Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

[horchatatresleches]

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

But if a woman is changing a child in there, the woman who needs her pad will also have to wait. It makes no difference who is in there.

As a lady without a child, for what it's worth, I would have absolutely no problem with a dad using the ladies toilet in this scenario. It seems very backwards that they wouldn't have a table in the men's, or make them both unisex.

But he’d be in there changing the baby, which is exactly what I’d be doing so no additional time. DH does the majority of the nappy changes, so he’d probably vacate quicker than me!

self contained loos as you describe - fine to use one which has a woman symbol on the front. It’s a bit pointless really having that symbol!

In “shared” normal loos, men should go in the men’s and find a place to change their baby even if it’s on the floor. And then lobby for more facilities.

Of course it wouldn't. Unisex means anybody can use it, with or without a baby or a penis.

@rainbowunicornisn’t the one looking like a fool

"If a man is in the women’s then a woman who needs that bin can’t access it because it a man is where he shouldn’t be."

Exactly this.

How is it discrimination if all toilets are available for all people to use

If anyone is in the loo when a woman needing the sanitary bin then the woman would have to wait.

I am aware. I was addressing a different poster who thought that only men with a baby would be allowed to enter that mixed sex space.

Read the post I was replying to.

But in this situation the baby needed changing regardless of who was changing it. It wouldn’t matter which parent did it - the female loo would still be occupied in the process!

A) the men were allocated a very small space according to OP. There was no room
B) none of your suggestions address the situation. The baby was there and the baby needed changing. The baby’s needs come first in this scenario.

You directly said that making toilets unisex is discrimination. I believe you're wrong. Your comment doesn't make sense to me in any other way, even in response to that poster.

You are the one that said 'it is if it's labelled Ladies/women/female' in response to a PP saying it wasn't a single sex space to change only female babies.

Disabled women have to share the same loos with disabled men. Never heard anyone complain about that at all.

If they are single-occupancy self-contained rooms with locks, what exactly is the issue? There wouldn't be any women in there anyway. Thousands of cafes in the uk only have one toilet and both sexes use it with no problem.
If the rooms were both just labelled "Toilet" then men with babies could just crack on, but as they aren't, a bit of common sense says just let the man use the "ladies" toilet to change his kid. You're not going to catch a y-chromosome from a toilet seat and grow a beard.

Obviously too much bloody common sense for some on here

There was no baby change in the men’s communal toilets in Portugal the other month, so my husband went in the women’s! I thought it was most strange given it was an airport but I totally agreed he’d done the right thing, nobody seemed to mind when he told me what had happened (I was looking after the other child at the time)! There also wasn’t even any priority seats for me to sit to breastfeed the baby either so the whole set up was most bizarre given how few seats there were to the number of people..

Anyway when a baby is dirty you are hardly going to vote with your feet, you need a solution then and there quite frankly!

Anyway our baby is a girl so I mean it was only her parts out as it wasn’t even a change station in a cubicle 😂.

Making the female toilets Unisex, while maintaining that the Mens toilets are for men only is sex discrimination. Which is relevant to what was being discussed there, men taking children into the ladies, notvthe use of a single occupancy toilet.

I think you are really clutching at straws here

Nobody is proposing that though. People are proposing they are both unisex, with one also labelled baby changing. Not discrimination at all.

DH has been asking for this to change since dss was born and he was a single dad. dss is now 28 so it's a slow message to get across!

So hang on MN… it’s okay for this man to go in the women’s toilets because he’s a Dad….??

Peak MN!

No. It’s ok for this man to go into the only available baby changing space because he’s a parent.