My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

[Horrace]

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

As annoying as all this gender-identity crap is to me in my 40s, I can only imagine how confusing and irritating it must be to someone in their 80s who lived the majority of their years when people didn't kowtow to such nonsense.

Nobody has compared you to a dog. Why would you say that?

Wild accusation is standard. At one point I tried to have a sensible conversation with a transwoman I have known for some years, to get her view on how things could be sorted out reasonably, but I must have broken the Unwritten Code, because she suddenly accused me of having said earlier in the conversation that all transwomen are rapists. I was totally storbumfurkled by this, since not only had I not said this to her, I would never say it to anyone because it is both stupid and untrue. For several weeks I was upset that she would think this of me. Luckily someone I know who is GC pointed out that it's just the script and the chances are she was not thinking about me at all at that point: I'd probably made some point for which she had no answer, so she resorted to insult to shut me up.

(Actually, I think that in the post in question someone said that even horses and dogs can tell the difference between male and female humans, or wtte, and commiserated with Horseebooks for not being able to when animals can. Something of the sort, anyhow. Nothing about Horseebooks being a dog, it was about Horseebooks not being a dog.)

Can you point to when I have ‘attacked other women’ and describe what exactly are my ‘highly specific ideas’ of how women should think and behave?

You make some bold (and ridiculous) allegations. I just know that men are not women, should stay out of our spaces and think that the police should be more respectful of elderly ladies. Do you have a problem with that view?

So first you accuse me of attacking women for not conforming to my ‘highly specific ideas’ (whatever they are) and now I scroll back and see you are accusing me of comparing you to a dog??

You do know that people can read what I wrote for themselves but here it is in case anything doesn’t want to scroll back one page. I was originally referring to your anger at ‘you lot’ who object to men in women’s spaces and pointing out that many women are a lot more vigilant about who is around them after so many men make a point of invading women’s spaces.

Are you one of these rare people who can’t tell what sex the person in front of you is then? It’s a strange affliction claimed by the righteous. Even dogs and horses can tell the sex of humans so I feel sorry for your lack of ability. It must be very awkward at times.

Oh I’m so sorry you’re right. It depends really I suppose, whether one saying I appear to lack a skill dogs have counts as a comparison to a dog, or just putting me in some kind of general animal class. Odd, anyway. I’m used to this tone from the men’s rights corners of the internet, so I’m fully aware you’ll have some argument that actually I’m the stupid one and that’s not what this says at all. It was kind of my point I guess, about women attacking others with different views.

Are you one of these rare people who can’t tell what sex the person in front of you is then? It’s a strange affliction claimed by the righteous. Even dogs and horses can tell the sex of humans so I feel sorry for your lack of ability. It must be very awkward at times.”

It was clear to me that you were not being compared to a dog but, on the contrary, commiserated with for lacking an ability which dogs (and horses) do have.

For what it's worth, I too pity you for this lack. Most adult human females seem to have the ability as well as dogs and horses do, and it must be sad for you not to. Still, if you don't tell people about it they will probably never know.

What’s funny about this is it all came out of me saying that I’ve been mistaken for a trans woman, rather than anything I said about my personal ability or otherwise to judge chromosomes on sight - I’ve never tested that and have no interest in doing so. Given my experiences though at least I know if I couldn’t behave dog or horse like enough, I wouldn’t be the only one…

Women who have been taken for a man or a transwoman usually laugh it off. That's the difference.

Fairly frequent experience, and I can't say I have let it upset me at any time since I used to get mistaken for my father when I answered the phone, back in the fifties.

Well, this thread is about someone’s elderly mum being really upset because she was asked her gender and she and the OP thought it should’ve been obvious

And that, children, is why sex and gender do not mean the same thing.

I saw earlier that you were offended by me asking if you were actually a transwoman for which I apologise.

From your posts which were rather hostile to ‘you lot’ (which I took to mean women) it seemed that your stance was very pro trans so I really didn’t imagine you’d find the question insulting. It was just curiosity on my part.

Do you agree that women might be more jumpy in female only spaces because so many men have decided it’s their right to use them? It’s not having a go at you personally.

I had a scan the other day and I could see on the form there was a box to tick if you were not going by the sex you were born as. I would say this was pretty important if you were a transman and still had periods for example as for this scan you couldn't be 'on'.
But why didn't they ask your mum if she was happy to be referred to as Mrs X as whether she was a man or a woman wasn't of any consquence here surely.

It’s ridiculous. I’ve never been addressed by anything other than the pronouns related with my biological sex.

How appalling for your mum to have to deal with this ludicrous question. Is there anywhere you can report this?

Maybe we should all stop using the term Trans. It's not real. You are either male or female. You cannot transition from one to another just as you can't from one race to another. It's not real so stop saying it.

I know this might sound ridiculous but a midwife asking a patient what they identify as? If they’re having a baby they can say they’re a man but how does that help anyone?

I'm not going to report it. It wasn't local so I don't know the officers in question. But also, she is more upset about the loss of her friend and the circumstances it happened. This was just the straw that broke the camels back in that moment in time and has riled me for obvious reasons.

Sex (biological)

If they lie, then honestly it's down to them.

Indeed, failure to disclose your sex in certain situations and to lie about it should be regarded as an act of fraud. Medical settings should be one of them. If you ask how would you like to be addressed, that opens the door to that.

This

It won't be long before midwives deliver the baby, hold it up and announce to the parents:

"It's a............. er, what gender would you like the baby to have?"

God this is so so so so so STUPID. I am so sorry this happened to your mum. What a pointless brain dead police officer. Offensive level of stupidity.