Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

[horchatatresleches]

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

Actually I agree with you op that the staff probably wouldn’t take action if this was raised with them, they’d probably look at you like you were a bit dim and point towards ladies,

This is such a non issue. It was self contained units. I read the signage as "women and baby changing" meaning women can use this unit ALONG with anyone needing to change a baby regardless of gender. My husband has always used those facilities without batting an eyelid with our children. Different if it is inside a block of women's toilet where really there is an argument that fathers are not being catered for and it's more awkward for a man to come in. But a self contained unit? Honestly get a grip people. Maybe they can just improve on the signage and be done with it. What has the world come to though...

And by your own discription that is a build design with a dedicated man space and no dedicated womans space.

So sexist by design

Are you saying that you are old enough to have a baby and never noticed that the accessable toilet is normally also allocated as the ladies loo?

Try keep track of the wheelchair sign when you are out and see how many times it womens toilet and baby change too.

Do you believe that changing the social contract and making toilets mixed sex to benefit some men will also benefit all women?

Now that your husband is a dad how many mens toilets can he list where he can go that has a baby change?

Speaking to the manager raises awareness that baby changing is not womens work.

Is shows that you support the idea of having a baby change in the mens as it shows the service provider recognises the change in the social contract as men take on their share of child care.

This it utterly bonkers. Small cafes often only have one toilet. They aren't in breach of anything

Not if it meets women's needs for the toilet as well as it meets men's.

Well no technically from a building regs point of view it wouldnt conform as it’s not providing a separate space just for women but is for men.
Its a weird one
but it is a bit of a cock up tbh.

Agree they aren’t.
You can have one mixed sex space

I was responding to whether it was sexist, not whether it meets building regs. And for that, while it wouldn't meet the current regs, I can't think of which it would have breached prior to last year.

Well
They are providing a single sex space for men but not for women. So yes that is discrimination.
In which case the only way round it is to make them both mixed sex

It's not discrimination if it meets both men's and women's needs equally well. Discrimination is about the impact of provision, it doesn't require that provision be exactly the same if the usage is different.

Making them both mixed sex would meet women's needs less well as more men would be using the single-occupancy cubicle, making it less accessible for women, and women would me unlikely to find the communal facility suitable to use.