Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Even if he earns more than the threshold for child benefit you need to claim it to ensure you get the credits towards your pension. He will just have to pay it back.

Don’t let him tell you you are not eligible.

Yeah, his earnings. Not yours. You can claim it. He has to pay it back through his tax return, not you. That’s money for you. It also ensures your pension by covering national insurance for the years you don’t work.

If you don’t want to actually receive the money, you can still claim child benefit for the purposes of protecting your nation insurance contributions but as for a no award; they don’t send the money but you still have an active claim and get the national insurance credits.

Really though, you’ve picked the wrong man. He isn’t a good man; not with the attitude he has. It’s up to you what you do now that you know he isn’t a good man.

Wow you seem amazingly passive. You are a sahm and have been for years but you’ve no idea about your own national insurance or pension. You are being treated like a servant and you’re saying you’re ‘lucky’’! Er how? Get yourself a job, pension and make him pay child support when you get a divorce, he will be worse off. Although he sounds like someone who will do his best to grt
out of it. How embarrassing that he dis that in public as well, I bet other people felt bad for you.

And who supports your husbands to earn enough to support you all? That would be you.
He puts money into an account that you have access to? Yeah, that might be because you are doing the lions share at home and need to pay for everything that entails.
You plan on returning to work? What is it you think you are doing by raising your children.
In all honesty, it’s like you are trying to excuse his behaviour or don’t want to acknowledge that he doesn’t see what you do as work.

If this is real, you are married to a Class A prick.

I'd be refusing holidays and getting back to work full-time.

He can share the load.
Stop doing anything for him and get legal advice.

I think your home sounds like a thoroughly toxic environment for children if these are his views.

Get back to work, for your children and yourself.
Nothing enviable about your set up.

You are eligible for Child Benefit and you should claim it OP as doing so can give you NI credits towards your state pension. If your DH has a high individual income, he may have to pay some of the CB back in tax via a "high income charge".

My husband would never do this and has offered to swap with me when the kids have struggled.

It's not acceptable to leave 1 parent struggling on their own. Him paying for the holiday is just a kick in the teeth.
You need to claim CB as by the sounds of it he isn't paying the £860 a year for your contributions and you will be screwed.
You can backpay up to 3 years contribution- download the HMRC app and look at your NI contributions yourself.

Call me old-fashioned - but that's not what I'd call a marriage.
He earns family money.

No, this is not acceptable. You are partnership and contribute equally, albeit him more financially and you more caregiving- but that does not mean you don't ever get a break.
To put it into context I've just been in holiday with my partner who paid (I'm on mat leave, work part time), he paid for our nanny to come along. On landing and takeoff he sat next to our oldest (his first time flying and wanted to share the experience), but swapped to the aisle seat later (at my suggestion). I also had a sleep while the baby slept and their nanny held him and my oldest was occupied with his audio player. So we all got a break, even though I earn a fraction of my partner (I'm public sector professional so in comparison to finance sector it's significantly less but I'm not low earner per se).

Have s chat with Citizen's Advice about thd cb/ NI situation. I wouldn't depend on your husband for information.

If that's his attitude then I would be sending him a bill for the cleaning and childcare services you provide so he can be the 'bread winner'

You should be registered for CB even if you don't claim money. It should be in your name. It gives you NI contributions for a year paid which go towards your State Pension eligibility.

If you aren't getting on it as you are missing valuable years - this is particularly important if you are married to a dickhead and may get divorced at some point which you clearly are.

Don't leave yourself financially vulnerable. Those NI contributions are worth it. You get them until your youngest turns twelve so if there's three years between your kids that's 15 years you are eligible for.

This matters if you are working part time too as you may not otherwise fulfil your minimum NI contribution for the year thus not getting a full year towards your pension.

Your husband is a proper dick head.

I hope you have a lovely holiday when you arrive. As for your husband - I hope his holiday is as shit as his attitude.

There’s a high swear word count on this thread already but allow me to add to it - your husband’s a fucking wanker.

Also you should still be claiming cb as it counts towards your qualifying NI years to claim state pension. He may have to pay it back via tax but you need to claim it

I'd get a job. You need financial independence. He doesn't respect you or your contribution to the household. He thnks he can opt out of patenting when he feels like it because he works. He's a misogynistic pig.

Your contribution matters. You have sacrificed your career, pension and financial independence to be a SAHP for your joint children. You see saving the family money on childcare. You are presumably doing the bulk of the household stuff, cooking, cleaning etc. When do you get a break? I'm sure you don't get to opt out, throw your arms in the air and ignore the kids. I bet you don't even get to 💩in peace.

Why? She doesn’t need to talk to citizens advice. What a waste of everyone’s time.
She is eligible. He will need to pay it back but that’s his responsibility. If they don’t want to pay it back then she can open the claim but choose not to receive the money so she still gets the nation insurance credits but no money so no tax repayment.

It isn’t hard.

He thinks he's better than you. That is no basis for a successful relationship. You deserve so much more.

You can claim just the national insurance element.

I’m a sahm and I wouldn’t be happy with situation. Normally one parent sits with the kids on way out and the other on the way back. If one parent is struggling or when they were tiny we would swap or take a child each if needed.

At home if DH is extra busy at work then I would pick up the stuff he does, but usually that would be household stuff not parenting.

I totally agree. It amazes me the number of couples who don't seem to understand they're a partnership; a team.

What a wanker! LTB

Even if he earns over the limit YOU should be registered. Because it affects YOU.

CB and NI are linked.

Even if your CB claim is zero it matters.

Does he pay you for housework, childcare and sex, because if not, I wouldn't be doing any of those either for free.

This has to be a wind up, right? This can't possibly be true. No one can be that big of a knob.

“Take your headphones off and help me to control OUR children or the holiday won’t be the only thing you will be paying for. A divorce will be a lot more expensive”. What a tosser!