Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

That isn’t how my marriage works in multiple ways.

We share money. We share parenting. If someone asks for help, we help.

OP do you charge him for looking after the children?

I'm sorry you are married to such a selfish inconsiderate and entitled man. You must change the terms of this "partnership" as he is taking you for granted and not treating you as an equal. It is not fair.

Paying for shit, doesn't mean you don't have to be a parent.

He should pay you for your cleaning and cooking services if he wants to go down this route.

This man doesn't like you or his kids.

You can choose if this is all you want from life.

I cannot believe this man, using the fact he paid for the holiday to not engage in parenting his own children.
I would see him in a different light after this. Lazy entitled sod.

I don't know what I find more ridiculous - the fact that men still behave this or that women need to ask whether this is unreasonable. Jeez good husbands, I mean even mediocre husbands wouldn't have behaved this way. And kindly you may benefit from some counselling if you are in any way uncertain whether that is acceptable to help you with your sense of self worth.

What a pillock. He clearly views you as the nanny, OP.

I find this hard to believe. But if it’s true, you need to LTB before your children think this sort of behaviour is anyway near normal.

This just means that as well as being a twat he also has friends who are twats. Birds of a feather...

Just leave him. I am honestly just constantly shocked by what people put up with .

I could not be with a man like this. He doesn't think much of you or your children and thinks an awful lot of himself. How can you stay with him?

I’ve literally heard it all now ! !
WTF did he say ! ! !
I actually can’t believe anyone would turn around & say that …
That would ruin my holiday…

That really is so unfair.

I assume that he will be able to relax and have a nice holiday - but it will be your job to do all the childcare. 🙄

I'm in the LTB camp......

Abusive neglectful husband and father

This can't be for real. It can't be an isolated incident either I imagine. LTB.

Whatever anyone else does is bloody irrelevant.

It's not like whether your mate got given a phone by his parents for Christmas as is you are fucking ten.

These are your children.

"He" has not paid. You are a family, and the point of marriage is in very large part to form a single economic unit for earning a living and raising children. Together, as a team. He is treating you like a servant, not a wife. A 'Nanny with a Fanny' in fact. He really does not sound like a nice man.

As the saying goes - he’s treating you like a nanny with a fanny.

I wouldn’t put up with this. He needs to step up or step out.

To be fair, he sees you as a live-in nanny, housekeeper and cleaner whom he pays for the services. Does he pay you?

The salaries would total approx £120k pa plus NI, insurance and pension plan.

Is he paying into a personal pension for you?

If this wasn't your chosen career and/or he is not in fact paying you a healthy salary, I suggest collecting all his financial information (don't tell him) and divorcing him. You'd be better off in both senses.

Have a nice holiday, anyway 🏖

I couldn’t be with a man like this Op, but if you stay with him you better start focusing on your own career.

Please have my very first LTB!! Probably one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here. Bottom of the barrel what a prick!!

Wow, I'm am actually gobsmacked...... do you work at all op? I'd consider going back to work full time if not and splitting all jobs and childcare 50/50, I'd also refuse to go on holiday with him again. What a complete and utter prick.

So what?

That just means his friend is a big an asshole as he is.

Ugh, he sounds like an unbearable prat. You must be so embarrassed to be seen with someone like that. Your children don't need to see you being valued so little.