Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

[horchatatresleches]

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

Did you read the OP?

You’ve clearly missed the argument that men shouldn’t be in the women’s toilets.

Some people have missed/ignored the description of the loos :-

"The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. "

No reason why he couldn't have used the one labelled "ladies".

Perhaps both could be labelled toilet, & 1 "with baby-changing table".

It’s an individual room with a toilet and a baby change. Why on earth shouldn’t he be in there doing that?

You have clearly missed the argument that women shouldn’t change by default just because the changing unit is in the ladies and it should be challenged

"What do you think he is going to do in there exactly ? Wee on the toilet seat?"

I've been perfectly clear on the reason why I think it's particularly important for him to stay out of women's private spaces at this time when there is another option. I have no issue with him managing like you have and using the floor of the men's if OP wants to have lunch in peace.

Utter tripe.

Disabled people don’t want ableds in their space but have had to deal with disabled toilet + baby change for a very long time. Where are all the “men shouldn’t be in the ladies” mums campaigning to make sure disabled spaces are for disabled people and refusing to use a baby change in the disabled toilets?

Carrying on as if they are entitled to use these spaces because it’s convenient for them, that’s where they are.

No you haven’t been clear at all. What is the concern when it is a single occupancy space exactly ? Most sane people wouldn’t be bothered when they saw a man with a changing bag exiting the bathroom with a baby. I don’t see this a reason to make this about “female only spaces” let’s be sensible here. I do agree it’s sexist to only have it in the ladies though.

Jesus! You would rather he change a baby on the floor of a men’s toilet than have him use a proper facility in a single room just because it happens to have a picture of a woman on the door?? Have a word with yourself.

With two single occupancy rooms lots of women would use the mens and vice versa anyway. For example, 3 women queuing, no men... one would use the mens.

So a man using the baby change unit wouldn't cause any surprise

Using a table in the corner is gross and unhygienic . Ew. And the managers office is a bizarre suggestion.

" If men hadn't been invading female spaces illegally for so long I would have zero issue with OP sitting enjoying her food while the dad changed the nappy in the ladies, but right now it's a touchy situation."

Come off it. Women have invaded men's toilets in bars pubs clubs etc whenever the queue for the ladies was too long for decades.

In this case it is a single occupancy room and should probably be marked unisex which the interim guidance makes clear is perfectly reasonable. Plenty of cafes only have 1 unisex cubicle full stop.

Seriously, if they have room for two loos, then one should be for Baby Changers and the other should be Accessible. Why even bother labelling them mens and womens?

Get a grip Zelda. Read the whole conversation before you jump and up down. I was responding to "When abroad I’ve had to change a baby in all sorts of bathrooms with no changing units at all and managed."

Before this I said if he was alone I have no issue with him using the lades.

In reality people with babies use the baby changing facilities wherever they are.

Ideally there would be a baby changing table in both the men's and the women's, but sometimes only the accessible toilets are big enough for one.

DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

This is worrying.

What would he have done if the baby change had been in the toilet for disabled people, as it so often is?

But you did say you have an issue. You think the Mother should change the nappy to avoid the dad going into a single occupancy space ?

Of course he should be able to use it. And of course it’s not an invasion of women’s space if he does. Anybody who thinks the latter needs to give themselves a shake, frankly.

Sounds a bit much as a first stage.

Yes - dads should challenge it and request a change if table in the men’s. Not just waltz in past the “Ladies” sign. Which, as we now all know, means ladies only. Not men.

In that circumstance it’s clearly a disabled AND baby change, and disabled toilets are already mixed sex.

A facility marked Ladies/women/female is for female people only.

There is no need to resort to insults here . Calm down.

You are contradicting yourself over and over again. And resorting to being angry and bringing out personal insults really doesn’t help your case here.