Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Honest question OP, how can you not have complete contempt for him? How can you just placidly let him check out like this? Find your anger. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your children.

He is treating you like this because you allow him to. Stop complaining on here about everything he does on this holiday and start demanding better treatment. FFS.

thats shameful behaviour

Wow this thread just gets better and better. Are you able to stand up to him and say “no this is unacceptable” or are you fearful of him?

I know you don’t know how much your husband earns, but do you have access to the family finances ? Can you book a return flight home.

I hope this thread makes you realise that you are in an abusive relationship @Mumof22025 . You not returning to work until your youngest is in school will mean more years of this abusive shit .

On a separate note, do you drive ,is this an age gap relationship ?

This thread might be useful.

It's someone who has just registered for child benefit only for the NI contributions and mentions how easy the process was

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/money-matters/5334013-should-we-register-for-child-benefit-when-over-the-income-threshold-and-other-ps-matters?reply=144251608

The OP also needs to look at her NI for previous years. She can transfer the claim for the last five years to her name for this purpose so she can get back at least some of the years she may not have her NI stamp for.

Too many people say this kind of thing. It's not realistic to think that a man like this is going to do anything for his kids if she leaves him (and she should imo). He won't have them 50/50, and it would be naive to think she could make him or her kids would be happy even if she could.
Honestly op there's nothing in this for you. But if you do decide to walk you need to plan for him to be uninvolved - he will do this to punish you as much as because he has no interest in actually parenting his kids. Look for a job that you can do as much as possible in school hours. How much childcare would you need outside of this? I would look to do some kind of training/further education if you have been out of work for a while (not sure how old your kids are or what you did for work before you had them).

You know what you're right! It sounds good saying leave, make him have the children 50/50 so you are able to work / get a break and force him to be a parent.

The reality is you can't force him to be a parent, and if you do leave ( which you absolutely should ) I can guarantee he won't have the kids anywhere near 50/50 and you'd spend the small time he does have them, worrying about them because he has no basic knowledge on being a parent!

At least if you leave him you accept you are doing it on your own and have no resentment for him because he won't be in the picture.

True. He's not going to step up and parent well. He'll delegate it to a female family member like mother or sister* and will resent the OP anyway.

• seen it before. Most recently this past weekend when DH's friend texted me and asked me to take his 10 year old for the weekend as it was 'his weekend' and he was 'busy'. At the age of 51 I don't have time for that shit and my response was one to ensure he never asks again (or indeed talks to me- result).

WTF? I don't know what job he thinks he's doing here but he clearly isn't doing it well, tell him he's fired. He can then concentrate on being a parent, maybe a passable human too but I wouldn't rush it.

I would consider that grounds for divorce! What a selfish man

Why did you marry him ?
This cannot be the first time you may have noticed this behaviour

You need to end this

Is this honestly a serious question? When you're a married couple, surely it is equal ie you're both contributing in one way or another as you're a team.
I definitely wouldn't stand for that sort of thing so, no, you're definitely NBU!

Just when I think men cant get any lower.. I read this!
Upgrading and letting you do all thr work?
I would have called him out on the flight! Enough for everyone to hear.

I'd be off to solicitor asap. What a complete arse.

Tell him, next time he says that, you're billing him for the cost of childcare, cleaning and everything else you do. At current childcare rates, it will probably work out at a tidy sum. I've stayed at home with young children and also worked when they were young, I know which is easiest and obviously so does he or he wouldn't be dodging his responsibility.

Either don't fly with him any more until the DC are adults, or insist that you take one DC each.

Get up really early tomorrow, have your things ready to go in advance, and leave. Go out for the day. Text him you're having a day to yourself and a long think about the state of your marriage and relationship as he is absolutely taking the piss when it comes to family responsibilities. Your job is not 24/7 while his is 9 -5 5 days a week and holidays are for him and not you.

Well…he said it isn’t it. He paid THE HOLIDAYS not a nanny. I just absolutely wouldn’t go anywhere in holidays with him until he changes his attitude. If you have money given to you, use it to have holidays yourself with the kids…if he doesn’t help, will be the same except you will enjoy it.

Yeah sorry op, you need to be moving on from this twat

Also…Donny have any other kid with that child.

FFS - don’t bother investigating CB just divorce him.

What a dickhead - I couldn’t get past this. Everyone on the flight will have felt the same way

He's treating you like a nanny he's employing, not a wife and partner.

Is your husband James Corden??