Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

I honestly read MN with my mouth agape.
I cannot believe the type of shit some women put up with ,

Just read the bit about him upgrading his own seat before on a flight whilst you sat a few rows back. What an entitled prick he is.

He is a wanker and you will have a shit holiday. Set your expectations now and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable. I would be rethinking being with him if I were you.

You didn't kick off when he only upgraded his seat? He sounds like a catch please say you claim the cb and have equal access to finances? Time to get ducks in a row and ltb.

No I plan on working again when our second child starts school in a couple of years. I know we are lucky to be in the position where I can bring them both up full time as husbands wage supports this.

He sees you as the hired help, not his partner. Except if he hired help, he would have to pay for it properly.

If cb is benefit then we aren’t eligible for it, he does put money into an account which I have access to and I have my own savings etc

I would accelerate those plans and get back to work, asap. Your “husband” has zero respect for you.

Bloody hell! He’s a prize winning bell-end, isn’t he OP? How the fuck did you end up procreating with such a specimen - assume his lovely ‘personality’ didn’t emerge until after he’d got you nicely cornered into stay-at-home-parenting financial vulnerability?

There is so much wrong here that I don’t even know where to begin. The fact you have to ask if this is ‘a thing’ is hugely worrying. To keep it as simple as possible, NO. This is not okay. This is not how parenting works. This is not how marriage works. This is not how a loving father or husband would act. It sounds like he thinks he is your employer - you provide children, childcare, housework, meals and presumably sex - and he pays for your ‘services’ by paying the bills. That is gross.

If I were you, I’d run for the hills - unless you want the entire rest of your life to look like this.

He's a charmer isn't he.

We don't need a crystal ball to know what kind of father he will be if you were to divorce because we can see what kind of father he is already.

Shit Dad, Shit Husband.

Oh god, what a wanker - here's betting his best friend also uses examples from your DH to make his wife suck up shitty treatment.

Surely you know enough people who behave better to counter his examples, it's hardly a winning argument - it's a low bar.

Put the kids to bed tonight then have a discussion where you put that point to bed. He can't argue his job is so hard, he needs a break from it and yours isn't. The kids are either so easy he can do it, or so hard you need a break too.

It'd be even more enjoyable if you all enjoyed hanging out together, but he's not there yet

I definitely don't see you as lucky. You're putting up with an outrageous level of disrespect.

You are entitled to child benefit, it pays your national insurance contributions unless he's covering that for you? He pays it back through a tax return. Alternatively you can choose not to receive the payment but you do need to claim it to cover your pension contributions

He sounds like a dickhead. Has he always been a dickhead?

@Mumof22025 WTAF? Is he actually serious? YANBU OP - your DH is an arse-hole (sorry!).

You need to be claiming child benefit to get your contributions paid towards your state pension! If your partner earns too much you can still claim it and just not get the actual money or opt to get the money paid to you and taken from his taxes, there are a few options - if you don’t sign up you are losing out on pension contributions and could have a much smaller pension when you retire!!

Also your partner is awful. I am currently a SAHP and this never happens with us, I would leave my partner if he said this!

Add up the costs of you being a SAHM then halve it. Thats what he should be paying. He is AWFUL. Why are you putting up with this?

No, he is lucky to be in a position to work full time, because you facilitate all the childcare.

And probably household management…

And probably a lot of his relationships…

Cost up what you do- childcare, house work and so on. What would a nanny, cleaner and housekeeper cost, and a PA if you do anything else for him.

It's not 'helping' it's being a decent father and partner. God what a sexist arsewipe. Get rid.

I don’t know, I’ll have to ask him. I’m sure when we looked at it his earnings exceeded the limit

I would leave them with him and come home to sort out the divorce paperwork.

What the hell I have just read! We wouldn’t be married if my DH behaved like that - what an absolute prick!! I am fucking furious on your behalf.

You really need to so something about this - I am presuming this is the tip of the iceberg and he is a total bastard in every day life too.

You deserve much better!

You should claim the child benefit, which he can then pay back via his tax return.

You should also get yourself back to work soon, because you cannot rely on this man. Not for anything.

And on holiday, when neither of you are at work, the childcare load is 50/50. Anything else is not acceptable. Tell him.

Remind him that he only got to pay for the holiday because you are working in the non paid role of SAHM. If you didn't do that his money would be going on child care. What a knob. Is he one of these guys that thinks his two puffs and a pant to create the child is all he needs to do in this world? You know you are not being unreasonable here in wanting him to assist. You are however being unreasonable in not calling out this pig headed behaviour. Good luck x

You also support your DH by looking after the kids so he can easily go out and work full time