides of things and take my side when dh was in the wrong - and bollock him firmly too. She didn't interfere, but offered advice when asked, and was involved in our children's lives. Frankly, she was more of a mum to me than my own mum, and even though it is several years since she died, I still miss her so much.

I'm a MIL now - all three of my dses have partners, and one is married with children, so I am being the MIL that my MIL was - I love all three of my sons' partners, and value them for the wonderful people they are and for the love they have for my sons. I offer advice if asked, and I make sure I am supportive of their decisions. My married son also has children, and obviously they are doing some things differently as parents than dh and I did - guidelines have changed, and new methods have been introduced - so I make sure they know that I respect their decisions.

Even if the relationship with their partners was horrible, I would still stick by my principles, and be the best MIL I was allowed to be - in the hopes of making the relationship better, and so as not to alienate my dses.

My MIL is lovely. Yes she does things slightly differently to me but she’s always respectful and deserves my respect for raising my husband who I love. I’ve also never had any problems with the mothers of other men I’ve had long term relationships with. I think of course some are going to be horrible but I bet most mothers of sons are just normal people who get a bad rap.

Lovely :) my ex’s mother was a wonderful wonderful lady, firm friends with my mother as well and have lots of happy memories, my now husband is a better man though 😅

think how more tedious it is for DIL to actually have to put up with these women?

It should be simple, don't treat your DIL any differently as you would treat the daughter of a friend. OFFER help, but why on earth would you demand to be treated as the mother, demand the right to "A cuddle" with a newborn, demand to see children when you feel like it, demand the right to criticise and have opinion on their lives and choices, demand demand demand and sulk.

Until these MIL think they have a role to play in another woman's life - when her only mistake if to marry their son - these threads will carry on.

You can have sons and not be the MIL from hell. Just know your place, it's not that hard, and like with your own children, adapt and go with the flow.

When I was about 17 my ex’s mum was evil. Not my MIL (THANK YOU GOD), but almost was.

It was a hot day and he wanted to go swimming. I didn’t have my costume, and to drive to mine to get it would have been a pain. His mum said oh no I have some old ones you might fit. Sweet right? This was the first time I had properly met her so I didn’t know she was insane.

She was on the bigger side but she’d had children so that’s normal. I assumed she meant old ones from pre kids. At the time I was a 6/8. She comes to me with MATERNITY costumes and said “they might be a bit tight on the belly but you should get in them”. I tried them on to prove a point because no way are you calling me fat to my face like that when I’m not.

She did many other things, but this one always stuck in my mind as she was genuinely suprised they were too big… mind you I don’t know if that was part of her mind games or what. My ex would constantly apologise for her behaviour and eventually went no contact and left the country. She was very emotionally incestuous with him and really inappropriate and touchy feely… I do genuinely feel for him and hope he got the help he needed even tho he did a few bad things to me.

Current in laws are great love them so much and they have never called me fat which is nice.

Let me guess: she is loud, financially comfortable, haven't worked much in her life, always moaning about everything, can't stand other people, wears a lot of make up and perfume, loves showing of her home and new purchases, no clue about other peoples financial struggles, no sympathy for other peoples health/mental problems, completely disregards what other people think or feel, makes sarcastic comments but she actually means it, calculating and manipulating, have no boundaries, loves drama, blow things out of proportion, try and turn your kids and husband against you, make people feel small and insignificant, cold eyes/empty gaze, looks miserable, asks questions but don't listen to your answers, don't check what your plans are-just tells you when things are going to happen, have no friends only enemies, IT'S ALL ABOUT HER!!!

I hear you. It's very hard to stop 'walking on eggshells' every day when throughout all your young life/teenage years, this was the norm. I'm mid 50s now and still feel it.

OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby and can only imagine what you've had to tolerate afterwards. There cannot possibly be a worse scenario. 💐

Don't read or post of them then. You are correct that MILs aren't a separate species that is more horrible than other people, but as this is a forum predominantly used by mums in the thick of parenting, many of those with difficult MILs will post on here for advice and support.

My MIL was dreadful to me after I lost my mum in my early twenties. It was as though she didn't need to bother to be nice any more as she was the only grandmother my children had. As a result of this, I've made a lot of effort to be a kind and supportive MIL to my two DILs.

What an utterly dreadful and cruel thing for your MIL to do. I can just imagine the heart stopping moment when you woke up and found the Moses basket empty.

Wow, thats spot on (apart from the make up) but… do you know her? 😂🤯🤯 100% financially comfortable (lives off her husband) shows off new purchases, no clue about others struggles and life experiences, complete disregard for others YES! Sarcastic comments sometimes leave me thinking is she doing this on purpose or is she genuinely that dumb? Blows things out of proportion YES! Cold empty eyes yes! Sometimes she will just stare right through you and you can feel the judgment! Doesnt check what plans are just TELLS you, YES! I once had to leave without my son be because she had “planned to take him out and I was to call back later” tackled her on this and she made my life hell, accused me of all sorts, pulled her daughter in with her because how dare i treat her mother poorly , im sorry but it was all crazy .

No point saying it here - this is MN, it is all about 'boundaries' and telling both sets of parents to FO - natural and in-laws. Saying how toxic they are, how they can't wash dishes properly and they should hurry up and die and let the posters inherit asap. If they don't hurry up and die, perish the thought, their savings will spent on care homes.

My now ex-MIL is awesome, best MIL ever and still a good friend. Best grannie ever too. All round fabulous human being.

It's a shame she's awful to you OP.

My xh had the evil mil experience, ie it was my dm.

When you come from a normal family it's a shock to meet a mother who enjoys emotionally hurting their dc. (She was good to him though as she sucks up to all men)

It's obviously not the only thing that ended my marriage, but it was very hard for him to see me be treated that way. She'd also trained my dsis to be cruel to me.

I'm now very low contact with both of them so any future partner of mine won't be exposed to it.

Oh dear, really? Perish the thought some people actually have to go through hell and back because of their MIL’s. Inheritance? Really, is that how your mind set really works? Thats a shame, my mindset is that family should love and respect each other whilst they are alive, and i tried so so hard with MIL, but she was just not of the same thought process.

I think the best mil’s are those who have raised their dc to be fully independent and crucially let them go.

I remember my db mentioning to my dm that he may go to work in a different EU country. Her response was unhinged. ‘What about me? When will I see you? You can’t do that.’
She also rang him on Mother’s Day to reprimand him for the lack of a card. My sil answered and dm started on her, sil, cool as a cucumber, replied, I sent my dm a card, I’ll pass you over to your ds.’

Funnily enough she never tried it on with my other db’s dw( now ex) she bullied my dm horribly and dm was frankly scared stiff ( as were my db and niece and nephews).

My own mil was mostly a good woman, she was however very biased to her youngest dc and that made things difficult between the cousins.

I’m obviously a lucky one then as I love my in-laws, me & my DH have a child together but I have DC from a previous relationship, they consider all the children as their DGC, visit them, take them to appointments as we both work full time, they get them presents for birthdays and Xmas which I don’t expect them to but they never leave my children out,
we are actually all going away this weekend and we have paid for the in-laws as a treat for everything they do for us,
it’s my DH brother & SIL we have issues with their jealousy over the relationship so we haven’t seen them in 2 years

My mum fell out with my grandmother after my mum had a second still birth and my granny said that she hoped that my mum had finished with 'this nonsense', i.e. trying to have a second child. My mum never forgave her and although she didn't try and stop me going with my dad to see her, I never really wanted to go.

I'm very sorry for your loss.