Why do men future fake?

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This happened to me 5 years ago. I wasted 7 years with a man who kept saying we would marry but then would always find a reason not to. Looking back now, I think he knew for the last 3 years of our relationship that he didn't ever want to be with me. My lovely goddaughter has just had it happen to her. Why do men do this?
I know there can't be a definitive answer, just interested to discuss it

That is quite it indeed.
They see they can have you for now. So they do.
For some people is because feelings and life changes. But... the question is that that is the nature of life, whether you are married or not. Marriage is precisely the commitment to be with that person, in the highs and lows. When you are madly in love, in love, have children with them, parent with them, are mad at them, then love them and appreciate them. All the stages of it. That is what you sign for. I think men take even longer to mature these days. They want the fun, but do not want the ties. And if they can have it, they take it.
It is not fair. Nobody should lie to their partner or strain them along when their heart and soul is not in it.

Agree with every word of this. The only thing I would say is that if someone, man or woman, knows for certain they don’t want marriage or children, they should make that clear early on rather than saying “maybe” or they’re not sure, if it’s clear the other person does want those things. If someone is genuinely unsure though, it’s not future faking to say so!

also, growing up is not synonymous with getting married and having children. There’s no requirement for adults to do either if they don’t want to.

Maybe some have and the other person choses not to listen?

Sex and company.

Sex and someone to take on all the drudgery in their lives.

The simple answer is they are waiting for something better.

This. Men who future-fake want the convenience of a relationship, the readily available sex and companionship, the general support in life that having a partner offers, but they believe that someone 'better' is out there waiting for them, most likely someone younger and, in their eyes, more attractive, so they don't want to tie themselves into anything they can't get out of more or less instantly should fantasy woman materialise in their lives.

This means that you don't find out that you're incompatible until you're trapped in the marriage. Recipe for misery. Yes you'll have a long marriage, but not a happy one.

Well, in that case, more fool the person who didn’t listen. If a relationship isn’t meeting someone’s needs they need to say so and leave, not passively sit around hoping the other person will change.

Once again I am asking who are these women willingly to take on the drudgery?! And again I am pointing out that a partner who wants sex is a positive (and surely the point).

I don't know a single woman who did any sort of domestic drudgery for a man when they were just living together. Surely if a man expects that, then whatever he says about the future is irrelevant, because he's not someone you want a future with.

I heard a quote that women control men via the promise of sex, ehole men control women via the promise of relationships.

I think it's pretty accurate given what is often said about what each sex is usually said to strive for.

My brother had a girlfriend ultimatum him at 23, she wanted marriage and kids, he didn't. They split up. I was sad cos she was such a nice girl but she deserved better and I sincerely hope she found it. My brother had several monogamous relationships but is still not married or has kids. His current girlfriend has kids of her own

I think a lot get comfortable and enjoy the relationship enough but want to keep their options open should something they deem better come along. Others don't want marriage because they have assets or whatever but aren't decent enough to be open and honest about that so keep making promises they know they won't keep.

My nephew asked his girlfriend to marry him
she said no she wanted the big 30k insta white church wedding
that her parents wouldn’t forgive her if she didn’t have a church style wedding ( not that they were paying ) and she wanted her big day
Nephews didn’t want to put his savings into a big wedding one day and wanted to buy a house

So they bought a house & had a baby

she now wants to get married and said she would do a simple registry office like what my nephew originally wanted to do

nephew said no - he’s got everything he wants so sees no need to

He wasn’t future faking her
He genuinely wanted to marry her
but no need now as he’s got what he wants

If he's honest with women I don't see the problem really, some people never want those things imo it's only bad when they don't say so the woman can't make an informed decision about whether they want to invest in the relationship or move on.

I also agree either way this. To the poster who said you get stuck in an unhappy marriage as a result - sometimes you would be unhappy but there’s always divorce for this. But this approach does protect against the commitment-phobe. And deciding to be with each other throughout the varying and fickle feelings that are normal for any couple can be a beautiful thing.

You don't buy a cow just to get a pint of milk every other day.

Relationships are all 99% fantasy anyway.

Why do men future fake? Why do they pretend they want kids with you for 15 long years then dump you for a 25 year old and immediately have kids with her? Why don't men with vasectomies mention them to women on the first date? Why do men remember your birthday the first year, when they're trying to impress you, but forget it when you're knee-deep in nappies and babyhood and stress two kids later? Why does a woman who comes into an inheritance suddenly get attractive to her work crush who hitherto ignored her?

This thread could be, why do women future fake? Why do women use lip filler and all kinds of makeup trickery to attact a mate? Why do women let themselves go after they have snagged a man and gain lots of weight? Why do women act sex mad the first few years and then lose interest? Why do women agree they want kids but when it comes to it don't want to put their career on hold for that?

A lot of people are straightforward and do none of these, but online forums are full of men and women bitter about such shit. Seems to me that most of us are faking it because being in a relationship is still regarded as SUCCESS and being an honest, authentic but single person makes you a LOSER.

I think it guarantees you the type of guy who wants you to be stuck with him

Surely it’s simple set a time limit, and be realistic

At that moment in time the man is happy with what he has - a girlfriend. There's no marriage or kids, so no real commitment. If they live together, then there's someone to help with the chores, pay the bills and on tap sex. The reality is, there's no reason for him to get married. Sadly, I do feel that the man in these situations, doesn't actually think enough of the person they're with, to marry them. If a man genuinely loves a woman, he will propose in a timely way, not string her along for years. A man that keeps putting off getting engaged, setting a wedding date etc, is one who isn't fully committed to his partner.

This..

I think it's convenience and immaturity. Also modern western culture has produced a generation of men who assume that life should always be easy for them. That means having the ability to exit a relationship the moment that it inconveniences or challenges them, or doesn't serve them in some way. So keeping a girlfriend around without a commitment works very nicely for them.
I mean sure, no-one should stay in a relationship where there isn't compatibility or where there isn't an alignment of goals and interests. Or get married for the sake of it. BUT where is men's ability to grow through adversity in a relationship, to navigate challenges together, to nail their colours to the mast and make a commitment to a woman?? Strangely absent among millennial men from what I've seen.
I was a string of relationships with future fakers in my 20s and 30s. One even involved me moving countries for them. However, I never let any of these relationships run beyond two years because marriage and family are important to me. Interestingly, with two relationships, when I started to initiate serious conversations about "where is this going" the men started to behave in passive aggressive, avoidant and crazy-making behaviour that sort of precipitate a crisis and sort of forced my hand to dump them. Rather than actually having the balls to sit down and say "hey Olinguita, it's been a good two years but I don't want to be with you, let's end things".
I am now married by the way, but I'm going to end up with fewer children than i'd have liked due to my age. And I do rather blame the men for this

In my experience (friends) men don't seem to really think about anyone else or the future very often. They just want whatever is best for them at that moment. If they are not being inundated with offers of sex/care/attention elsewhere they stick. If something better or just different comes along they go. They rarely think into the future - I've wondered on here why men don't think about their sons going bald and settle with women who's dad's have hair if they worry about baldness (not a huge issue but many men get hugely angry and worried). Truth is they don't think like we do, about what might be a good thing for their kids or future generations. They just do what makes them top dog at that moment. It's why many women don't want to risk "settling down" because men are just often transient kids.

Sex and because they think someone better will come along. Often not the case, but its grass is greener syndrome.

I doubt that applies to the OP as she has a grown up granddaughter so possibly past the having kids stage.