Evil MIL

[Warmsunnyday1]

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

Some of us all will be MILs one day; I will do my best to be a good one, my dcs are just little.
Dh is estranged from his dm (nothing to do with me, it was his childhood trauma/years of issues), so I no longer have one. She wasn't very nice though, didn't ask me one question about myself in years, would make little bitchy/passive aggressive comments. She was a bit strange. When I graduated from university, my grandparent died, something bad happened to one of my parents, she didn't mention it. Dh, and I had been together for years and she didn't even know if I had siblings it was awful. Then I realised why would she treat me well, when she didn't even treat her own son well.
I've seen some lovely MILs, I used to work with one, and I wished so much that she was my MIL! We had lovely little chats, and she knew more about me than my actual MIL. Her DIL wasn't very nice, I met her, and she made no effort. The lovely lady had her son & DIL for loads of meals and Christmas etc, baby sat all of the time, and no effort was made back. I bought the lady a necklace for her birthday, and she loved it, and said it was just her taste; DIL had not got her anything.
It's almost as if the good DILs have rubbish MILs, and vice versa! I know there are exceptions to the rule obviously as well.

Sorry, I must have misunderstood you, as you are saying - your mindset is love and respect, wherever did I get that nonsense from? Must have confused your post with somebody else's, that is what it is. Because love and respect is what oozes from your post. Apologies.

Mine is a huge factor in my divorce. I’m sorry that she has “won” but not sorry I will never have to hear, see or speak to her again. Or display the contents of endless boxes of shite she sends to our home.

She’s absolutely mental. Ex can’t stand her either to be fair, but she has damaged him so much emotionally over the decades. She’s absolutely vile.

Like I’ve said time and time again on this post, good people get tired as well. You can only try so much and if the other person is not on the same wavelength there is no point.as someone else said a relationship is 2 sided, but with a narcissist its one sided. There is just nothing you can do.

So sorry @FancyCatSlave It's true we marry the whole family not just the man. Hope you get some lovely new people in your life.

You shoehorn inheritance into every thread about difficult MILs, when it has no relevance whatsoever and you gloss over all the examples of poor behaviour by these MILs as though they are automatically deserving of deference and respect from their DILs. I very much doubt that OP is expecting any inheritance from her MIL. Why on earth would she?

Certainly not, my parents taught me to row my own boat.

Mine isn’t speaking to me because her son cheated on me and then went AWOL for a month 🤣

😳I mean you must have done something to her poor son to feel he just HAD to do that (I am so sorry he did that to you) xx

if your son and his wife have to start talking about "boundaries", let me break it to you: you have already gone way too far.

It sounds like you are a MIL, you had your life, time to let your kids live their own? Surely happy and independent children is the best a parent can wish for?
Get a hobby and a job if it's that hard to let go.

You must be a slattern for sure!

Sorry about your partner, but good riddance to your MIL from hell.

Yep. When my dch were old enough, they started to challenge some of the nasty things MIL said to me. That shut her up!

Quite, so @Hwi lets take my example about my MIL snatching our baby from his moses basket in the middle of the night. I should not need to explain to any other reasonable adult that it was a crossed boundary, any other reasonable adult could see that it was something not acceptable and should not be done. But explaining it to MIL, made me a massive problem in her eyes. Like this poster has said if your son and DIL are talking about boundaries you have already gone too far.

Do you not understand that just perhaps, there could be both twat MILs and twat DILs out there? Do you not think that there might be tiny chance of that? Rather than only twat DILs because that’s what you have allegedly experienced?

Sit tight for this: sometimes people are twats. I know, right?!

When I read these stories I'm so glad for my late dmil, dh and I used to joke that if we split up my dm would take his side and dmil mine. She had the mil from hell(nobody liked her not even my fil) and told me that if she started acting like that to pull her upon it😀

If you read on further, you'll see I've said exactly that. MILs/DILs/SILs....whoever! It's the "woe is me!" SM posts that usually indicates to whom the blame should lie.

I honestly didn't think my MIL was that bad until I was pregnant/gave birth. The way she speaks and talks to me in my own house about my own child is infuriating. It's always when DH isn't there and when I let him know what happened or ask him to have a word it's always that I'm overreacting or oversensitive

That comment really doesn’t make any sense

Three sides 😄 DIL's side, MIL's side and the truth being somewhere in the middle, along with the poor bloke who is the husband of one and the beloved son of the other. 🤐

My MIL definitely comes across as evil. She cuts off and bullies people one at a time. Including her children. Then she brings them back in to the fold by love bombing them before starting on the next. She does it so that they fall out with her I think. That way she can play the victim.

She lies about people to make herself look like a martyr. If she does something nice for you, it’s probably so she can tell other people how you take advantage of her. Three of her adult children don’t see her. One is still technically a child and the other is the second youngest so has only been targeted once so far, and she still lives with her.

She truly doesn’t seem to have any feelings, but she is so damaging to her adult children, who still just want their mum to love them, my DP prefers to be LC over NC because they feel sad to not have her in their lives. I find her to be an emotional vampire but she doesn’t get to me, just feel sorry for her children

I think poster is trying to say that being a mil in itself does not make you a bad person, you can be a bad person and not be a MIL :) . I do think that there is something in some MIL’s such as insecurities/control issues etc that makes them unpleasant when another woman enters her sons life. So if the woman in question was not her DIL she probably wouldn’t be giving that woman a hard time, she would be treating her in a respectful manner.

In my experience, very few people are ‘evil’, yet so many MILs are alleged to be. It’s all a bit black and white.

Mine is fine. Not particularly interested in me, and I have no idea if she particularly likes me, but that’s not something I care about. We have a civil, fairly surface relationship. She’s not a very warm person, but she raised my DH and is a decent DGP to DC, so all’s well.

My ‘evil’ MIL is nearly 50s so not necessarily true

I am in the midst of separating from my husband of almost 8 years and I won't miss my MIL. She's not that bad, I know she doesn't like me though. It doesn't seem really personal though, she's rude to a lot of people, including wait staff, she's an absolute horror to them!

I did dodge a bullet when I was younger, an ex boyfriend's mother was horrible to me. I was taking her golden child away from her. I am still on fairly amicable terms with that ex who is now married and I hope she's nicer to his wife than she was to me.

Mine hasn’t been the easiest to get along with. People who don’t know her very well think she’s wonderful. She gives you apple tart and pavlova and cups of tea and there’s plenty of banter. But she treats her family like shit and that includes me. She has a revisionist view of history and gaslights everyone left, right and centre. ‘But I was only saying ..’ is her stock phrase after she starts absolute carnage. At one point 3 of her 5 children were having nothing to do with her and she was, of course, the victim. I remember years ago a priest was visiting. He was there as a friend rather than on ‘official business’😅 Needless to say, she made a right fuss of him. I was pacing about in the kitchen trying to settle DS1 and he came in and grabbed me by the arm and said ‘That woman is a saint. A saint I tell ye’. It was like a scene from Father Ted. I almost laughed, but very quickly realised he was deadly serious. She’s the complete bloody opposite of a saint. But it just goes to show how some people can play nice or nasty at will.