Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Oh no...that's not lucky. That's you reducing your employable status whilst married to a numpty. He's going to be vile when - not if - you divorce.

Best to pull the plaster off now, before you're out of the workplace for longer.

Let him do everything on holiday and if he asks for help shrug and tell him to get on with it as you gave birth to them and have done the bulk of the care since then. Do this for 18-21 years or until he gets the message.

He’s a piece of shit. Get rid

So what you're telling us is your husband hates you and the children?

Well either he’s lying about his best mate. Or his best mate wife is having just as bad a time as you and maybe you two should unionise.

it is absolutely rancid his behaviour and you know it’s obviously rubbish. Get a job and then get rid. Nasty man

Are you helping him when you look after his kids while he does other stuff?

Your husband is an arse

He’s done it more than once, and enable him

I agree, this is a straightforward issue and the information can be found on CA's public site @Mumof22025 @S0j0urn4r : https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/child-benefit/before-you-claim/check-if-you-can-get-child-benefit/

He’s treating you like the nanny/au pair. They’re his children too, whether he pays for everything or not😐

LUCKY?!! Your husband thinks you are his personal skivvy because he pays the bills for the children he helped create.

he is the lucky one.

He will happily relax on a flight whilst you struggle with two preschoolers? There is nothing more to this apart from to say that he is an awful, selfish person.

How much family support do you have? Could you divorce him?

Definitely check re the NI. I thought mine were being covered and have just paid around £1600 to buy what was missing as it will give me more back. Divorced my husband. You should too. Or maybe give him one chance to rectify this mess.

Maybe not "hates", but he's certainly contemptuous of them.

What an arrogant wanker he is.

You need to claim child benefit to get national insurance contributions for your pension.
everyone can claim the higher earner needs to pay it back via tax.
you need it

and he is awful OP beyond aeful

You must be very new to mumsnet OP if you thought people would reply and say your husband was being reasonable. Anyone who can watch their partner struggling in any way and not help them out does not love them or respect them. Fact.

That was very kind of him taking the focus away from the screaming children by making everyone on the flight wonder why he was being such a prick.

He is an absolute fool. Just because he paid for the flight or whatever he somehow relinquishes his duties as a father? Ridiculous. I’m not sure what you can do with someone like this. I mean if that is genuinely how he thinks and he has no capacity to reason in a mature and respectful way I honestly think you’re better out than in. Otherwise I fear your self esteem will plummet and your kids will get a skewered blueprint as to how a couple should treat each other. I know life is never that simple as just leave but do reflect on what you and your kids deserve- I think it’s much better than what he’s offering.

Remind your "D"H how much money you doing full time childcare is saving you both (several thousand pounds per month in all likelihood) and also remind him of the loss of potential future earnings that you will have incurred by spending several years at home raising his children and keeping his home tidy. You aren't "not working" while he is the breadwinner, childcare IS labour, and bloody hard too. You are doing unwaged work which benefits him and if you weren't doing that work you'd both have to pay someone else to do it so you are making a significant financial contribution to the household and his belief that he "paid for the holiday" is the most egregious bullshit I've ever heard.

This probably won't make much of a difference because you have probably unfortunately married a complete twat who is using you as a slave. But on the off chance he might see reason, it's worth saying. If he doesn't take your point, LTB

This, and also look up the cost of full time nursery for 2 children for a year and compare that to the cost of the holiday and then maybe point out you've probably contributed plenty financially thank you.

If the kids aren't in school yet, so you get no free child free time when he is in work, then he isn't entitled to any extra free time than you are. Parenting should be 50:50 when he is not in work (or even, he should perhaps want to do more because he's seen them less than you have, and he's supposed to love his children, but that's unrealistic of me with this kind of man I know!).

Start asking him what his plans are for childcare during his contact time after the divorce....

What have I just read? LTB.

So he’s learnt from his best friend, probably based on their upbringing, that’s bad

He is treating you with contempt, what an absolute prick he is. I would have put one of the kids in his lap and left him to it. You need to seriously reconsider your position. Start being more assertive. When you get home get job hunting. He will be a lot less well off when he has to pay you maintenance and have his children half the time, that might focus his mind. I'm so angry on your behalf.

This isn't how marriage works. How utterly preposterous and obnoxious.