My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

[Horrace]

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

The people in charge and their followers have regressed.
They are the equivalent of the flat earthers. In fact I would go as far as saying they are even more stupid.

No need to ask if a very elderly lady is a woman it's apparent. Perhaps people who want to be referred to as something different to what they actually are should point that out. Is that so difficult for them to do.

Much too difficult for them to do that. They prefer everyone to buy into the nonsense and therefore everyone should be asked. Part.of the validation.

There is no rule that people have to be asked how they identify and it's both ridiculous and alienating to waste time asking everybody what pronouns they like just because of the affectations of a very small number who say they're non-binary, a status as important and legally protected as preferring as someone's fast food burger choice. I do not expect to be forced to participate in the nonsense. OP's mother certainly shouldn't.

@RedToothBrush

Exactly. “How do you like to be addressed” or “what do you want us to call you” should give a reasonable amount of information, then if it isn’t clear, because someone gives a name or salutation clearly at odds with visible sex or uses Mx or whatever, you can ask a follow up question. Almost everyone does not need a level of triage.

That would be the behaviour of a tiny child learning to speak and organising their world into categories and patterns.

They might point at the stone building and ask if it’s a house as they’ve just learnt that word.

Grown adult police who are supposed to bring calm and sanity to an often fraught and traumatic situation pretending they can’t tell that the distressed elderly lady in front of them is actually a lady are not toddlers.

A pp mentioned that there are elderly trans people as well which is true. There is a tiny number of almost all male identifying as female trans people. Some of these men have developed dementia (apparently large doses of oestrogen in a male body is not good for the brain) and forgotten their supposedly innate trans identity. These men have expressed extreme distress at the surgeries they’ve had - not understanding why they no longer have a penis and confused as to why people are referring to them as a woman.

The whole ideology is a lie. A dangerous lie. This is what the ‘bekind’ people are supporting and patting themselves on the back for being so ‘progressive’.

And yet men who identify as women are upset when asked if they are men which is exactly why we are all asked these inane questions. It just shows who’s feelings matter most.

Did you mean to use a misogynistic slur?

lol ‘are you actually a trans woman’

No I meant people like you

This made me laugh!
I identify as millionaire! Just need to go to Court now so "someone" rectifies my bank accounts because they don't match my identity!

It’s the absolute stupidity of the question that is the issue. It’s so desperate to be woke, that all sense of reason is gone. “Can I take your name”?. “Barbara Smith”. “Can I call you Barbara”? “Yes/no, I’d prefer Mrs Smith”. The end. Acceptable politeness without offending a vulnerable and traumatised person.

And if HCPs cannot confidently leave the “pregnant” box unchecked when presented with a 76yr old male without asking the question, then they should probably learn some basic biology. Or invest in some better specs.

It’s what the call handler has to do. No point being grumpy with them.

They always say some of these questions may seem unnecessary or irrelevant but we have to ask them, anyway.

Yes I would have found it very upsetting. I wouldn't have found it upsetting to be asked how I prefer to be addressed If it's a blanket question to everyone. The pretty girl next to me gets asked, the ugly teenager gets asked, the hairy biker gets asked. That way I don't go home with my body confidence in shatters.

And I'm not trans, I have no skin in the game! I'm not advocating for anything to do with trans rights here. Assumptions make an ass etc. Clarification rather than guessing is surely the correct approach? I don't know. It sounds like in the OP the question wasn't phrased well and the staff need better training to get the answer without causing offence. I'm sorry she was so upset. Very clumsily handled for what was probably intended to be a simple standard question designed to avoid this upset.

The thing is, my lovely mum has been asked this on multiple occasions. At medical appointments (not all), phoning 111, and each time it makes her cross and she she asks why they are asking her such a stupid pointless question and the response is always "I'm so sorry, I know it's silly but I can't continue unless u tell me" which is infuriating in itself. The person on the other end knows its stupid.
But on this occasion, it pushed her over the edge due to the nature of the situation.

Bullshit! No 84 year old woman is going to suddenly wanting to be called a man. Have you taken completely leave of your brain, because you're so taken in by this dangerous misogynistic sick ideology? How to tell me you don't know any elderly women without telling me. They care about arthritis, about tena pads, about seeing their great grandchildren. They DON'T care about this fickle and immature fad. Women in their 84th year on this earth deserve respect. They don't deserve being belittled by some brainwashed cultist who cannot show respect to the elderly who are far wiser than the brainwashed headfucked idiot that ask this strong woman that question. And good on her for telling the turd to grow up!

So ideology over patient care basically. Shame on the NHS.

They literally can’t proceed until the question is answered. Thats the set up. It’s not their fault.

Yeah, that's what I don't get. From my experience nurses or receptionists or radiographers generally only ask questions they know are relevant. Even if they have a clipboard in front of them with a form that they are filling out and they ask you them, they are busy ticking/crossing on the form. So WHY couldn't the radiographer just put a cross in the no box, without asking? I don't get it?

That thread is really shocking. Have you considered starting a thread in FWR?

Someone really needs to do this. For real. I know this demand that they ask this question comes from the higher ups. BUT surely nurses can exercise some fucking common sense and some fucking initiative and not ask a question that is so...fucking....obvious. I mean, do their brains leave them totally? Using initiative should be a skill they have. When it is so obvious that a 72 year old woman, let a lone a 72 year old man is not going to be pregnant, why not just quietly and quickly put a cross against the line without mentioning it?

Why can't they just do that, instead of embarrassing both themselves and the patient? Do they not have common sense or initiative?

Like, if a parent takes their 3 year old daughter to A&E after a fall, and the triage nurse is signing them in and they've never been there before so have to register their details. Right? Now is the triage nurse going to go through the (generic patient registration form and say, "is there any chance little Olivia could be pregnant, Mrs Williams?" Would they really ask the adult/mother there if their 3 year old girl could be pregnant? NO! They'd have N/Aed (Not applicable) that question or a cross. They wouldn't even ask it. Would they?

So why ask it of a 72 year old male? When they have the option of just using their fucking brains and marking N/A.

Exactly, the government want us to ignore the evidence of our eyes and ears, it was their last and final command (George Orwell). I fear we are becoming a police state if even our police are asking this sort of question. And to an 84 year old! I agree with PP that 84 year olds are focused on Tena pads and osteoporosis, not "gender" ideology. My own mum couldn't care less about that sort of stuff! She has osteoporosis herself. I filled in a form the other day, for medical, "pronouns" had so many options I had to scroll down! I wouldn't want my mum to have to go through that, luckily it was my form and not hers.

It is harder to pick out butch or non-feminine females, but it is easier for women to spot a male, than a female. It is hardwired into women for our own survival instinct to spot a male from a female. Tests have been done by peer-reviewed journals, @GoFaster83 , and 99.01% of the time (actual figure) women can tell a male from a female. This has been proven time and time and time and time and time again.

If it wasn’t for the fact she was there for an upsetting reason I’d have been tempted to say no, address me as Coco the fucking Clown!

It's not "brilliant" it's absurd bollocks.