Page 20 | Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

GRCP · 13/05/2025 20:02

Bloody hell I couldn’t live like that. Mind you we both work full time.

AngelicKaty · 13/05/2025 20:14

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/05/2025 19:58

I cannot imagine my DH saying to me first thing on the first day of a family holiday (back in the day) "I need a break" and swanning off, unless he was actually ill. Because he would actually want to spend time with them and didn't see it as a resentful chore. (He might take a sneaky afternoon nap, but that would be after he'd done something with the DC)

And the arrogance of saying to you, you could have a break "at some point." as if he was your employer grudgingly scheduling in a meeting (damn those workers rights).. but not prepared to say when..you can almost hear him silently adding "if you earn it". If he really meant it... he'd say.. I'll do breakfast with them tomorrow.

I was wrong to say he was an arse. He's actually a pompous arse.

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I couldn't agree more. This is so far outside my experience of men with my DH (and even our male friends). MN has been a revelation to me discovering that men like this actually exist ("they walk among us" 🙄 ) - even more so that they're capable of attracting a woman to procreate with! Not with me though - I'd have handed his pompous arse to him very swiftly! 😂

Jumpers4goalposts · 13/05/2025 20:44

Why on earth did you have children with this man? Surely he was like it after the first, so why have a second.

Zoec1975 · 13/05/2025 20:44

You are his wife not his nanny.you deserve better.im sorry x

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/05/2025 20:47

Mumof22025 · 12/05/2025 19:05

I probably didn’t word it well. I mean should that ever be a consideration and someone given leeway? He says that’s the case with his best friend who has kids of a similar age.

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Haven't read any further than this in page 1 but I had to just say from this alone.... Fuck his friend!! What is he... 7???
Absolutely fucking not ok with this arrangement at all and you shouldn't be either.

Who in the heck voted you're being unreasonable???

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/05/2025 20:53

Jumpers4goalposts · 13/05/2025 20:44

Why on earth did you have children with this man? Surely he was like it after the first, so why have a second.

Often see a comment like this, again and again... tiresomely unoriginal.

No advice, no comment on the OP's post, just a chance to have a dig at someone.

She does have children with this man. And yet she still has the right to post about her problems.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/05/2025 20:55

Mumof22025 · 13/05/2025 10:04

He is ‘taking the morning off’ today and has already gone out for a long walk and I’ve had to chase both children around the breakfast buffet whilst barely having the chance to eat myself. He says he needed this holiday to re-charge from work but will make sure I get a break at some point…which probably means I can sun bathe in peace for a couple of hours. Starting to wish I stayed at home to be honest

My god he just gets better and better.

Mate it sounds like you do most of everything anyway; personally I couldn't be with a man like this.

I'm sure it's already been said but child benefit has nothing to do with the house earnings. Every family gets it and the cost is greater if you have more than one child. I believe it's £175 every 4 weeks for two children.

Do yourself some grace and respect and fuck him off mate. I'm doubtful that his behaviour will change and if it does.... It won't be long until his true self comes out again

Sorry darling. Holidays with kids is just a home from home with hopefully better weather. Yours are young so hopefully not too fractious but I expect they're excitable.

He sounds like a total cunt if I'm honest.

My friend has this so I want to have it to.
He said he jumped off a 3oft cliff into the sea, backwards so I want to do it to.

Man my hormones are out to play tonight. No tolerance.

Jumpers4goalposts · 13/05/2025 20:59

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/05/2025 20:53

Often see a comment like this, again and again... tiresomely unoriginal.

No advice, no comment on the OP's post, just a chance to have a dig at someone.

She does have children with this man. And yet she still has the right to post about her problems.

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It’s not tiresome it’s realistic. You don’t have to have children with someone who behaves like this and if you have one and they suddenly change and become like this, don’t have another. The reality is there is no other advice other than don’t be with a man who is a rubbish father and husband.

Mumof2heroes · 13/05/2025 21:01

Oh, you're one of those married single mums. It might be easier to be an unmarried one 💐

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 13/05/2025 21:10

This is one of the saddest threads I have read on Mumsnet. He thinks of you as the help. You deserve so much better.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/05/2025 21:12

Jumpers4goalposts · 13/05/2025 20:59

It’s not tiresome it’s realistic. You don’t have to have children with someone who behaves like this and if you have one and they suddenly change and become like this, don’t have another. The reality is there is no other advice other than don’t be with a man who is a rubbish father and husband.

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What becomes apparent on these types of post is that the DH didn't start out like that but has got worse as time goes on.
Often the behaviour creeps up on the OP who is gas lighted into believing that they are being unreasonable. That's why they ask the question.
Sometimes divorce is the answer, sometimes it isn't.

It doesn't help to have people just commenting why on earth xyz.. she's trying to deal with what to do going forward.

carchi · 13/05/2025 21:12

And you put up with this behaviour and stay married to this person because ???

BooBooDoodle · 13/05/2025 21:20

He’s an utter twat. Why are you with this tosser?

06230villefrancesurmer · 13/05/2025 21:28

nomoremsniceperson · 13/05/2025 18:36

The guy is an insufferable prick. Has it not occurred to him that you also need to recharge your batteries from doing the exact same thing that he keeps bunking off doing?
He's a selfish wanker and he is using you. Please get some self-respect and tell him NO.

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I'm sorry but this is just made up stuff now. " he's taking a long walk . ' As we say in England. Bollocks.
Me thinks the op is an attention seeker.
If so then maybe she needs help
I mean this seriously , but hey I'm an ex pirate so what do I know ..

MMUmum · 13/05/2025 21:31

You must be covered in boot marks, because he's walking all over you.😱 He seems to think his job is to provide and your job is everything else, as some one else once said so effectively 'put the whole man in the bin' , this will be your life, whether you choose it as a model for your children, or whether you stand up and show them how real husbands and fathers behave is up to you.

IridescentRainbow · 13/05/2025 21:52

Why Are you with this ignorant pig?

MandEmummy · 13/05/2025 22:05

The ONLY thing embarrassing about this situation, is your joke of a husband.

The fact that that you think your children's behaviour was not ideal on the flight whilst he sat there with headphones relaxing.. I cringe at the thought of the other passengers watching and thinking wtf is this man baby doing.

Pessismistic · 13/05/2025 22:11

Another bloke thinking childcare is not there responsibility just because they go out to work maybe you should play him at his own game when you get your break go off somewhere leave him to it as long as possible each time tell him this is what he does to you. Such a man child sounds like he should never have had children. Why do men think it’s a get out clause by going to work. Argghhh drives me fucking mad.

Panterusblackish · 13/05/2025 22:22

No point trying to teach a cunt like him a lesson

He doesnt respect you. He sees you as less than him. It's that simple.

He doesn't love you. No one who loves their wife behaves like this.

He doesn't like you. If a friend you knew was struggling with their kids, you'd help No questions asked. He can't even be bothered to spend time with you.

He doesn't value you. Your work means nothing to him despite it facilitating his life.

Divorce him, you're going to end up hating him anyway.

Honestly there's no other answer.

SparklyLeader · 13/05/2025 22:39

Do the financial digging you need to do to find all the money. Go see an attorney who specializes in divorce and family law and figure out how to divorce him. It is only a matter of time until he believes he is entitled to anotheryoungerwoman because HE makes the money. Get ahead of it, get the money, and get out while you are still young. Tick-tock.

Stresshead84x · 13/05/2025 22:43

My OH works really hard and long hours (we both work but he's away from home more) and on holiday he sees that as his time with the kids and he does the biggest share of looking after them. Your OH needs to pull his weight, his attitude is disgusting.

Shotokan101 · 13/05/2025 22:49

Mumof22025 · 12/05/2025 19:01

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Divorce divorce divorce....

hcee19 · 13/05/2025 23:02

Who does he think he is, and worse, who does he think you are....how dare he speak to you like that, they are his kids too. I cannot understand his reasoning, saying he paid for the holiday, so you have to dam well sort the kids out,l am appalled as to what l have just read. He is not a man who will be at your side when you need him, if he is acting like this, and you are clearly in shock with his behaviour, what else is yet to come. You need to have a serious conversation with him...

GoodCharl · 13/05/2025 23:16

Crikey, sounds like you're the “help”. He has made it clear where you rank in things. I do hope he has to sit with the kids on the flight home and you get the headphones 🎧

JohnnysMama · 13/05/2025 23:23

Mumof22025 · 12/05/2025 19:01

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Wow, this is just another level. I was laughing when reading because it doesn’t sound real! Seriously? I’m sorry OP if this is real, I feel very sorry for you and your children to have such a caricature of a father and a man. I cannot say to divorce but some serious work needs to be done in here.