Why do men future fake?

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This happened to me 5 years ago. I wasted 7 years with a man who kept saying we would marry but then would always find a reason not to. Looking back now, I think he knew for the last 3 years of our relationship that he didn't ever want to be with me. My lovely goddaughter has just had it happen to her. Why do men do this?
I know there can't be a definitive answer, just interested to discuss it

For sex.

Happened to me, 8 years.

They don't want you to go, they want you to keep being the girlfriend, but also don't want to get married/commit. They know you'll leave if you do, so they lie. Pretty straight forward, no big mystery.

A lot of men think promise whatever they have to to get a woman into bed now. Cynical maybe but true nonetheless. Sorry about your goddaughter

I think at the end of the day it's the biological clock. Women have a time limit to settle down with the right person (assuming they want kids), whereas men can stay with the person who's right for the moment and not worry about the future.

Sex & having someone useful to cook his food and clean his loo.

Why give up that convenient person before someone he prefers comes along.

For sex, a cleaner, a cook. They don’t want to lose you, but they’re also selfish immature pricks who also don’t want to grow up and get married and have children.

What's especially annoying is that they probably will end up doing so, but later in life, whereas for the lady they’ve strung along for years, it’ll be too late for her to then have children.

The simple answer is they are waiting for something better.

Men and women do this all the time.

The grass is greener where you water it.

It'll be this. They're too comfortable.

I can't speak for men but what I say at one stage is not what I will necessarily be the same in the future, I would not call it ;future fake; just things change or my feelings may change so I dont see why men would be any different nor need a label attached to it

same and being serious or not, having children or not, spending big or small on things, holidays, buying houses or cars people change

Maybe because marriage is a serious business and you have to be 100% certain you are doing the right thing for the right reasons.

Isn’t it obvious. It’s to trick you into thinking they are more committed than they really are. Future faking allows them to fast track a relationship/ situation so they get what they want sooner. The question you should be asking is why does it take some women years and years before they realise that’s what it is. If you want marriage and or children then you have to make it your priority.

Do women really cook and clean for their new boyfriends? They're the mugs then. I don't cook and am not especially domesticated; I like sex so a boyfriend who also wants sex sounds ideal to me.

I don't think "future-faking" is a thing. Not in a malicious, devious way, anyway. Most people don't know how they'll feel about anything in 2 or 3 or 4 years' time, not with certainty. I never have, myself (and I've surprised myself in some of the ways I've changed my mind, and also not changed my mind).

But if you say you don't know what the future holds you get accused of being a commitment-phobe (which I was throughout my 20s). Commitment is a huge, scary thing - even committing to DP in my own head was terrifying and I was 35 when I did that. And even now, even after 12 years and even when both of us are now assuming we're in it for life - even now I know either of us might change our mind in 10 years' time because it's inherent to humans. And that wouldn't be future-faking. It's just that you can never, ever guarantee your future mindset.

Not everyone has

marriage? yes/no
kids? yes/no

Life is not a tick box excercise

A university friend wouldn’t live with a man less she was engaged with church booked. How we laughed! She said her parents were old fashioned and she didnt want to upset them. Think she was pretty smart actually. If more of us did this it would deal with the issue. Some of the old ways protected women.

This happened to my friend who was messed about by two different men one after the other. It was always "complicated". One was a freelance musician who blamed finances and lack of stability but didn't want her enough to change direction and one was entangled with his ex and kids and blamed the ex constantly for not being able to move in with her or she'd deny him access. Both together they wasted her 30s and 40s. In the second guy actually went back to his wife. She was so broken. Too late for children by then..ultimately she died of cancer a few years later. We all tried to help her get free but she just wanted to believe all the "soons" and "I just need to ...".
It's fine to change your mind, get married, then fall out of love, but don't promise x in the distant future when you have no.intention of following through

For convenience, including, but not limited to, sex.

How is this a mystery to you?

she could have cut ties sooner though and not sat around waiting, why is it always on the men? why cant women think more and if it is not working act and stop being so passive and leaving decisons up to others

Do you look for a man who can cook then?

Or do you just live on takeaways?

I looked for a man who can cook amazingly and I got one!

Men and women are different (shocker!). Unlike women, where the long game of kids and stability is ever present (even if we don’t admit it) most men’s attitude to relationships is in the moment - I’m attracted to her and let’s see where it goes - no more than that. But then women will at some point be keen to secure the long term commitment and inevitably men will say yes of course they want the same thing in order to stop the “nagging” when in reality they aren’t sure either way.

They do it because women believe them and will put up with ‘promises’ of a future.

My advice is he puts a ring on it or he can fuck off. I’m not going to end up with half based on a promise.

In fairness biology screwed women over in this. Women have a body clock that is not comparable to men. So we’re on a different timetable. It’s like preparing for an exam that I have to do in June and my partner has to do sometime when the time is right. It’s not fair on anyone really.

Isn’t it obvious. It’s to trick you into thinking they are more committed than they really are. Future faking allows them to fast track a relationship/ situation so they get what they want sooner

I agree with this. Most men like having a relationship. It’s not just the sex they want, they want the whole relationship.

Underlying it is a deeply rooted and misogynistic belief that women are here for their benefit and they are entitled to manipulate women to keep them where they want. If they told women the truth, the woman might make her own choice, and that might be a choice they don’t want her to make. So they lie.

I know a man who spent a decade with a live in partner, who he moved in within months of meeting her, but always had a reason why they could not buy a house together just yet. It eventually came out that he had spent those ten years serially cheating on her with multiple women, simultaneously. His refusal to buy a house was so that if his cheating ever came to light and she left him, she lost the home, not him. It’s the same thing. An belief in their entitlement to keep women where they want through lies. It’s a control thing.

Oh I don't disagree and we were all infuriated with her but I think we'd be lying to ourselves if we didn't admit that it's very easy to believe what you want to hear and the sink costs fallacy comes into play here..more and more as time goes on. If, by mid to late thirties you suspect it's not working, it feels "late" to start again looking for someone new so you hang on. And these men are not honest enough to be kind enough to say "look I'm having fun but this won't be long term" because they know damn well must women wouldn't be ok with that.

Yes, I agree with you.