Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

If this is not a wind up, you should absolutely ditch him and the kids and get the first flight home alone for a proper holiday.

Another one joining to say that you need to protect your NI contribution. He won't be affected. You will.

Bloody hell. You’ve not been claiming child benefit? Get back to work ffs. Why do so many women put themselves in this position?

I have de-lurked to say What. A Dick.

You don't need to ask your husband. Just fill out the forms to sign up for child benefit, but opt out of receiving the money. It’s really important in order to protect your entitlement to state pension when you retire in the future.

I took 7 years out to be a SAHM and I now have a 7 year gap in credits towards my state pension. The rules were different a few years ago and SAHP were penalised.

Luckily for you the rules have now changed and you can now sign up for child benefit, but opt out of receiving the money. Then you will still get your annual pension credits until your youngest child turns 12. It could make a huge difference to the state pension amount you receive in retirement - yet takes about 10 minutes of your time to fill in the forms.

What. A. Knob.

Oh well.. if his best friend gets away with it.. then obviously that is more than enough justification for your DH to get away with it too...
And if his best friend jumped off a bridge?...

He’s awful

i have known a number of men like this over the years, they do no lift a finger when it comes to domestic / childcare responsibilities.

They are all extraordinarily wealthy and the trade off for the wives is they live lives of luxury. if they’re not arseholes in other ways then I can see why it might work but it wouldn’t be for me.

I think that would be the end of the marriage for me. It's bad enough that he doesn't parent his own children and you even needed to ask. The level of disrespect to leave you struggling and refuse to help because he paid is unbelievable.

My friend is an air steward says men like this are commonplace sadly. On every flight pretty much.

Honestly, you should go back to work and share the childcare.
Do you want to be with him?

And did the people around you on the plane not gasp loudly in shock when your husband announced that he doesn’t have to parent his own children because he paid for the holiday?

He actually said that in front of other people close by?! That’s how arrogant he is.

He thinks that because he pays for things that you are his 24/7 Nanny, Housekeeper and Sex Worker? And he gets to do jack shit outside of his 40 hours weekly work. He has zero respect for you.

WTAF!! Get rid of him. Absolutely raging just reading this.

This is the kind of nonsense a teenager comes up with. All my mates do xyz. As the mum of a teenager I say I don't care what your mates do you are doing this. And that's what your reply should be.

Ex dh surely.

Op, my dh used to tell me to relax on holiday because I did the bulk of the childcare during the year. That’s a good dh.

Yhe my DP pays for basically everything but he still parents… because he chose to have kids. Just because his job is paid and mine isn’t, doesn’t mean we don’t both work as hard. Also they really take after their farther when they act out, they definitely don’t get that from me. Paid for a fucking holiday? You birthed his children, risking your life and long term health.
I would have dumped him when he upgraded himself tbh. You’re not his wife you’re a nanny to him.

Tell him that his best friends partner might be a total door mat but you won't be treated that way. He can step up and share the parent duties or you'll be divorcing him.

Well, now you know what he thinks of you. He is the 🔆breadwinner🔆and can therefore demand that you never have a holiday, because his work earns a taxable income and yours does not.

You won't do it, but you really should get back into some paid work as soon as you can, because he doesn't value the contribution you are making to your family.

You're asking if you are BU, of course you aren't. But our opinion doesn't matter, the only opinion that matters is the 🔆breadwinner🔆and he has declared that he doesn't have to do any of the drudgery of parenting. He only has to parent when he feels like it, and he is currently on holiday. Lucky him! And lucky you for marrying such a gem!

What a dick. Is he resentful of you not working?

How does that work for me when I’m a single parent and the only wage earner?

Do I get to just not parent my DC?

I hope for your sake this isn’t real because if it is your partner has literally no respect for you at all.
You are not his equal.

If you are a SAHM then yes during the core hours of the working day, your ‘job’ is to be the full time parent and housewife and so any sickness etc it is you that needs to collect the kids, if meals need cooking during that time that is your responsibility etc.

But as soon as DH gets home, then everything is 50/50.

I would assume you do most of the cooking and cleaning during the day and do he probably doesn’t need to contribute as much but he still needs to clean in the evenings and weekends like washing up and laundry.

And of course he needs to parent HIS own children when he is not at work.
The only exception would be perhaps getting up in the night during the week or sorting them out in the mornings before work (although I still know a lot of dads who do this too).

Has he always treated you as less than him?

He’s a horrible man how mean not to help you with the children, and what arrogant reasoning. LTB.

@Mumof22025 You’re not lucky though are you? You being a SAHM has come at a huge cost . Can’t believe you and the kids sat a few rows behind whilst your “breadwinner” husband has extra leg room. Yikes.

Actually what you can do is claim it but then opt not to receive payment and this ensures your NI contributions are paid until your kids are 12.

This is absolutely fucking insane!
And don't even get me started on the pocket money he gives you.
Get yourself a job! Even better- get one for evenings and weekends!

Don't be doormat while you're on holiday ever! Wake up one day, pack a bag and tell him while you are walking out the door that you are off for a well deserved break from the kids then take yourself off to a spa.