Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Ooft. I’ve been on MN for almost 18yrs but I think this wins it for me.

@Mumof22025please pretend you’re having this conversation with your daughter about her partner and father of her kids and imagine how livid you would be.

You deserve better than this prince amongst men & I hope you realise it very soon before your DC grow up believing this is how a mother should be treated.

The guy is an insufferable prick. Has it not occurred to him that you also need to recharge your batteries from doing the exact same thing that he keeps bunking off doing?
He's a selfish wanker and he is using you. Please get some self-respect and tell him NO.

I'm really shocked by this. I did wonder if it was a joke. What an awful awful Daddy and a selfish prick of a husband. Why are you putting up with it....and getting that upgrade would have been it for me.

He has shown you the contempt he holds for you so do something about it when you get back.

Yes do this immediately! I think he will have to pay the money back by self assessment at the end of the year, but if you aren’t working you aren’t claiming your national insurance credits and that’s what it’s for. For your future and your pension! We don’t claim cb but I work so I pay national insurance.

I think a lot of women on MN seem to say ‘we are lucky as I don’t have to work’ you don’t sound lucky, you sound like a nanny with a fanny. im not sure many would want to trade lives with your situation.

and to add your kids will see this is how a daddy treats a mummy, do you want this for them (not sure in their sex but goes both ways)!

Assuming he was there for the conception of DC then he should be involved in all aspects of their care irrespective of whether he paid for something or not.
Selfish, self centred and entitled behaviour. Sorry you have to put up such behaviour from a grown? man.

Are you the wife or the nanny? You’re either his equal or his employee, only one of these would make this situation ok.

Is this for real?!! He's also probably making it up about his friend being the same. Surely there can't be two ahs in close proximity.

And what did you say when he said this? You have a voice, right?

Every time I read a post of this nature the first thing I think is “how did you end up in this situation?”

Why do people think that if you’re a mother then you do all the work? Stand up for yourself!

There are so many men in this world having their cake and eating it.

On that flight I’d have taken the bloody headphones off him and embarrassed him into taking equal responsibility for his children.

When he got up to go the the toilet I would have swopped seats and taken his. When he got back I would have refused to move and told him firmly that it was his turn for the kids . I wouldn’t take that crap z

Disgraceful behaviour by him.

How vile. Do you really need to ask what to do?

It never ceases to amaze me how many women on here put up with the absolute dregs of the male population as a partner.

Sorry, this might seem blunt but WHY are you still with this excuse for a human? 😱
I don't care how wonderful he might be generally but this is so unacceptable it's off the scale, not to mention that if he is happy to behave in this incredibly selfish entitled and uncaring way in public I can't help but wonder how he behaves in private? 🙄😥

Not to be nit picking but women who woh bring their dc up full time. We don't stop being parents because we are on work calls, write reports at home or have meetings at the office.

And to clarify, are your dc not in pre-school? Nursery? Or are they at home just with you until reception.

Just no.
I earn double my husbands salary and there is no way, on this planet, that I would say “off you pop to deal with our kids” which is essentially what he has said! But also, does he not value you looking after your children? Why does he deserve to have the break on the plane? You are looking after your children every day, so maybe a different approach would have worked wonders.
Personally, for me, I wouldn’t care if my husband did earn enough for me to be a SAHM, my children would be going to nursery and I would be back at work. I have seen, first hand, the difference between a child in nursery and a child who doesn’t go. But it is individual choice.
However, regardless of how much I love my husband and value our relationship, I am not going to put myself or my children in a situation that one parent could screw us over. And I know my husband feels exactly the same.
Oh and I asked my husband if he would ever upgrade his seat and leave me alone with our 2 children and his response was “oh my god no. You do just as important a job as I do. And it could be argued that in fact the working parent should be doing the parenting and the stay at home parent should have the chill out and relax, because they have to do it all the time and it’s their only chance to relax”. He also said it was piss poor parenting and you should think about binning him off.

Sounds just like one of my EX husbands traits. Along with a sneering look. EX husband.

Attraction is emotional and based on instinct not logic. You cannot choose who you fall in love with.

The attitude of the husband here is to treat a marriage like a business deal, I do this therefore you do that. It is not unlike the attitude my father occasionally took with my mother when we went on UK holidays where he would do the driving (because mum had a fear of driving in unfamiliar places). Needless to say I think it is a crap way of treating your romantic partner. A marriage is about teamwork and pulling in the same direction, not a replica of an EU country trying to obtain fishing rights in the North Sea.

This is a joke, right?

He sounds like an absolute bellend and I’m staggered you’re going on a second holiday with him after that.

I too sometimes have to sit away from my partner as I’m very tall and cannot get in standard seats, but it’s only the take off and landing usually where the kids would have to sit with her. Then once we’re in the air I’ll happily help out/take over.

for the record, I don’t upgrade. If there are no leg room seats for all of us I normally end up near an emergency door. Our default is that we pay for seats when booking to holiday so we’re all together.

leave him, he’s a nob. Is he like this in the rest of your life too?

My bet is he will tell the kids to follow her….. 🤨🤨

Nothing lucky about being married to a knob.

In my experience, dickheads like this tend to stick together as they’re the only ones who wouldn’t call each other out on their poor behaviour.

@Mumof22025 - I hope you get a chance to switch off and chill out on your holiday. Fully agree with all the previous posters, that his behaviour would have me seriously questioning the relationship. He’s being a twat, pure and simple, but he’s somehow convinced you that his effort at work beats yours at home and therefore his need to relax is greater.

Leave him to handle two grouchy kids all day, go and explore (or hole up with a book in a cafe somewhere) and when he complains in the evening, just say that you deal with that all the time. You’ll happily swap roles with him if he thinks full-time parenting is somehow easier than work.

Growing up where I did in Cheshire, I’ve known a lot of men like this - my dad used to come home, laughing about how the other partners in his firm were hiding money offshore from their wives from the inevitable divorce settlements and the like. I never could get angry about it but it did force me to get smart, which has stood me in good stead.

Look after yourself because by the time he’s on compliant wife number 2 or 3, you’ll be the one picking up the pieces for your family with no recent job history, transferable skills, pension contributions or the ability to afford a decent lawyer against his top class one (probs recommended to him by his prince of a best mate 🙃).

Edited a typo.

You are working OP! You are making your DH’s path smooth by taking care of the little ones and the home. I would be pretty upset by this attitude. I think there is a lack of respect at play here - I don’t know how he can favour himself in terms of an upgrade or see the family holiday as his time off while you’re struggling away. That shows a really bad attitude toward you.

I cannot imagine my DH saying to me first thing on the first day of a family holiday (back in the day) "I need a break" and swanning off, unless he was actually ill. Because he would actually want to spend time with them and didn't see it as a resentful chore. (He might take a sneaky afternoon nap, but that would be after he'd done something with the DC)

And the arrogance of saying to you, you could have a break "at some point." as if he was your employer grudgingly scheduling in a meeting (damn those workers rights).. but not prepared to say when..you can almost hear him silently adding "if you earn it". If he really meant it... he'd say.. I'll do breakfast with them tomorrow.

I was wrong to say he was an arse. He's actually a pompous arse.